


Who You’ll Become

by yourpricelessadvice



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A Trip to the Zoo, Alternate Universe, Astrology, Bisexual Male Characters, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, FYI Harry calls Louis Loubear, Fluff, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, POV Harry Styles, Unconventional Families, love child, not really hate sex but moody sex lets say, there is no cheating the child is from a previous relationship, they both top because that matters to some people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-15 17:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15417834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourpricelessadvice/pseuds/yourpricelessadvice
Summary: Harry’s twenty seven - as of four months ago - and he has got this adulting thing down to a fine art. It’s not that he’s unhappy with his lot; he’s got a decent job and thankfully enough money to do and have fairly nice things, a wonderful partner and a small but close knit family that he obviously loves – but it isn’t exactly exciting.Life has a funny, funny way of sneaking up on you, though.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! While I’m supposed to be writing other things, this happened. It’s complete so I will upload a new chapter every few days. 
> 
> As per almost everything I write, there is no Robin or the littler twins either. Jay is mentioned only, but this is throughout the story.
> 
> Title, of course, is from Just Hold On!
> 
> Please enjoy, and leave a comment if you’d like to!

 

Two coffees before 9am.

Three coffees between 9am and 4pm.

Two pound thirty five for a chocolate chip muffin and half an hour in the Thursday rush hour.

Harry’s twenty seven - as of four months ago - and he has got this adulting thing down to a fine art. It’s not that he’s unhappy with his lot; he’s got a decent job and thankfully enough money to do and have fairly nice things, a wonderful partner and a small but close knit family that he obviously loves – but it isn’t exactly exciting.

As he sits in the car drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and trying to decode the personalised number plate of the car in front, his phone vibrates in his trouser pocket, against his thigh. 

Even though he’s currently stationary, he’s still  _ in _ the car so he doesn’t so much as even glance down at his leg. Instead, he quickly rolls the volume knob around on the car stereo and shifts in his seat as Faith by George Michael filters through the speakers.

The sky is grey and overcast above him; even though it’s June and moderately warm they’ve had no real signs of summer yet. He wonders how Louis’ day has been, what they’re going to eat for dinner, what they might do at the weekend. They’ve been putting off doing the big food shop for several days now, living dangerously with what’s left in the cupboards, so maybe they could do that on Saturday?

The traffic inches forward slowly, interrupting Harry’s mundane daydream. It takes another ten minutes or so to get to the main road, but then the traffic miraculously clears and he can finally put his foot down and get home to Louis.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

“Hi love,” Louis murmurs, not looking away from the telly as Harry appears in the doorway. “Good day at work?”

“Hmm,” Harry shrugs as he drops his keys, work pass and phone (face down) onto the coffee table and takes a seat next to Louis on the sofa. “Guess so. You?”

“Yeah, so-so,” Louis replies disinterestedly. He works for a printing firm and creates graphics for new businesses logos, and although that might sound infinitely more exciting than Harry’s humdrum nine to five office job, Louis rarely has anything interesting to say about it.

They sit in amiable silence for about half an hour, decompressing and relaxing after their respective days at work.

“What’s for tea?” Louis asks eventually, his voice hoarse and raspy. He clears his throat softly, lifting his head from Harry’s shoulder where he’d let it drop earlier. “Think we’ve got some of those chicken things left?”

“Yeah, I think we have. D’you fancy them with homemade mash? Or oven chips?”

“Do we have potatoes?”

“Think so,” Harry says after a moment’s deliberation. “Lemme go check. Hold on.”

Harry heaves himself off the sofa and staggers towards the kitchen. His knees creak and his back crunches as he squats down in front of the freezer and peers through the barren drawers for the chicken pieces. He spies a bag of frozen peas, some pork chops that are God knows how old and a box of fish fingers that Louis always keeps in reserve, but no chicken.

He hauls himself back up to standing, steadying himself with a hand on the counter top as he gives himself a head rush with the sudden movement. He’s just about to shout through to Louis that they’ll have to re-think their dinner options when-

“Uh Haz?” Louis’ voice calls from the living room. Harry immediately knows there’s something up, without even seeing him. “Can you c’mere love?”

Nauseous is Harry’s default setting as he pushes closed the freezer door and wanders back through to the living room. Louis is up off the sofa and standing just in front of the coffee table looking at his phone with a perplexed look on his face.

“What’s up?” Harry asks, filling quickly with dread as he notices it’s  _ his _ phone Louis is looking at, not Louis’ own. “Babe?”

“Who’s Isabelle Wright?” Louis asks calmly. Too calmly. Harry is confused though.

“Who?”

“Isabelle Wright,” Louis repeats, his voice not wavering. He looks up at Harry. He’s smiling absently but it’s not a friendly smile. “Who is she, Harry?”

“I don’t know, Lou,” He replies, stepping closer. Louis steps back. “Lou, babe, what’re you doing?”

“Don’t ‘babe’ me, Harry, just tell me who Isabelle Wright is and why she’s messaging you asking to meet up?”

The bottom drops out of Harry’s world then. He really doesn’t know what the hell Louis is talking about and every time Harry tries to get closer Louis moves further away from him. Louis holds out his hand, stopping Harry from getting any closer, and then holds out his other hand with the phone in.

Harry grabs his phone with clammy hands and turns the screen around to focus on the small little grey bubble of text. He can barely make sense of any of it as he reads and re-reads it: 

**Isabelle Wright:** _Hi, I hope I’ve got the right Harry Styles. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else on facebook with this name so hopefully this is you. I would really appreciate it if you could give me a call soon, my number is 0791001123. I’d really like to meet up with you. Thanks, Izzy._

“I really don’t know who this is, Lou, she must… she must be mistaken or something.”

“Or something,” Louis scoffs. “She doesn’t seem too mistaken to me, Harry. So who is she? And do not lie to me.”

Harry is spiralling into a panic now because he genuinely doesn’t recognise this girls’ name or have any idea why she’d be giving him her number and asking to meet up. He’s been with Louis’ for five years now, for Christ sake, and he has  _ definitely _ never cheated on him.

Is this a wind up? Is this someone trying to stitch him up? He doesn’t understand. “I don’t understand,” He echoes. “I don’t know who this is Lou, I swear!”

“Are you cheating on me?” Louis asks simply. His voice is still calm but his expression is menacing. “Because that’s what I’m assuming right now, and I want you to tell me the truth, Harry, because there isn’t much else I can pull from this apart from that you are cheating on me.”

“I’m not, Lou, I swear! I promise you, babe!” Harry locks the screen and throws his phone down on the sofa. “I really don’t know who she is or why she has sent me a message!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Harry, because if you do I will find out and I will rip your insides out, okay, so don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not!” Harry exclaims. “I promise, honestly. I haven’t done anything, Lou!”

“Who is she then?” Louis demands, obviously not placated by Harry’s defence. “Why is she messaging you and why does she want to meet up with you?”

“I don’t know!” Harry insists. “I really, honestly don’t! I promise you, I’ve not been cheating on you. I’m as confused as you are!”

Louis stares him down for a couple of moments before grabbing Harry’s phone from the corner of the sofa it had slid into. 

“Wh-what are you doing?” Harry asks, stepping back as Louis twirls around on his heel and moves into the open space between the telly and the other sofa. “Lou?”

Louis punches in the security code to Harry’s phone – 1403 - and taps away to get back to the message before he replies, and those few seconds feel like a lifetime. “Ring her. Now. In front of me. I want to know what this is all about.”

“But I don’t-”

“No buts Harry, you’re doing it!” Louis states. “If you’ve got nothing to hide it won’t be a problem for you, will it?”

Harry opens his mouth before shutting it again, sighing raggedly as he snatches his phone out of Louis’ hand and reads this Isabelle’s message one more time. He searches his brain frantically for any last minute recognition of the name; he squints at her tiny display picture too but the only thing he can make out is a shock of platinum blonde hair and red lipstick.

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say,” Harry whispers. “What if it’s a wind up?”

“A wind up about what, Harry? Doesn’t seem too funny to me, mate.”

Harry’s legs suddenly feel like they’re about to give out and he falls backwards, grateful to land slap bang in the middle of the sofa. He has his phone in his hand but makes no moves to unlock it and try and contact this Isabelle person.

“I mean it, Harry, if you don’t do it I will!” Louis snaps. He’s still standing and the way he towers over him makes Harry flinch. “Do it, Harry!”

“I’ll reply to her message,” He compromises, much to Louis’ obvious irritation. He stares at his phone in his hands, the flashing marker in the empty text box mocking him as he decides what to say. He can’t even find the right opener; ‘hi’ is deleted, he doesn’t like the sound of ‘hello’ and ‘hi Isabelle’ isn’t even an option.

He sighs and huffs under his breath as he eventually comes up with something he thinks is clinical and neutral enough.

**Harry Styles:** _I’m not sure you have the right person, I’m sorry I don’t recognise you at all. What is it you think I can help you with?_

“Is that too formal? Does it sound rude?” He worries as the message is delivered.

“Harry, does it really matter?” Louis asks, moving to stand by the window, his back to Harry.

Harry almost has an aneurysm when his phone tinkles with a new message just a few moments later, and Louis spins around at lightning speed too.

**Isabelle Wright:** _I’d really rather do this face to face. I know it sounds a bit of an odd request, but I promise this is a genuine message. I’m not sure if you’re still local nowadays but when we first met it was in Manchester. If you are still in the North West I’d really appreciate just half an hour of your time. Please let me know if you’d be willing to arrange something when it’s convenient for you. I really appreciate your help with this. Izzy._

“She’s insisting we know each other!” Harry is close to tears as he reads the reply. “I don’t know her, I promise! I haven’t been out to Manchester for years!”

“Call her.”

“What, no!” Harry yelps. “I can’t, I don’t want to. I don’t understand what’s going on, Lou, I…”

“I’ll do it?” Louis suggests. “I want to bloody well know what’s going on.”

“No, no, I’ll… I’ll do it.” Harry concedes. He won’t have Louis fighting his battles for him. “God, I don’t want to do this.”

It’s another ten minutes or so before he can work up the bottle to do it. He opens the message and presses the number that Apple have so helpfully underlined and hyperlinked for him.

“Hello!” 

“H-Hi?” It comes out as a cracked whisper, and he doesn’t correct himself. His heart is beating so hard in his chest he thinks it might erupt. “Isabelle?”

“Yes, it’s Izzy! Is this Harry?”

“Y-yeah,” Harry stammers, his sweaty palms itching.

“Brilliant!” Izzy seems really pleased to hear from him, letting out a large lungful of air as if she’d been nervously holding her breath too. “Thank you for calling me, Harry, I realise that this sounds completely bonkers and I wouldn’t have blamed you for just immediately deleting our-my message, so thank you for replying.”

Her voice isn’t a familiar one to Harry. He keeps hoping for something to happen to finally make the penny drop, but it doesn’t. She’s softly spoken, her accent isn’t Northern but it’s thoroughly non-descript, to be honest. 

“You uh, are you sure it’s definitely me you want? I’m really sorry but I don’t recognise your name or face or voice at all.”

Izzy laughs softly, a slight rustle at her end. “That’s all right, I am sure it’s you I was after. You’re the only Harry Styles I could find on Facebook.”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s not really a common name, I guess.” Harry murmurs, and Louis’ head pops up; he throws him a curiously irritated look.

“That’s true,” Izzy laughs again. It’s objectively a very nice, light girly giggle but it sounds like nails down a blackboard to Harry. “Um, well I’m free this Saturday? Can you do Saturday? Are you still local to Manchester?”

“Um, well, sort of…” He trails off, not wanting to be too specific. “I’m about an hour or so away from Manchester. I can get there, though. Saturday is fine.”

“That’d be great,” Izzy enthuses. “Thank you, Harry. I really appreciate this. D’you know the Northern Quarter? There’s a place called Fig & Sparrow. Would that be okay? At about three pm?”

“Umm…” Harry can’t believe what is going on. “Sure, fine. Saturday at three.”

“Thank you, Harry, I won’t keep you for long, I promise. You can call me if anything comes up, and I’ll be sure to message you in plenty of time if I need to re-arrange, is that okay?”

Harry still has no real clue what’s going on, but he agrees anyway. He feels like he should be checking for tiny cameras hidden in hollowed out books or behind a potted plant.

“That’s fine,” He murmurs.

“Brilliant!” Izzy exclaims enthusiastically. “See you on Saturday afternoon then! Bye, Harry!”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry is in a state of shock immediately after hanging up with Izzy. Louis just sits there, perched on the edge of the coffee table staring intently at him, waiting for him to speak.

“I…” Harry begins, unsuccessfully. “I don’t know. I don’t, I’m sorry. I wish I knew, it’s doing my head in trying to remember! Lou, what does she want? What is this all about?”

“I don’t know, do I?” Louis spits, taking Harry by surprise. He gets up and walks back to the window, gripping the window sill as if it’s about to break off. 

Louis stands there, gripping the sill and silently kicking his socked toe against the skirting board for an undetermined measure of time before he turns with an audible sigh and wanders out of the room, not looking at Harry. 

Harry doesn't follow him at first. He stays sat unmoving on the sofa, listening for where Louis goes - up the stairs, into the bathroom, a few moments of silence and creaking and then the hum of the shower spluttering into life.

He’s sitting on the end of their bed when Louis gets out. Louis shoulders sag as he spots Harry, like he wasn't expecting him to be there. He pauses, seemingly caught in a moment in time, before he sighs and looks down at the floor. 

His hair is dripping onto his drying skin and he’s covered in goosebumps, from his sun kissed shoulders to his dusky pink pebbled nipples. The towel around his waist comes off as he turns his back, once more, on Harry. Harry feels almost like an intruder as he watches a completely naked Louis step into years old grey trackies and a black t-shirt with holes around the neckline.

Louis doesn't say a word until he’s thrown the towel into the laundry basket, ruffled his hands messily through his damp hair and sprayed a cloud of deodorant under each arm.

“Stop staring at me, Harry.”

Harry comes back into focus at that. He blinks away his blankness and concentrates on Louis, who has turned around and is slouched against the chest of drawers with his legs crossed at the ankles, barefoot and red faced from the steam.

“Are you mad at me?” Harry asks flatly.

“No,” Louis replies after a lengthy pause. He pushes off the chest of drawers and takes three steps across the room to sit down on the end of the bed next to Harry. “I don’t know what you’ve done, or what’s happened, but I’m not gonna waste my energy getting mad at you until I know what it is. Okay?”

It’s not a positive thing to say, though, is the thing. Harry’s not sure his stomach could plummet any lower at this point, but it certainly seems to be trying. 

Louis laughs then, totally unexpectedly and void of any lightness or humour.

“Lou?” Harry whimpers. “What’s funny?”

“Well... you’ve been sayin’ for a while that you wanted something interesting to happen,” Louis says with an air of sarcastic bitterness. “I’d say you’ve got exactly that, lad.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, straight into it in chapter one! I hope someone enjoyed that! Please comment if you did, and stay tuned for the next chapter coming very soon!
> 
> Amy x


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for panic attack

 

With his still limited knowledge of what he’s walking into, Harry begins to panic as Saturday gets closer. His mind is full to the brim with a million different possibilities, from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Something he keeps coming back to is that poster he saw at the Sexual Health clinic when he and Louis went to get tested in the early days of their relationship, the one about informing past partners about a positive infection screen.

He shudders at that, trying to remember that he’s been with Louis and only Louis for the last five years and that scenario is very unlikely.

Izzy might be a very distant relative who has come into some inheritance that she wants to share with him. She might be the producer of a reality TV show that want him for their cast? He tries to honour Occam’s razor and think of the least unlikely development, but there is literally nothing he can come up with that’s feasible.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice, stern and proper, interrupts his thoughts. “You’re worrying again, aren’t you?”

He gives Louis a look. “Course I am. I have no idea what I’m setting myself up for here.”

“It’ll be all right,” Louis says noncommittally. “It’s probably nothing.”

Harry just murmurs quietly in response, unconvinced. It’s obviously not nothing else she wouldn’t be pushing to meet with him. 

He’s been a nervous wreck since Thursday night, so much so he almost called in sick to work on Friday but then he’d realised he’d rather be at work and distracted than at home and alone with his thoughts so he got up and went in.

Friday evening was fraught; Harry hadn’t exactly thought Louis would just shut up about it all and pretend it wasn’t happening, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood for the huge row that resulted either.

Harry has been awake since half past five this morning and only fell asleep at about two, so needless to say he is feeling it now. Louis said he would drive, giving Harry plenty of time to sit and stew. 

He’d checked out Izzy’s Facebook for the first time very late on Thursday evening, or early Friday morning, depending on how you look at it. Her profile is pretty locked down, with just her profile picture (glamorous, elegant, but  _ not _ a natural blonde and  _ not _ familiar at all) cover photo (an indeterminate sunset) and location (Manchester, UK) on show. She hasn’t sent him a friend request at all and he’s not brave enough to do it himself, so for now that’s all he can see.

At least he knows who he is looking for once he arrives, he supposes.

_ Oh God, _ his stomach is in knots as he realises they’re two minutes outside of the city centre. He’s practically vibrating in his seat as Louis pulls into a ridiculously overpriced CitiPark car park on Dale Street and finds a space.

“It’s almost three; we’re a bit later than I thought, sorry.” Louis says as he slips their grey VW into the space and kills the engine. “Ready?”

“No,” Harry says truthfully. “Not ready at all. Can we go back?”

“No Harry, I’ve just driven all this way here, we’re not going back. Let’s just go and get it over with so we can find out what this crazy lady is after and then hopefully forget all about it.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Louis reaches down between their bodies and takes hold of Harry’s hand as they exit the car park and head down Dale Street towards the centre. It’s as typical a June afternoon as the rest of June’s afternoons have been so far; pleasantly warm but grey overhead and a little bit breezy.

“All right?” Louis asks quietly as he squeezes Harry’s palm a bit tighter in his own. “Not gonna throw up?”

Harry smiles weakly; he won’t promise  _ anything  _ though.

They emerge from the narrow connecting road onto the corner of a bustling parade of shops, and right on the corner nestled between a place called Vinyl Exchange and a conspicuously pink fronted clothing shop is an unassuming grey building with a basic wooden sign across the front reading Fig & Sparrow. 

“Here we are,” Louis says, dropping Harry’s sweaty hand and starting to move towards the narrow building with a large window and a small collection of tables out the front.

“I’m not ready,” Harry whispers, though Louis doesn’t hear him. His heart is in his mouth; the pathway is wide and spacious but it’s bustling with people and Harry feels claustrophobic.

He doesn’t move with Louis. A large group of Japanese tourists barge into him shouting at each other in their native language, and a second after that Louis turns back around and, after fighting his way through the Japanese folk, comes to a stop in front of Harry. 

He looks irritated as hell, and Harry flinches as Louis reaches out to grab his arms, expecting the worst but when his boy touches him it’s soft and it’s with love. “Come on, Haz, I promise you whatever it is won’t be that bad. Let’s just get it over and done with, babe. I’m right here next to you.”

It’s the nicest Louis has been to him in the last forty eight hours – not that Harry blames Louis; this has been a very strange whirlwind of events for Harry, of course, but Louis has been through it too.

Louis slips his fingers around Harry’s forearm and gently guides him forward. They move towards the shop front together, just a few steps. Harry keeps his head bowed, relying on Louis entirely for almost all of his senses.

“Hipster shithole,” Harry hears Louis muttering as they step inside. 

Harry glances up bravely. The walls of Fig & Sparrow are a mixture of blue tiles and yellow cladding, simple bare light bulbs that look cheap but probably aren’t hang from the ceiling and along the wall are individual wooden tables with little white stools and in the centre are long narrow bench-style wooden tables with the same white stools.

Past that though, Harry can‘t see a thing. His anxiety has skyrocketed and it’s all a blur except for the two feet radius around him. His head springs up, however, when he hears Louis murmur, “There she is.” 

Harry looks first at Louis and then follows the direction of Louis’ almost imperceptible nod. Sitting there, beneath a ridiculous glittery gold statue of a stag’s head that reminds Harry of that tattoo Louis  _ almost _ got, is Izzy.

She’s stunningly beautiful; sitting quietly alone except for her cappuccino sitting on the table top. She’s facing them but hasn’t noticed them yet, of course. Her natural expression is cheerful and soft; she’s gazing at something with a very small and wistful smile on her face.

Harry had been expecting -  _ hoping _ \- to recognise her straight away, for everything to slot into place, but he just can’t. He feels immeasurable guilt that he doesn’t remember her. He wishes he at least knew where he was supposed to remember her from, then he might stand a better chance. 

“Harry, come on,” Louis says, dropping his grip on Harry’s arm and moving his hand, slightly forcefully, into the small of his back. “She’s seen you, come on. We have to move.”

“Hi!” Izzy, it’s definitely her, exclaims as she jumps out of her seat and rushes around the table to get to them. “Hi, Harry? Oh wow, your hair is so different now!”

Harry immediately and instinctively reaches up to where his phantom long curls sit around his neck, grabbing at the neckline of his t-shirt. Christ, he hasn’t had his hair long for over four years, but before that he’d worn it long for most of his late teens and early twenties.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me today!” Izzy continues, her voice slightly shrill with obvious nerves. Harry is starting to feel sick again; whatever it is has Izzy nervous too and Harry just wants to bolt. The only thing he’s aware of his Louis’ supportive hand on his back, everything else feels like debris flying around in a hurricane. 

“Harry?” Louis prompts him, pushing ever so slightly. “Shall we sit down?” He asks, addressing the floor.

“Drinks?” Izzy asks. “Shall I get drinks in, what do you two fancy?”

Harry can’t answer, so Louis does for him. Izzy reassures them she’ll be right back, and Louis and Harry take a seat as she scurries off. Harry takes the nearest seat, not even registering the God awful scrape of the chair legs against the floor as he pulls it out and sinks down into it vacantly.

“So?” Louis says quietly as he sits down too. He sits forward in his chair, crossing his arms and resting them on the table top. “Ringing any bells yet, Harry? You look white as a sheet.”

Harry sits there blankly, staring down at the little pot of sugar sachets on the table. With a long sigh he shakes his head. “I’m scared, Lou.”

Louis sighs too, shaking his head. He seems irritated and that makes Harry even more scared. “Don’t be scared, Haz, what’s the worst that could happen, honestly?”

Harry hopes that that’s a rhetorical question because he can’t even find an answer anymore. Izzy returns with a tray of drinks and Louis gallantly jumps up to help her with it. She smiles gratefully at him, although technically they haven’t even been introduced yet, and takes her seat.

It seems to take her a lifetime to decant the men their two teas and for Izzy to take her cappuccino and stir it. Harry nods faintly in thanks, shutting down everything else that is happening around him in favour of staring at the quivering milky liquid.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice inevitably pulls him out of his reverie. He has no idea how many seconds have passed; how long Louis and this perfect stranger have been sat making polite but awkward smiles at each other.

He peers up, looking directly at Izzy sitting across from him. She has a sympathetic, nervous look on her face now, her brow heavily furrowed. 

“So did you guys have far to come?” She asks.

“No,” Louis answers when it becomes apparent that Harry isn’t going to. “Just about an hour to get here and then we went straight into the car park, didn’t we Haz? Surprisingly easy to find a spot, it was.”

Izzy nods along, smiling as Louis talks. “Brilliant.”

“Sorry, I should introduce myself, shouldn’t I?” Louis continues hurriedly. “I’m Louis, Harry’s partner.”

Harry looks up, for some reason, as Louis says it. He’s not sure why he feels so inclined to vet Izzy for her reaction, but the information seems to slightly confuse her and he bristles automatically. 

“Oh that’s, oh well that’s lovely. How long have you two been together?”

Harry wants to tell Louis not to answer, but he can’t find his voice.

“Five years,” Louis replies nonchalantly. “Ha, you get less than that for murder nowadays, don’t you!”

Louis’ joke goes down like a lead balloon; Izzy laughs nervously while Harry remains stoic and reactionless. 

“Can… can we just talk about why we’re here?” Harry rasps, opening his mouth for the first time. “Please?”

Louis looks up at him as if he can’t believe Harry actually spoke, and Izzy looks over too, timid and shy but nodding along. Harry feels breathless with all their focus on him.

“I uh, I suppose I should start by introducing myself properly,” Izzy begins and both Louis and Harry nod. “My names Isabelle Wright, as you know, but all my friends and family just call me Izzy. I live nearby, in Wythenshawe. I was born down South in Kent but moved here when I was a kid.”

She pauses, reaching for her handbag and resting it in her lap. She fiddles nervously with the strap as she continues.

“Harry, we met, here in Manchester, almost ten years ago. I was nineteen and I believe, if memory serves me you were a little bit younger than me.” She says with a wry little smile that she tries to tamp down.

Harry can feel anxiety and nausea and confusion bubbling over inside of him. He feels an almost angry indignation and he wants to tell Izzy she’s damn wrong, but then she reaches into her bag and rummages through it until she picks out a crumpled old photo. She smoothes it down against her thigh and then holds it out across the table for Harry to take.

“I can see that you don’t really recognise me now, but… ” She murmurs. “This was me when I was nineteen.”

He’s not quite sure why Izzy has decade old pictures of herself just so readily available in her handbag, and he’s not sure why it’s relevant to their meeting either, but he takes the picture anyway. 

He feels his stomach somersault inside his body as memories come flooding back to him.  _ This _ girl he recognises; he remembers her even. Her hair is dark, hanging naturally in very long messy waves. He remembers this smile, and the alcohol infused weekend they’d had years ago. God, he was only eighteen, he remembers feeling so bloody confident and sure of himself now he was finally old enough to go out drinking – legally.

His number is only seven; from the evening he lost his virginity to Katie Walsh at age fifteen, right up until the night he and Louis had woken up and realised that as well as being best friends they were also in love with each other, with one boyfriend, two girlfriends and two one night stands in between. One of those flings, he now realises, was with Izzy. He didn’t even remember her name, but now it seems obvious and he can’t believe himself.

He looks up at Izzy and then back down at the girl in the pictures and then back at Izzy, his mouth dropping open. “Is- you, are you, God I remem- I don’t understand?”

“Do you remember me?” Izzy asks, her eyes shifting very briefly over to where Louis is sitting, shuffling very awkwardly in his seat. It’s obvious to everyone now how Izzy and Harry are connected.

Harry’s cheeks fill with crimson heat and Izzy’s reaction to the news of his and Louis’ relationship makes more sense to him now. Guilt and awkwardness crush his chest as he looks at Louis sitting there. He doesn’t need to hear this; his lovely, sweet man. 

“Y-yeah…” Harry stammers, snapping his eyes tightly closed. “Do you-” Dread overcomes him as he realises there are only two reasons why Izzy would need to contact him after they’d slept together, even if it was almost a decade ago.

“Harry, I just want to come right out and be honest with you. With you both,” She says. Harry opens his eyes but doesn’t look for his boyfriend’s reaction. “During that weekend we spent together, I got pregnant, Harry. We have a daughter.”

Harry hears her words but they don’t sink in. He can hear himself laughing, but nothing is funny. His limbs aren’t attached to the rest of his body anymore, he’s sure of that. Where did Louis go, he can’t see him anymore. He can’t see or hear or feel anything anymore. He’s not even sure he’s still sitting in his seat; he could be up in the clouds tumbling through the nothingness for all he knows.

“Harry?” 

It’s Louis. Harry drags his eyes away from the blankness on which he was fixated and blinks Louis back into focus. Louis stares back at him looking… God, Harry will never forget that look as long as he lives. Louis looks heartbroken, confused, embarrassed, angry, betrayed. 

He jumps out of his seat before Harry can even begin to formulate words. He watches helplessly as Louis leaves; his burnt down, barren world suddenly dropping back onto its axis and starting to spin again. Everything comes hurtling towards him and he just doesn’t know where to start.

Izzy is floundering, swivelled round in her seat watching Louis retreat before turning back to Harry.

“Oh my God, Harry, I’m so sorry, I just didn’t know how to tell you so I thought this was the best way. I’m sorry about Louis; my intention isn’t to upset anyone, absolutely not!”

Harry’s instincts, of course, are to go to Louis but eight seconds ago he was told that he is a father; his instincts are completely shot to pieces and he doesn’t know what to do.

“I… I don’t know what to do?” He murmurs, gripping the edges of the small table top; something real to grip onto. “I can’t… I don’t know what to do.”

“Go and find Louis,” Izzy says; her sensible motherly instincts oozing out of her so obviously now that Harry doesn’t know how he missed it before. “I’ll wait here. Please come back, though, please Harry. I’d really like to talk to you more.”

“I…” He means to say that yes, he will come back, but it doesn’t come out that way. “I have to find Louis.”

Izzy nods, her blue eyes shimmery and sad as she watches Harry get out of his seat and hobble off in the direction Louis took. It all seems unfamiliar, not like he’d just walked this route in reverse ten minutes before.

He finds Louis not too far up the road, curled in on himself in the corner of a concrete bench. Both his feet are off the ground and he’s hugging his legs tight. His face is hidden but the bumps of his spine show through his thin white t-shirt.

“Louis!” Harry shouts with more gusto than anything else he’s managed to conjure up this afternoon.

Louis’ head immediately springs up at recognition of his name, but as soon as he remembers himself his face falls. He’s paled and his eyes are red. “Fuck off, Harry!”

“Lou, please!” Harry begs, dashing towards him, moving to fall down next to him and cling to him for dear life, but Louis has other ideas. He immediately leaps up as Harry gets closer, holding his arms out and splaying his fingers defensively to keep Harry at bay.

“Don’t come any closer, Harry, I don’t want you touching me!”

“Louis, please!” Harry pleads once again, but he honours Louis’ wishes and lets Louis have his space. He looks furious but as he goes to open his mouth the tears come, and Harry’s entire heart shatters.

“Harry, you promised me you hadn’t cheated! You promised!” Louis chokes out with a high pitched, painful sob, his face torn like a page from a notebook.

“I haven’t, Lou, I promise! I  _ am _ telling you the truth, I swear!”

“How could you sit there, pretending to be so oblivious, letting me sit there between the two of you like some fucking  _ love triangle! _ You promised me, Harry!”

“I’m not lying, Loubear, I promise!”

“Don’t!” Louis spits furiously, holding up his hand again, eyes wide. “Do  _ not _ call me that!”

“Louis, I promise, it was before we even knew each other! It was years and years ago! I don’t know anything more than that right now but I know that I haven’t slept with anyone that isn’t you!”

Despite the sensitive nature of their very public showdown, no one around them seems to be batting an eyelid.

“When?” Louis demands. “When were you last with her?”

“Years ago!” Harry explodes. “Honestly, the one and only time I was with her was years ago! I hardly remember her, Lou, you saw my face when we got here! I really haven’t seen her since that one and only first time!”

Louis doesn’t respond immediately, and Harry wonders what’s coming next.

“How long, Harry?” He asks again, clearly not satisfied with Harry’s answer. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” Harry insists desperately. “I promise, baby, I haven’t seen her in years!”

“How old is it?” Louis asks, making a face. “Your kid, how old is it?”

“I…” Harry trails off, realisation hitting him. “I haven’t even had a chance to talk to her about it yet, I had to come and find you, Lou.”

“Oh how kind of you,” Louis spits sarcastically. “Well, now you’ve found me, you can go back now.”

The two of them stand there, facing each other like they’re about to duel. That’s probably a bad analogy. Harry is trembling and Louis is squinting against the untimely bright sun. 

“It’s been about nine years,” Harry whispers eventually. “That’s how long. That must be how old the child is; eight or nine.”

Louis snorts. “A nine year old! Are you… Harry, this feels like a fucking nightmare! Do you really expect me to believe-”

“Yes!” Harry interrupts urgently. He throws himself at Louis, gripping tightly around his shoulders and ignoring the fact that after stumbling backwards and then steadying himself, Louis doesn’t make any attempts to hug him back. “Yes, I  _ do _ expect you to believe me ‘cause it’s the truth! I know as much about this as you do, Lou; I’m confused and afraid and embarrassed and scared and I… I just… I don’t-”

His chest is getting tight and breathing is becoming harder.

“All right, all right Haz, breathe love!” Louis immediately steps forward, their fight temporarily suspended as Harry fades quickly into oblivion. 

Louis prises Harry off of him and grips his forearms, directing them back towards the concrete slab Harry had found Louis on. “Breathe, Harry, you’re all right. Find something to focus on, love.”

Harry mind swims as his breaths come out in useless, short little puffs; shallow and rapid and panic-stricken. He tries to find something, as Louis had instructed, to focus on but he can’t pick something out for long enough to make it stick and start his countdown.

“I… I can’t!” He rasps, barely aware of anything, even the distant feeling of Louis’ hands in his. “It’s not working, I can’t!”

“Yes you can,” Louis says firmly. “Come on, concentrate Harry. Look down at your hands, at your rings; what colour are they?” 

“Sil-silver,” Harry manages to rasp out. Louis asks how many there are. “Three, a-and two. Five.”

“Yes, now what else can you see?” Louis continues. “Five things, Harry. Find ‘em and tell me what you can see.”

Harry battles, blinking back the tears and spluttering helplessly, but eventually he manages to locate and hold down five things. “Bench, a bin, a bag on the floor, Louis… and- and a pigeon.”

He sees Louis’ small smile, and it’s like a balm for his burns. It’s clipped and reluctant, but it’s a smile all the same. It calms Harry down immediately. They sit there for a few moments; the aforementioned pigeon stalks off and the carrier bag gets blown down the path and wrapped around a lamp post.

“You need to go back to Izzy,” Louis says eventually. Harry nods, not taking his eyes off where their hands are clasped together in Louis’ lap.

“You’ll come back with me, won’t you?” Harry whispers, feeling like he’s on a knife edge. The second or two that Louis takes to answer feel like a thousand.

“Yeah Haz, ‘course I will.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry takes another few minutes to recover and then they head back towards Fig & Sparrow. When they return, Izzy is still sitting exactly where they left her, almost as if she hasn’t moved at all. Harry follows Louis who goes first, slipping back into his seat and smiling tersely at Izzy.

“Sorry,” Izzy says, looking at Harry nervously as he sits down too. He’s very conscious of the fact his face is probably all red and blotchy now. 

“It’s all right,” He murmurs, taking a deep, shaky breath. “Can you uh, can you tell me again? I just… I feel like I’m dreaming or summat.”

Izzy smiles very softly, tilting her head to one side slightly. “Yes, you have a daughter Harry.”

Harry doesn’t feel any better for hearing it again. He notices a small stack of pictures in Izzy’s hand at almost the exact same moment Louis does.

“I’m gonna let you two have this moment alone,” Louis says, but Harry’s hand shoots out so fast it clearly takes Louis by surprise. 

“Lou, no, please stay. I need you here.”

Louis’ resolve drops away, maybe he can see how desperate Harry is, and he sits back down in his chair. “Okay. Okay Haz, fine.”

“Would you like to know more about her?” Izzy asks carefully. 

Louis glances away, leaving Harry to field the question himself, but instead of answering, something slightly less pleasant comes tumbling out of his mouth. 

“How can you be so sure she’s mine?”

Izzy looks slightly surprised with the question, perhaps a little rattled, but she takes the question in her stride all the same.

“Uh, well, aside from the fact that I know that you’re the only person I was with that whole summer, there are some pretty obvious similarities between the two of you, and seeing you again today has just further solidified that, really.”

Harry takes it all in, sinking down in his seat and standing one foot on top of the other. Louis is still looking down at the floor.

“Would you like to see some pictures?” Izzy asks, which captures both his and Louis’ attention. She waves the small stack in the air timidly. “I’ve bought a few from different ages.”

Harry looks to Louis for support, as he always does whenever he has to make a decision. Louis takes a moment to meet his eye, and when he does his blue eyes are uncertain and weary, and he sounds absolutely shattered as he whispers, “Do it, Haz.”

Taking a deep breath, Harry tears his eyes away from Louis and looks over at Izzy. Nodding as he quietly clears his throat, Harry shifts forward in his seat and holds his hand out. 

Izzy passes him the small stack, and he notes the smile of relief on her face. He gasps as his eyes settle on the corner of the first image; he can’t bring himself to properly look but he already knows in his heart that this beautiful baby is his daughter. 

Tears spring up in his eyes immediately and he openly sobs as the most sensational rush of different emotions and feelings flood his entire being. 

“I can’t, she… ” He sobs, trying to blink away the tears and focus on the photo in his hand. “She’s so beautiful, she’s… I can’t!”

He hasn’t even got past the first picture yet and he’s already so overwhelmed. He sniffs hard as he flips to the next picture. It’s obviously a few months later, and the little girl in the picture is wide eyed and grinning a wide gummy smile as she lays on her back holding onto her feet. Harry can’t help but smile, a fresh wash of tears falling down. 

In the third picture there are  _ ‘Happy 1 _ _ st _ _ Birthday’  _ banners and balloons in the background and the little girl is sitting up on someone’s knee grinning that same wide smile again, this time with a few teeth in the front, and birthday cake icing all over her face and hands.

It’s the next picture that settles it for Harry. The girl in the pictures is now about two and a half or three years old and it is honestly like looking at a picture of himself. Her hair that had been wispy and sandy blonde in the previous pictures is now a wild mass of golden brunette curls and the expression on her face is one that he’s seen a million times before in the baby pictures of himself and his big sister Gemma on the walls at his mum’s house.

“Shit…” He whispers on an out breath, his hands trembling. “My baby.”

The rest of the photos tell the tale of the next six years or so of this little darling’s life, snapshots of moments that Harry had unwittingly missed out on. Memories and experiences and opportunities, all missed.

“Is this the most recent one?” Harry asks, holding up the last picture in the pile before he gets back to the baby picture. 

Smiling fondly, Izzy nods. Harry puts the picture back on the top of the pile and studies it closely; her curly hair tumbles down way past her shoulders and she’s giggling at something out of shot. She’s absolutely beautiful with a gappy smile and a space on the right side where an incisor must’ve recently fallen out. The shape of her milky blue eyes and the slight heaviness of her brow is all her mother, but the shape of her chin and mouth is one hundred percent Styles genes.

“What’s her name?” Harry asks suddenly, realising then that he hadn’t even asked that simple, important question.

“Jessie,” Izzy smiles. “Jessica Rose.”

Harry lets the two names roll around in his mind, committing them to his memory and silently testing them out on his tongue. He looks at two pictures side by side, the oldest one and the most recent one, and he sees exactly how much of a Jessica his girl is.

His girl. _ His _ girl.

“Haz?” Louis’ voice, something he hasn’t heard for a while, shakes him out of his bubble with a pop. “Harry, I think I’ll go and sit in the car, all right?”

It takes Harry’s brain a moment to catch up and register what Louis is saying, but then panic sets in again. “No, Lou-”

“No, it’s fine, babe. I just think it’d be easier. You don’t need to worry, I will just sit and wait for you, I don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What’re you saying sorry for, you daft bugger?” Louis says quietly with a small smile. “Take all the time you need. I’ll wait for you, I promise.”

With that, Louis gets up, excusing himself with a polite smile. Harry springs up too like a reflex, stepping into Louis’ orbit, grateful that Louis lets him get close.

“Do you need to be going?” Izzy asks, eyeing them both cautiously.

“Nah, it’s all right love,” Louis answers breezily. It feels unnatural. “I want to let you two have some privacy to talk… stuff, so I’m gonna wait in the car. He’s staying here. Was nice t’meet you, love.”

“Oh, you too, Louis!” Izzy says brightly but equally as awkwardly, waving stiffly.

“I’ll uh, I’ll be back in a sec?” Harry says as he scampers after Louis. He catches up to him by the door and they emerge onto the street together. “Can I have a kiss?” 

He’s nervous to ask, which feels ridiculous. Louis laughs softly, no doubt rolling his eyes too. The tiny space in between them closes and Louis kisses him softly, simply on the cheek, feeling safe to do so despite the crowds.

“Okay,” Louis says as they part. “Get back in there. I’ll sit in the car and wait for you.”

“I won’t be long.”

“Take as long as you need, Haz, this is… this is massive.”

“Are you okay?”

Louis pauses then shrugs. “I don’t know yet. Are  _ you _ okay?”

Harry shrugs too, “I don’t know. I really don’t know, Loubear. It doesn’t feel real.”

“I know what you mean,” Louis whispers with an air of sadness. Still, he clears his throat and gets them back on course. “Go on, she’s waiting. I’ll be fine for half hour.”

“Okay,” Harry says shakily as they break apart and he turns back to where Izzy is waiting, finding that she’s replenished their drinks. “Sorry, I’m back.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Izzy asks about Louis first, which takes Harry by surprise.

“He certainly seems to adore you, Harry.”

Harry blushes, his fingers unconsciously twitching and extending out as if Louis was close enough for Harry to reach out and touch him. “Thanks. I hope he does.”

“Are you two married?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head wistfully. “Not yet.”

“I uh, I’m sorry if I seemed rude at all when you two came here together. I have to be honest and say it was a surprising turn of events, but I hope you don’t feel I was being rude.”

Harry laughs bitterly. “Yes, today has been full of surprises for everyone!”

“I just wasn’t expecting it, if I’m honest. Given the fact that we… y’know.”

“I’m bisexual, Izzy.” Harry stops her. “Both me and Louis are. So like, even though you and I… y’know, I’m in a long term relationship with a man now because I want to be, not because I’m confused or trying to figure out my sexuality. And I didn’t sleep with you to try and cover anything up.”

“It’s fine, Harry,” Izzy says steadily. “I’m sorry if I made you or Louis feel uncomfortable, it wasn’t my intention at all, and I’m sorry. Sadly, in my life it’s very much ‘straight is the default setting’, which I would very much like to break away from, by the way. I’m sorry again.”

“S’alright,” Harry shrugs. “What about you? Umm, I mean to say, does Jessie have a step-dad?”

Izzy shakes her head gently. “No, it’s just the two of us.”

“How much does she know about me?” Harry asks next.

“I’ve never hidden you from her,” Izzy begins. “But at the same time I’ve never had much to go off, other than your name and the things I remembered of you from that weekend. I tell her that she will always have love and that she will never be without anything.”

“Is she loved? Is she happy?”

“Yes,” Izzy smiles, looking as if she might well up. “She’s the most perfect, loved little girl in the country. That’s what I always tell her. I’ve told her that it’s not that daddy doesn’t love her, it’s just he never got the chance to know her.”

A tear trickles out of Harry’s eye unexpectedly. He reaches up to brush it away and presses his hand against his cheek firmly for a bit of support. 

“If I’d have known you were pregnant all those years ago I would’ve been there to support you in  _ any _ way I could, you know?”

“I know, Harry,” Izzy smiles. “It was harder back then. I had my Miss Independent hat on; I wanted to prove to the world I could do it. Plus, it wasn’t as easy to track people down before Facebook exploded, was it?”

“True,” Harry has to agree. 

“Jessie’s class are doing a big project this term on families, and it was because of that that she asked me if I knew where you were.”

Harry picks the photos up again and flicks through them, smiling fondly at them and laughing at the cake-covered one year old.

“I’m happy you found me,” He says eventually “I’m uh, I’m sorry for anything I might’ve implied; I do believe you, by the way - if that wasn’t obvious. I remember… that weekend, and I can see just from looking at Jessie; she looks just like my sister did when she was younger.”

“You’ve no idea how happy it makes me to hear that, Harry.” Izzy says. “Thank you.”

“Does she… does she want to see me at all?”

“She does,” Izzy nods. “I haven’t promised her anything, I didn’t want to get her hopes up, I’m sure you understand that. I think the three of us need to make sure we know one hundred percent what we’re going into before we promise Jessie anything.”

The fact that Izzy apparently wants to include Louis in the decision making makes Harry cry a little bit more.

“She wants to learn about you, she wants to spend time with you. For her school work she wants to write something about her entire family, including you and the other half of her family for her family tree that she’s started.”

Harry pales at the prospect of his entire clan finding out about this long lost niece, granddaughter, great granddaughter that they didn’t know they had. He can’t imagine for one minute explaining this away to them; his nan has only just begun to understand his and Louis’ bisexuality, now that he’s got a daughter to introduce to them it’ll probably blow the poor girl’s head off.

“What’re you smiling at?” Izzy asks softly. Harry looks up, she’s watching him closely with her own smile.

“Sorry, I… I didn’t realise I was doing it. I was just thinking about the family, and introducing Jessie to them. Can you uh, can you tell me everything about her? I want to know it all.”

“Where do I start?” Izzy laughs as she takes a deep breath and rubs her hands together. “Well, she just turned eight last month actually, on the tenth of May. She’s Taurus; if you ask her about it she will talk your ear off, she’s obsessed with astrology. Um, what else? Well, she’s an only child, at least as far I know?” She pauses with a small grin and Harry nods hurriedly, feeling mildly horrified. “She’s got three cousins that she loves, though. She’s in year three at school, has lots of little friends. She’s really good at drawing and she loves PE.”

“Lou likes sports. And drawing.” Harry says absently, eyes widening slightly when he realises what he’s said. “I would like to meet her, if she’ll have me. It sounds like you’ve raised a lovely little girl.”

“Thank you,” Izzy smiles. “She is wonderful, Harry. She’s a very kind girl, thoughtful. Last year my mum was in and out of hospital a lot and Jessie made her a bunch of ‘roses’ out of her arts and crafts supplies. She’s a really lovely little girl.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your mum,” Harry says politely, and Izzy just waves a hand casually. “I uh, I would definitely like to meet Jessie if she wants to meet me too.” He reiterates. “I just… I need some time to process this. It’s… it’s a lot.”

Even as he’s saying it he can’t quite believe it. He’s half expecting Ashton Kutcher and the Punk’d crew to jump out, or to suddenly wake up and realise it was all an elaborately detailed dream. But neither of those things happen.

He finds himself giving Izzy a cursory hug goodbye with the photos safely in his pocket and a promise to her that if Jessica wants to see him, he will do everything he can to make it happen.

Harry has another little cry to himself in Marks & Spencer’s toilets before dousing his face in cool water and heading out of the doors and through the shop towards the exit as inconspicuously as he can. 

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry almost breaks into a run as he sees the multi storey car park looming in the distance. His heartbeat gets quicker and quicker the close to Louis he gets, and it's a frantic, erratic staccato by the time he finds the car.

He actually is running now, and Louis is scrambling out of the car with a concerned look on his face. Louis ducks around the door, leaving it open and only just managing to catch Harry as he crashes into him.

“What happened, are you all right?” Louis asks him, muffled by Harry’s great big shape pressed up against him.

“Yeah, noth- nothing happened,” Harry mumbles back, not letting Louis go. “Just… God, Lou, I just can’t believe this.”

Louis doesn’t reply, but he doesn't let Harry go either. They just stand there, between their own car and a silver Mercedes in the next bay, holding onto each other. They sway and stumble against each other until Harry’s tears dry naturally.

“All right now?” Louis asks, loosening himself from Harry’s grip but still keeping him close. “Shall we go home?”

Sniffing loudly, Harry nods pitifully and walks slowly around to the passenger side of the car, ghosting his palm over the metallic paint work as he goes. Louis’ door clunks closed and a moment later, so does Harry’s. They both sit there in silence; not reaching for their seatbelts, Louis not making any efforts to start the engine. 

“I’m sorry I called your baby mama a crazy lady,” Louis says, and it takes Harry by such surprise he can’t help but splutter out a tearful cough. “Earlier, when we got here, I called Izzy a crazy lady. I… I wouldn’t have done that if I’d have known what was about to happen.”

Harry groans raggedly and tips his head back until he feels his crown hit the headrest. “It’s too early for jokes about this, Lou.”

Louis’ hand on his thigh a second later makes Harry look round. “Sorry, Haz.”

“S’alright,” Harry whispers before letting his eyes close again. “I can’t… I’m just, I don’t know what the fuck just happened? Was that real life?”

“Yes,” Louis replies tersely; that and the sound of the engine roaring into life make Harry sit up straight. He shuffles in his seat, looking over at Louis who is eyeing the rear view with the tip of his tongue bitten between his thin lips.

Harry mentally slaps himself when he sees the tension harassing Louis’ muscles. “Lou-”

Louis shakes his head and slides the car quickly into reverse and lets the handbrake down. “Let’s… let’s just talk about this when we get home, Haz. I’ve gotta focus on driving.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> Amy x


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead!

 

When they get home, Louis immediately announces that he’s going in the bath. Harry doesn’t stop him. 

Harry kicks his shoes off in the hallway and wanders into the living room blindly. He drops onto the sofa, pulling the small bundle of photos out of his pocket before he falls. Hanging half off the sofa he lays the nine photos out on the rug in a grid and lets his eyes roll over each one in turn.

He spends the next hour or so trying to insert himself into Jessica’s progression from newborn to eight years of age. If he’d have known about her from the get-go, he’d have been there to support Izzy through everything, there’s no doubt. Being a dad is always something he’s wanted. 

He tries to imagine how it would’ve gone. Would he and Izzy have got together; would it’ve been because they fell in love or would it have been just to keep up appearances? And would he still have gone on to fall in love with Louis? He can’t imagine any universe where Louis isn’t his soul mate. There’s still the chance, though, that Louis wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with his best friend that also had a four year old in tow. 

It dawns on Harry then that Louis might leave him now. Having a child – albeit one that is not their own or actually in their lives at all yet – is not what Louis signed up for and there’s literally nothing keeping him from walking out of Harry’s life today.

With a wash of nausea he bolts off the sofa and dashes upstairs, knocking softly on the bathroom door, his hand trembling, before letting himself in to the bathroom.

Louis has been in the bath for over an hour now; the citrusy fresh smell of his bubble bath hits Harry like a brick to the face. He was never keen on the smell of lemon before but it’s synonymous with Louis now and he likes it.

Well, he normally does. Now he just feels ill.

“Hi,” He rasps as Louis, who had his head back resting on the edge of the bath with his eyes closed, opens them and focuses on him. “Are you planning on getting out of the bath anytime soon, or…?”

“Harry, it’s Saturday and I’ve just spent a good chunk of the afternoon driving, I just wanna relax for a bit.”

“I know,” Harry says, trying to stay calm. “But you’ve been in here for ages now.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Well, I just… I want you to get out.”

“No,” Louis says simply, and Harry feels his frustration levels start to quickly rise. “I will in a bit. When I’m ready.”

“But-”

“Harry, can you leave me alone please?!” Louis interrupts, sitting up in the bath and covering his modesty with his hand. Harry’s not sure why but for some reason that simple act is the last straw; why does he need to do that when they’ve been together so long, they know each other so well? 

“Louis, please!” Harry cries. “I just want you to get out of this fucking bath so we can talk!”

Louis suddenly vaults up out of the water, sending a wave of soapy water flying over the lip of the tub and onto the floor. In a violent flash of exposed pink skin and flying water droplets, Louis jumps out of the bath and snatches up his towel.

“Y’know what? Shut up, Harry, just shut your mouth! I don’t want to talk to you right now, can’t you tell? I’m  _ sick _ of hearing your whining little voice! Just leave me the fuck alone for  _ once _ in your life!”

Harry watches Louis’ bare body retreating across the landing towards their bedroom; noticing but not really registering his  bum  and his soft  cock  that moves with him as he whirls around in a furious temper, wet footprints soaking into the carpet.

The bedroom door slams shut in Harry’s face and he promptly bursts into tears. 

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Although it feels completely against his better judgement, Harry leaves Louis alone for the rest of the evening. They play a ridiculous game of trading places when Harry goes up to the bathroom again for a wee at about ten.

Louis’ bath water is still sitting silently in the tub. It’s cold as Harry dunks his hand in to pull out the plug. He stands watching it until it’s all drained away. The bath stuff that Louis uses always leaves a residue on the ceramic after the water has gone, and today is no different.

Harry hoses the sides of the bath down with the shower; it drips continuously as the residual water drains away. When he steps outside he sees the bedroom door that was previously shut is now wide open, and he sticks his head around the frame to see that the room is now empty. 

He sits down on the bed; the wrinkled patch where Louis had been is still warm. He must’ve heard his opportunity to relocate downstairs and grabbed it. Harry sighs loudly and tips his head back to rest on the headboard. He screws his eyes tightly shut and takes a deep lungful of air and holds it.

“Harry?” 

He jumps at the sound of his name, letting his held breath out sharply.

He looks up to see Louis in the doorway. He’s dressed all in black; skin tight Puma bottoms and a black vest top, no socks and his hair pushed back off his face with a thin elastic headband.

He’s just about managed to piece together some semblance of a response when Louis cuts the space between them right down. He moves across the room quickly, climbing onto Harry and throwing his leg over Harry’s thighs. 

Louis presses his hands firmly down on Harry’s shoulders, arching his back so that his bum is sticking out and their chests are almost touching. He doesn’t say a word as he removes one hand and attentively yet firmly directs Harry’s focus up onto him. Harry is desperate for Louis to kiss him and he lifts his head slightly in preparation, chasing Louis’ lips, but it doesn’t happen.

Instead, Louis breaks away. He leans back on his haunches; the smooth material of his bottoms clinging to his thighs the contrastingly sharp angle of his hips and V lines. He wriggles out of his black t-shirt, throwing it behind him. It lands right on the corner of the mattress, precariously close to falling but Harry pays it no mind.

Louis grips Harry’s legs with his own thighs as he leans over the edge of the bed to rummage through the bedside table for the stuff. Harry takes a selfish moment to marvel at Louis’ strong core muscles, the way he is leaning over hanging half off the bed and using just the sheer strength in his legs and torso to support himself.

Louis is silent except for a quiet little huff of accomplishment as he find the  Durex  Play. He remains quiet as he shuffles off Harry’s lap and into the space between his knees. He shuffles back once again, undoes Harry’s jeans and grips his calves, rolling his hips forward until his knees are up under his chin and his  bum  is lifted off the mattress so he can pull his jeans off. 

Harry brings his boxers down too and grips the backs of his thighs to keep himself in position as Louis takes over, pulling his jeans and underwear down and off. Harry suddenly feels exposed like this, an unusual feeling as he’s being intimate with Louis.

“Lou-” He whimpers, not quite sure how to articulate what he wants to say.

“S’alright,” Louis mumbles. Harry rolls forward slightly, taking some of the pressure off his lower back. Louis nudges his knee up against his bum to help keep his hips tilted up slightly and then quietly, indecipherably murmurs to himself as he begins to work into Harry with one lube slick finger. 

Harry bites his teeth together hard, his eyes rolling back in his head and then closing as a second  finger  comes in alongside the first a few moments later. He pulses his hips down against the firmness of Louis’ leg and squeezes tightly around the digits as he moves his body, desperate for a little bit of friction.

“Desperate for it, aren’t ya?” Louis murmurs tightly, and it goes straight to Harry’s  cock.

While he wouldn’t say that their  sex life is boring, it’s not, not when he’s got a beautiful boy like Louis to make love with and to, but it is maybe a little… safe? With Louis’ words ringing in his ears and his cheeks burning hot, he lets out a breathless cry and accommodates a third slippery finger.

He reaches down, feeling for Louis’  cock  but just as his fingertips brush the silky smooth skin, Louis pulls his fingers abruptly out of Harry and slaps his hand away. Between the sudden feeling of emptiness and the denial of touch by Louis, Harry doesn’t know what’s hit him but then the gentle rocking motion of the bed indicates that Louis is getting ready himself.

“Lou…” He tries again, apparently unable to muster up anything more substantial. 

“Shh,” Louis murmurs quietly as he sits back and pushes Harry’s knees back up by his ears again to present his hole. Louis traces a pattern around the slackened perimeter, making it quiver, before he lines himself up and pushes in. 

They don’t bother with  condoms ,  they haven’t done for over three years now, apart from one occasion on a weekend away with Louis’ family when there was a high chance of small children gate-crashing their room come morning.

Louis is careful yet focused and as usual it takes Harry’s breath away.

Once Louis has stabilised the rhythm he parts Harry’s legs and falls forward onto his elbow, reducing the space between them. He still doesn’t present Harry with any chances to kiss him, though, but the eye contact is heavy and constant. Harry can feel his heart skipping a beat and inside his chest is warm with the cacophony of sensations; when Louis lets his head hang lower Harry thinks it might be the perfect opportunity but then Louis says something and Harry abandons that idea.

“On top,” Louis says firmly against his cheek. His breath is hot and they’re close enough that Harry can feel Louis’ stubble scrape his own baby smooth face, but he can’t reach Louis’ lips to give him the kiss he so badly wants to.

Dutifully though he lifts his hips so Louis can pull out and then rolls onto his side as Louis takes his place on the bed. Propped up on the pillows, Harry settles in Louis’ lap and reaches behind himself to take hold of the hard length of Louis’  cock.

Harry drags the head back and forth over his  hole  a few times, letting it catch on the cambers before lining Louis up and letting himself drop slowly back down the length. 

He can’t help the noises that exude from him as he sinks all the way down until his cheeks are resting on Louis’ thighs. This position feels  _ good _ , and Harry can’t help it. 

Louis grips his waist firmly, the dig of his fingertips surprisingly sharp and it is dangerously close to being painful, but he concentrates on the other feeling in the lower half of his body, namely the feeling of the head of Louis’  cock  nudging up against his prostate and sending shockwaves up his spine with each thrust.

Harry grips Louis’ shoulders for leverage and ploughs his knees down into the mattress, strengthening his lower back as he fires up the big finale. With Louis’ hands digging into his sides helping him along with the bounce, he lifts and drops, lifts and drops precisely eight more times before he feels the already taut muscles in Louis’ body go rigid and he chokes off a moan as he  comes.

Harry’s head tips back and he closes his eyes tightly as Louis stutters with his orgasm, and somewhere in the blind commotion, behind the white stars in his eyes, Harry feels Louis’ hand wrap around him and bring him to the edge and over it too.

The overly sensitive, sweat drenched skin of his torso stings where Louis’ deft hands have been, and he wonders absently whether there will be marks left behind. Harry keeps Louis nestled deep inside him for a little while longer before he feels the other man start to shift a bit. Harry takes that as his cue to lift off and roll out of the way.

“Lou,” Harry says, for a third time, reaching out to touch a trembling hand to Louis’ bare tummy. Louis lays his hand over the top of Harry’s and squeezes gently, and Harry sort of hopes that he’ll lift it to his lips and just give his knuckles a chaste kiss, but Louis doesn’t.

They haven’t slept together without kissing in a long time, perhaps ever, and Harry feels conflicted to say the least. Part of him feels unsettled and uneasy; the pit of his stomach is on fire, but another part of him was so achingly hard and horny under Louis’ stern leadership that he wants to do it again, just like that.

Louis heads for the bathroom and Harry stays put, laying perfectly still so as to not disturb the mess that’s splattered across his abdomen and inside him. Louis seems to be taking a while, though, and Harry gives up hoping he’ll come back with a towel or a cloth in hand. He scoops his boxers off the edge of the bed with his big toe and catches them in his hand. He wipes his tummy clean with them, feeling warmth trickling out of him as he moves. 

He pulls a face and shudders at the sensation, earning him a strange look from Louis who just so happens to reappear at that exact moment.

“Nice face,” Louis remarks with the faintest hint of a smile. All Harry can do is pout and blush. 

Louis gets in to bed next to him and shuffles around for a few minutes before finally settling down and loosely throwing his arm over Harry’s chest. Harry looks over at the door, and then down at Louis (from this angle all that he can see is his arm, hand and messy hair) and shelves all plans to get out of bed to clean up.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry wakes up on Sunday morning feeling most peculiar. He feels disgusting; not properly cleaning up last night was not a good idea in hindsight, but Louis had his arm slung loosely around his body and he didn’t want to disturb that and come back to bed to find that Louis had rolled over onto the other side of the bed, or even worse that he’d got out of bed and taken his pillows to sleep on the sofa. 

But it seems now that that’s exactly what has happened.

The other side of the bed is empty and the sheets feel cool. Harry sits up abruptly and feels the tightness of dried bodily fluids on his skin that he hadn’t properly dealt with last night. He quickly hears the creaking of the floorboards on the landing, though, and Louis reappears in the doorway looking slightly bemused at Harry’s panicked state.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“I woke up and I didn’t know where you were.” Harry says as Louis steps into the room, aware that he sounds completely erratic and unstable right now but he can’t help it.

“I was just having a wee,” Louis replies stonily. He sits down on the edge of the bed, his back to Harry and reaches for his phone on the bedside table. He pulls the charger out and Harry can see over Louis’ shoulder a couple of WhatsApp messages from his mum. 

“Have you told anyone?” Harry asks quietly.

Louis looks over his shoulder, not making eye contact. “No, ‘course I haven’t. Not everything is about you, y’know.”

Harry balks at the reaction and Louis goes back to looking down at his phone. 

Sighing, it becomes obvious that he’s not going to get anything more from Louis right now so he takes a towel from the pile of yet to be sorted clean washing and heads for the bathroom.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry showers quickly and when he goes downstairs he sees that someone – Louis, obviously – has picked up the photographs that Harry had left on the rug last night in his haste. It then occurs to Harry that he hasn’t even shown Louis any pictures of Jessica yet. From the way they’re messily strewn over the table it doesn’t look as if Louis had bothered to sneak a glance when he had the opportunity either.

Sighing softly, Harry gathers up the photos and has a quick look over all of them before fashioning them back into a neat pile and going through to the kitchen to put them safely out of harm’s way on the window sill.

It’s shaping up to be a nice day outside the window, the first really sunny and clear day since a short sunny spell in April. While Harry has been  in the shower, Louis has been proactive enough to strip the dirty sheets off the bed and put them in the washing machine, so now the gargantuan things are ready to go outside to dry on the line.

Harry does this, his imagination running away with him as he daydreams about meeting Jessica and what she’ll be like, what her voice will sound like and what she will make of him. He hopes that she likes him; he hopes that she doesn’t hold it against him for not being there until now.  

He’s a father. A dad. 

_ Dad -  _ he tries to attach that word to himself. It seems completely alien at this point; he doesn’t really feel any different yet, aside from confused but secretly a little bit excited at the prospect. Until he meets his daughter, though, he can’t really comprehend the change. 

He pictures inserting a daughter into his life alongside his boyfriend, his family, his job. It certainly will inject some of the much needed excitement into his life that he’s been silently seeking, but it definitely isn’t how he envisioned it happening. 

Harry whittles away a good chunk of the morning lost in his own thoughts, and when he becomes aware of Louis in the living room he’s not actually sure how long he’s been there.

“Hi,” Harry says nervously as Louis makes his way over to the sofa where Harry is sitting. 

“Hi Haz,” Louis says with a deep sigh as he sits down. He curls his legs around under his body and gently prods Harry’s side. Harry shuffles around slightly so that he’s facing Louis. “Sorry for being a dick. You don’t deserve that, it’s not… it’s not your fault, is it?”

Harry doesn’t really know how to answer that, so he just shrugs awkwardly.

“This all feels really weird,” Louis confesses. “I don’t know what to do or say to you. I feel like… I feel like I should be mad at you, but you haven’t actually done ‘owt wrong.”

Harry nods. He can empathise completely. “It’s like, my head knows I’ve done nothing wrong but my heart feels like I’ve lied. I promise you, Loubear, this is the first time I’ve heard about Jessica or seen Izzy since… well, y’know.” 

“I know, Haz,” Louis says softly. “I could see it on your face yesterday how much of a shock it all was. And maths and science may not be my strong points, but even I can work out that your eight year old child was conceived  _ before _ our five year old relationship began.”

Harry feels funny hearing it in such bold terms, and he inadvertently shudders. 

“We just need some time to get used to it.” Louis continues. “You’ve… you’ve just had massive, life changing news; you can’t be expected to accept and deal with it in just one day and neither can I.”

“No,” Harry parrots Louis’ previous sentiments. “I want you there with me, Lou. Every step. I can’t do this without you.”

Louis is looking in Harry’s general direction but he appears to be looking right through him. Eventually, he refocuses and his eyes come back to Harry’s. 

“I’ll be there, Haz.” He promises with a small smile.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The tension doesn’t fully resolve after that, but they do manage to get out of the house and get to Asda before it shuts. They make it around the shop without acknowledging it - without acknowledging  _ anything _ , really.

They move around each other in the kitchen putting all of their wares away, and afterwards Louis makes them tea and they lie down together across the width of the sofa and cuddle while the telly plays, almost as if nothing is amiss.

They don’t talk much, preferring to just lay there together in almost silence, but it’s not awkward or heavy for once. It all feels right again; just any other boring, mundane Sunday afternoon for two almost thirty year old blokes.

It doesn’t last long. Harry just  _ has _ to go and upset the applecart.

They’re sitting up now, the TV now swapped out for the Spotify app. It’s Louis’ playlist; a collection of guitar-laden indie sounds including the Arctic Monkeys, Cage the Elephant and Blur. It’s easy listening and music that Harry has grown accustomed to and now includes in his own mental list of favourites.

“Do you uh, d’you want to see her?” Harry asks timidly, quickly amending himself when he sees the look of horror on Louis’ face. “The photos, I mean.”

“All right,” Louis agrees eventually. Harry can’t help but feel a little bit proud, already, as he runs to the kitchen and returns to Louis with the small stack of photos in hand. 

Louis takes them, turning the pile over in his hands and examining the edges before looking at the top one. “She uh, she’s very cute,” Louis says with a small little laugh.

“Look at the next one,” Harry prompts, unable to stop his eagerness to gush about Jessica. Louis slowly uncovers the next picture; the toddler one where Jessica has grown into her chestnut ringlets.

“I really think she looks like me in this one, see? She’s really got the Styles mouth and chin hasn’t she? I think she’s just like me and Gems when we were kids, don’t you?” Harry enthuses, reaching forward to point it out for Louis, but he suddenly snatches them away and vaults off the sofa.

“I uh, gimme a minute, Haz? Please?” Louis stammers as he bolts towards the door and disappears upstairs. 

Harry knows better than to follow him.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

A minute is actually more like a few hours. When Harry goes upstairs to try and see if Louis is okay, he’s on the phone. He listens, heart in his mouth, for a few moments but Louis’ conversation with his sister Daisy and then his mum obviously isn’t about Harry and Jessica, so he lets his shoulders drop and he goes back downstairs disappointedly.

Louis is a notorious motor mouth once he gets going, and together with his mum they could talk the hind legs off a donkey. Louis gets even more high pitched and Yorkshire when he’s talking, slipping into the relaxed, fractured ways of his local dialect; using words like be reight, ‘owt and ta-ra.

Eventually, it all goes quiet upstairs and the muffled sounds of Louis’ conversation disappear. Harry wonders then if Louis will reappear, but after a few minutes it becomes evident that he’s not going to. So, deciding to take matters into his own hands before he goes insane, Harry gets to his feet and wanders through to the kitchen. He pushes the door closed, opens the Spotify app on his phone and cleans and tidies the entire kitchen from floor to ceiling during the duration of a 70’s Party playlist.

During that time, Louis comes downstairs. He opens the door, a bemused smirk on his face as Harry abruptly stops singing along to Rapper’s Delight. His eyes travel over towards the kettle and Harry moves himself away from the sink so Louis can refill the kettle.

“Do you want one?” Louis asks as he puts the kettle back on the cradle and flicks the switch down.

“No thanks,” Harry picks up his glass of water and takes a sip. “Are you okay?”

“Yep,” Louis says shortly but not unpleasantly. “I’ll leave you to it, once this is made.”

Louis stands at the kettle drumming his fingers on the wiped down countertop. When the kettle rumbles into life and clicks off as it boils, he quickly makes himself a milky tea, no sugar and then disappears again with a small smile.

Incidentally, he closes the door behind himself.

_ Just leaving it as he found it, _ Harry reassures himself.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry manages another twenty minutes on his kitchen mission before the fact that Louis is downstairs and at least  _ willing _ to talk gets the better of him and he has to stop. He makes Louis a fresh tea and one for himself too and quietly lets himself out of the kitchen.

To his surprise, Louis is sat outside in the garden, the sliding doors left ajar and a cool evening breeze slipping in. Harry shoves his socked feet into Louis’ Adidas slides and heads out. 

“Lou,” Harry says softly. Louis looks up briefly. His hands are wrapped around his empty cup and he’s got one leg stretched out, running his pointed toes through the dry, patchy grass. “Brought you a fresh brew, love.”

“Thanks,” Louis says quietly as he puts his empty cup down and accepts the new one gratefully.

Harry sits down on the rickety, weather beaten old bench next to Louis, the old thing creaking precariously as he adds his weight. The evening sky is peachy pink and the silhouette of rooftops and trees is picture perfect. 

Neither one of them says anything for a while, they just sit there. Their arms are a few millimeters from touching and the static that buzzes between them makes Harry shiver.

“Are you all right?” Louis asks eventually, keeping his body frozen but turning his head to peer round at Harry. Silently he nods. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Harry laughs, letting his shoulders sag under the weight of all he’s been carrying recently. “Where the hell do I start?” Harry asks, genuinely open for suggestions because his brain is fried. Louis gazes back at him blankly. Helpful.

“Maybe start with how you feel?” Louis suggests finally.

“I don’t know how I feel,” Harry replies truthfully. “I guess… it doesn’t feel real yet.”

“I get that,” Louis agrees. “When you meet her, then you’ll know.”

“What do I do if she changes her mind, Lou? What do I do if she doesn’t want to meet me after all? Now that I know about her, I can’t let her grow up without a dad, I can’t.”

Louis looks mildly uncomfortable as he shifts in his seat. “Worry about that if it happens, I suppose.”

Harry nods but he can’t help but feel like that advice is pretty shit. 

“What about your mum and Gems? When’re you gonna tell them?” Louis asks; it’s an overwhelming, loaded question.

“I don’t have a clue,” Harry responds truthfully. “I wish I knew.”

“It’s gonna raise a lotta questions,” Louis surmises grimly. “Confuse some people, I’m sure.”

“Do you reckon?” Harry asks, feeling a bit sick.

Louis nods ruefully. “Yeah;  _ ‘how can you have a kid if you’re with a bloke? _ ’,” Louis mimics, pulling a face. “But the people that matter won’t care. Once we explain, they’ll get it. If you had a kid when we first met it wouldn’t be weird, would it? It’s just happening a bit out of sync, that’s all.”

Harry ponders this, thinking back to his own deliberations on the subject yesterday. The idea of not having Louis in his life makes Harry’s throat hurt, and quite rapidly but not altogether unexpectedly, he bursts into tears.

“I’m sorry, I just… God this is so overwhelming. I don’t know how to feel about it, I should be happy and I am happy but it’s just such a major shock, like… what am I supposed to do, Loubear? I can’t figure out what to do for the best!”

“Hey, c’mon, don’t cry love. It’s all right,” Louis shuffles closer, putting his arm around Harry’s exhausted, trembling shoulders and squeezing.

“Stay with me, Lou,” Harry murmurs into Louis’ chest, dirtying the material of his t-shirt with dribble and tears.

“Haz, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I mean forever,” Harry says, the words hurting his throat. “Please don’t ever leave me, I love you and I’m sorry.”

Louis doesn’t answer, other than to say, “I love you too, Harry.”

Louis orders them back inside when Harry starts to shiver, and with the sliding doors still slightly ajar they lay back down on the sofa together with a fleecy blanket to shield them from the breeze. Louis props himself up on all of the throw pillows from the sofa and Harry tucks into his chest, listening to Louis’ heartbeat and his voice reverberating through his chest.

“I looked at the pictures,” Louis tells him with a shoulder squeeze. “You’re right, she does look like you and Gems did when you were kids; same chin and mouth.”

“Poor girl!” Harry murmurs at the same moment Louis does too, and they both laugh softly.

“I want you to feel happy about this, Harry. It’s a happy thing, a child.”

“I do feel happy,” Harry promises, because he does. Behind all the other feelings he has is the overriding feeling of happiness.

“But let’s just take it in baby steps, maybe?” Louis says, and then he smiles, his eyes sparkling. “Pardon the pun. But yeah, one step at a time. Meet Jessica and we’ll see how it goes.  _ Then _ you can worry about telling people. I’m guessing being a parent isn’t easy, God knows enough of our so-called parents have failed us, and I’m sure there will be loads more hurdles to face along the way, so there’s no use worrying ahead of time, love.”

“But you’ll be there with me, right?”

“Yes, Harry.”

“Do you promise?”

Louis huffs and Harry just knows that he’s rolling his eyes. When he glances up, Louis is smiling, though. Harry feels an unexpected fresh batch of tears trickle from his eyes down his cheeks; he just can’t help it.

“Yes, Haz, I promise.” 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> Amy x


	4. Chapter 4

 

Going back to work on Monday morning feels very strange. After the revelations over the weekend, Harry feels completely worn out emotionally and it’s reflecting in his physical state too. He didn’t sleep very well on Thursday, Friday  _ or _ Saturday for that matter, and although last night was easier in the arms of his love, Harry still feels like he’s been hit by a bus this morning. 

After spending a protracted and distracted ten minutes or so brushing his teeth and messing about with his hair, Harry’s running late. Louis’ already left for the morning; the kiss and pinch on the bum he’d given Harry that morning was enough to reassure Harry for now.

Nobody minds that he’s five or so minutes late, and he’s charming as ever when he dashes in and sits down at his desk. It occurs to him then that if all goes well, he could bring in his pictures of Jessica to put on his desk.

“What’re you grinning at?” His friend Rosie asks him with a cheeky grin herself, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and obviously filling in her own blanks as to why Harry was late this morning and is now grinning from ear to ear.

Harry sort of wants to tell everyone, but he has even told his dear old mum yet, so he keeps schtum.

“Oh nothing! Good weekends, everyone?”

They all hum in unison, and his other work mate Pam asks him, “How about you, lovey?”

“Yeah, quiet really. Lou and I just did the big shop and that’s about it.” He lies. Well, half lies. Omits certain parts, he supposes.

Pam smiles at him sympathetically and Kyra, who is only nineteen, stares at him blankly for a moment before looking away. Harry just lets it go, pausing only slightly when it dawns on him that he is officially not one of the young ones anymore; even less so now that he is the father of a child almost in double digits.

The office is large and open plan and so they’ve plenty of opportunities for chatting across the space, but he and Rosie sit nearest to each other on desks arranged into an L-shape, so he has naturally gravitated towards her as his favourite during his time at the company.

She’s about forty five, probably, and Harry definitely gets motherly vibes from her. And if Rosie is his work mum, then Pam is his work grandma. She got to and then surpassed retirement age long ago but is still going strong. The two of them watch out for Harry and he always jumps at the chance to help them with their computer woes or with a particularly complex query.

Harry placates himself with the promise that as soon as he is sure of what’s going on, he’ll tell them both. Meanwhile, he tries his best to get on with his work but just before ten am a text message – the first of its kind – from Izzy comes through.

**0791001123:** _ Good morning Harry, I hope you are well and I hope you and Louis had a good rest of your weekend. I would like to sit down with Jessie tonight and let her know that I’ve found you and that we’ve met up. I don’t want to do that if you’re not comfortable with the idea of being in her life, in which case I won’t tell her a thing. I hope you can understand this. Give me a call if you need to. I’d like to do it as soon as possible. Please let me know. Thanks, Izzy. _

It hadn’t occurred to Harry that Izzy might’ve gone away from their meeting thinking Harry would bail on their daughter. He’d been confused and he’d been completely emotionally spent, but he’d not once considered letting Izzy and Jessica down. 

It takes him about half an hour to formulate a response he is happy with. He also saves Izzy’s number to his phone while he’s procrastinating.

_ ‘Hi Izzy, yes I’m well and I hope you are too. Of course I want to meet Jessica, I promise I am not going to let either of you down. Please tell her that I was so happy to hear from you and I’m really looking forward to meeting her when she is ready and on her terms. Thank you. H’ _

**Izzy:** _That’s great to hear, thank you. I will talk to Jessie and then maybe we can talk about arranging something that suits everyone. Thanks again Harry._

Harry’s not sure what constitutes overkill in this situation, so he just sends back a smiling emoji and leaves it at that. When his phone vibrates again half an hour or so later, it’s just Louis checking in and asking if he fancies ribs for tea.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

On Tuesday evening, after spending all of the day and the previous evening wondering if somewhere an hour up the road in Manchester Izzy was sitting Jessica down and telling her, Harry finally gets the call.

His eyes dart guiltily towards Louis, who waves a dismissive hand. “Answer it, you idiot. Go!”

He leaps off the sofa, pressing a ragged kiss to Louis’ temple before dashing out of the living room to the kitchen. He slides the call button across and answers.

“Hello?”

“Hi Harry, it’s Izzy. How are you?” She speaks softly.

“Hi, yeah good thanks, and yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve just put Jessie to bed.” Izzy says, explaining why she’s talking so softly. “So uh, I told her that I’ve found you.”

“Yeah?” Harry breathes heavily, his heart jumping around in his chest all of a sudden. “Did she uh, did she want to meet me?”

“Yes Harry,” Izzy confirms with an audible smile. “She’s very excited. You will still come, won’t you?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Harry promises, suddenly feeling close to tears. “I… I would never let her down.”

“Shall we arrange something now, or…?”

“Uh,” Harry’s voice trembles as the tears start to fall. He can’t disguise it as he sniffs hard and starts to cry more when he tries to speak. “God, sorry I… shit, what is wrong with me. Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Izzy says softly, calmly. “There’s no rush, take your time.”

Harry laughs because he’s embarrassed. “Hang on,” He murmurs, and he sets the phone down, scrubs at his eyes with both hands and takes a deep breath. He picks his phone back up and puts it to his ear. “Sorry, I’m back. It’s just… God it’s overwhelming. I can’t quite believe it.”

“I can’t either,” Izzy says truthfully. “If I’m honest, her finding her dad was never something that I wanted, because it had always been just us. I was terrified she’d get hurt, but… but I feel like there’s something different about you. I’m confident that you won’t let her down.”

“Thank you,” Harry says hoarsely. “I promise I won’t.”

“Do you want to maybe think it over tonight and I’ll get back to you tomorrow at some point?”

“Y-yeah,” Harry replies with relief. “Yeah that’d be better, I think.”

“Talk to Louis, see what you two want to do.”

“Shall I… can we come together?”

“You can if you want, Harry. It’s completely up to you. I haven’t told Jessie anything in great detail. I want it to be up to you to decide what you want to tell her and when.”

“Okay…” Harry agrees, nodding down the phone stupidly. “Yeah, that’s… that’s fine. I’ll speak to you tomorrow then?”

“Okay, Harry. Speak soon.”

“Bye.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The next day, Harry is on edge all morning waiting for Izzy’s call. By the time it gets to about eleven o’clock he has convinced himself it’s more likely that Izzy will call in the evening so he pushes his phone under a stack of papers on his desk and does his best to put everything to the back of his mind and get on with some work.

Izzy phones on his lunch break though. After a mad scramble to find somewhere safe to talk, Harry is breathless as he answers.

“Sorry, are you busy?” Izzy asks in lieu of a hello as he answers with a breathy hello.

“No, it’s fine I just needed to find somewh-” Harry stops himself as he realises how stupid he’d going to sound if he continues. “I just had to get out of the office to take your call. Sorry.”

“Sorry, I didn’t even think!” Izzy apologises. “Well, I’ll make it quick. I’ve double, triple, quadruple checked with Jessie and she definitely wants to do this, so I was thinking maybe this Saturday?”

“This Saturday?” Harry repeats, feeling ever so slightly winded. That’s… three days from now.

“Yeah?” Izzy says. “Is that-”

“No, no sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant to say that’s great.” Harry confirms, slapping himself around the temple at his own idiocy, though his heart is suddenly beating very rapidly and it’s not just from his mad dash.

“Okay, that’s great. I was thinking some random cafe or restaurant is a bit pants for such a special occasion, so I thought we could all meet at a hotel, y’know, in the lobby? There’s this place in the centre of Manchester called the Edwardian, it’s a Radisson now I think. Do you know it? It’s very nice.”

“I’ll look it up.”

“Okay, great. So yeah, I thought we could do that? I thought it might be like a bit of an adventure for Jessie - not that meeting her dad for the first time isn't interesting enough by itself, of course! But you know what I mean! So, yeah, if that’s okay with you and Louis then I thought the Radisson Edwardian at say one? Give us all plenty of time together so no one has to rush around. God, listen to me rabbiting on! Stop for breath, Isabelle!”

Harry is grateful that she’s filled the last minute and a half or so with chatter because it’s given him time to start processing.

“No that’s fine, don’t worry,” He starts. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “That sounds fine to me. I can Google the hotel and find it, no problem.”

“Okay,” Izzy says happily. “Wow, this is amazing. Jessie is going to be so happy.”

That makes Harry’s heart flip and his conflicting emotions are fighting for dominance as he chokes out, “God I hope so.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry calls Louis immediately after hanging up with Izzy, but gets his voicemail so he sends him a quick ‘urgent please call’ message. Louis gives Harry an earful when he does finally answer for worrying him at work with something he could’ve told him either later on or by text.

Harry wasn’t expecting that reaction and he recedes like a snapped elastic band. Louis quickly rushes out an apology but says that he has to return to work. So does Harry really, so he accepts Louis’ apology, tells him not to worry and that he’ll see him later on. They end their brief call with a simple ‘bye’.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The easy part is deciding the when and the where; the not so easy part is deciding a who. What they can’t agree on, or rather what Harry is not brave enough to ask outright, is if Louis will be by his side or not. He noticed Izzy was inclusive of the both of them when they talked on the phone, but they haven’t decided either way yet.

Now that there is a plan in place for the weekend, the days leading up to Saturday seem to drag, but when the longest week of Harry’s life finally comes to a close on Friday evening, it certainly goes out with a bang rather than a fizzle. Louis still hasn’t confirmed that he’ll be there, and Harry had stopped asking after the first three attempts were met with a noncommittal ‘not sure yet’.

“Lou?” Harry attempts one final time on Friday evening, just as they’ve finished tea. The creamy pasta dish is sitting heavy in his tummy and he feels lethargic and tired and sad.

“Hmm?” Louis asks, peering up from his phone blearily. “What?”

“Can you tell me what you’ve decided for tomorrow please, love?”

Louis rolls his eyes and takes his feet off the coffee table suddenly. He tosses his phone onto the sofa cushion and shuffles in his seat. 

“I don’t know, Harry, I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Well,” Harry starts, desperate but wanting to stay rational. He knows what he’s asking is big. “Can you uh, can we decide now? Please?”

“I’ve just had me tea, Haz.”

Harry’s helplessness is quickly spiralling out of control. “I know, love, but we’re sorta running outta time now.”

“We’ve got plenty of time. I don’t have to decide until we get there, do I?”

“Well I kinda thought maybe you could decide now. So I’ve got time to prepare.”

“Prepare what?”

“Well y’know. Prepare for meeting Jessica.”

“And what has me being there got to do with it?”

Harry laughs, even though there’s nothing funny. “You’re my partner, Lou, it’s sort of important to me that you’re there!”

“And what if I don’t want to be?”

It stings but it’s not something Harry is unprepared for. “Well if you’re not then that’s fine but… but I just want to know so I know what to expect.”

“Well sorry,” Louis replies, standing up. “Right now I think not. I don’t… I don’t think I can do this.”

“What, ever?” Harry asks, his mouth filling with saliva and bile threatening to overcome him. “Are you finishing with me?”

“No!” Louis snaps quickly. “No I’m not. I’m still there for you, Haz, I still love you. I just… I think you should do this by yourself. Plus, I need time to get used to the idea. I know this has been a massive surprise to you but it has been for me too. I’m freaking the fuck out here, to be honest, Harry. I’m scared shitless of this new life. I don’t begrudge you or the kid happiness, but I didn’t ask for this, did I!”

“I… I didn’t think.”

“No,” Louis agrees shortly. “Harry, I’m not angry, I’m just… adapting.”

“Okay,” Harry nods, feeling emotional again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t stop to think. I’m sorry.”

“You’re all right, Harry, don’t worry. I’ll be there, okay, but this should be something you do on your own. At least the first time. I’ll sit in the car and wait until you’re done, okay? That's what I want and I’d appreciate it if you could give me the right to choose.”

Harry can only sniffle pathetically. He nods as confidently as he can and flinches as Louis puts his hand out. He realises then and takes hold of his hand, allowing Louis to pull him up off the sofa and into his arms. He lets himself be small in his boyfriend’s arms, slotting their legs together and swaying ever so slightly back and forth. Harry always holds tight to Louis, but today he really notices it. He feels better for it, too. They may not’ve gone about it in quite the right fashion, but they’ve worked together to come to a conclusion in the end.

“Thank you, Lou,” He murmurs. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Later on, upstairs in the bedroom Louis very slowly takes his time ridding Harry of every item of clothing, from his dishevelled blue work shirt to his holey grey socks. Louis works his way tantalisingly up to three fingers and then makes careful and precise love to Harry as a late-night early summer shower pats methodically against the windowpane.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry wakes on Saturday, the last day of the month, at just before nine. Louis is sleeping soundly next to him on his tummy, one leg sticking out from the duvet cover and his face pressed firmly into his pillow.

Harry has the schedule all planned out in his head; arrive for about ten to one, so on the road by half eleven just to be sure, so out of the shower by at least quarter to eleven, which means out of bed by quarter past ten at the latest. That means they’ve got pretty much an hour to wake up their bodies and have a cuddle. 

“Lou?” He whispers, rolling onto his side and gently shaking Louis’ warm shoulder. “Lou, wake up.”

Louis lays motionless despite Harry shaking his shoulder a bit more vigorously. Harry harrumphs and tries poking him.

“Nghhh, why? Why… are you doing that?” Louis exclaims suddenly, rolling onto his back and swatting Harry blindly. “Stop!”

“It’s nine, Lou.”

“And?” Louis huffs angrily. “I should be sleeping! It’s Saturday.”

“We’ve still got an hour before we need to get up, Lou.” Harry says, hoping Louis will catch the bait he’s trying to throw. “A whole hour.”

Louis opens one eye and throws Harry a long sideways glance. “You’d better be going somewhere with this, Styles.” 

Harry laughs softly from his nose and makes an attempt to roll Louis over onto his back, being careful just in case Louis isn’t in the mood to be manhandled one minute after being woken up. Luckily for Harry though, Louis comes easily and rolls onto his back, sighing loudly and looking up at Harry through his lashes.

“Hi,” Harry says, a little jolt of excitement and awe at how lucky he is making his voice jump a bit.

“Hi,” Louis says back, feigning irritation but he is warm and fond with it. “You all right?”

Harry just nods, temporarily unable to speak. He lowers his gaze to stare down Louis’ body; the duvet is pooled around his waist and his bare torso already has the beginnings of a good tan going. It pisses Harry off how well Louis tans when he himself just goes lobster red and then back to deathly pale again every August without fail.

Harry pushes his grievances to the back of his mind and shuffles down the bed a bit, disturbing the duvet as he moves. He starts off by nuzzling the dip of Louis’ sternum, just before the curvature of his belly starts. He feels Louis shift and make a small noise, but he doesn't stop him.

He carries on down, over his most favourite parts of his boy. Louis’ skin breaks out in goosebumps as Harry trails a few kisses over his tummy and lets the modest bum fluff on his chin scrape through the hairs of Louis’ happy trail. Louis likes to berate Harry’s inability to grow anything more substantial but he doesn’t seem to be too concerned now. 

Harry shuffles seamlessly down the bed on his knees in tandem with the kisses that get lower and lower. He can already see that Louis is hard inside his black Calvin’s. He places a hand underneath Louis’ hips and prompts him to lift his bum off the bed, bringing down the black material with a snap. Louis’ cock bounces off his tummy and stands at a forty five degree angle, straining a bit at the head. 

Harry licks his lips and then opens his mouth, letting his tongue hang out. He closes his eyes as he reaches out and gently rests Louis’ cock against his fingers to guide him to his mouth. 

He starts with a  lick  up one side and then does the same twice more around all sides before once more up the underside from  base  to tip  and Harry is ready to go. Louis lets out one of his sigh-giggle hybrids as Harry takes the head of his  cock  into his  mouth. 

Harry shuffles up the bed, bending his leg to help support his lower half, and lets his shoulders widen and soften to relax the back of his  throat .  He keeps his shoulder blades flexed as he takes Louis down. This has always been his strong suit; his confidence is at its peak when he’s using his l ips and tongue  to bring Louis over the edge.

It helps to keep his mind off things for a while, after Louis has let go down the back of his throat and used his hand to bring Harry to a similar fate, after they’ve quickly showered and up until the point in time, where they’re dressed and getting ready to run out the door.

Harry hadn't realised that choosing an outfit for meeting his daughter for the first time would be so difficult. Until now, the most stress he’s been under sartorially was finding a tie to match his suit when he went for his current job. Still, he finally ends up in grey jeans that used to be black, a white t-shirt and a grey patterned shirt over the top that he quickly ditches when they step outside into a literal, actual sauna.

“Shit me, why’s it so hot?” Louis moans as soon as he steps outside, making a face.

“It’s almost July, Lou, we shouldn't be surprised.”

“Hmm,” Louis harrumphs, clearly not impressed.

Last night's rain, which was still going strong as Harry lay dozing off at three o’clock this morning, is now a far gone memory; the roads and pavements are absolutely parched and red hot. Inside the car is similarly unbearable and it clearly makes Louis irritable. 

“No thanks, you’re so jittery you’ll bounce us right off the road!” Louis remarks when Harry offers to do the driving. “Just get in, belt up and shut up. I’m putting my playlist on.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> Amy x


	5. Chapter 5

 

In some ways it’s hard to believe that it’s only been six days since they were last here; he feels like he’s crammed a decade into those six days, and he supposes that in a lot of ways he actually  _ has. _

“We’re parked by the big D,” Louis remarks, snorting childishly as he swings into a parking space within Zone D and cuts the engine. “At least you won’t forget the big D.”

Harry tries to laugh. “No, that’s true.”

“Are you gonna be all right?” Louis asks, serious now as he shifts in his seat to face Harry.

Harry does manage a laugh this time, but it’s not because anything is funny. “God knows, Lou. I really don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gonna be sick.”

They discussed it again last night, post-coitally, and eventually came to the agreement that Harry would meet Jessie by himself for the first time, so as to not overwhelm the little girl. Harry had worried that Louis would feel left out, and Louis had admitted that he felt uneasy about the whole thing right now but that he’d have plenty of time to introduce himself to Jessie and figure out how he fits into her life at a later date.

Louis promptly leans over the centre console and kisses him, resting his palm gently across Harry’s cheek and letting his fingers splay into his hair.

“I love you,” Louis tells him earnestly.

“I love you too,” Harry whispers back, desperate not to cry. Not yet. “I’ll try not to be too long.”

“It doesn’t matter if you are,” Louis shrugs. “I’ll be here. Although, if Channing Tatum should walk by looking for me I’ll be sure to shoot you a quick text on my way to LA.”

Louis wiggles his eyebrows and smiles, and Harry smiles too because he knows Louis’ joking but his possessive, jealous side can’t help but rear its ugly head just a little bit. He shakes it off and kisses Louis again.

It’s 12:49 so he’s in plenty of time. He lets himself out of the car and gives Louis one last I love you. Feigning confidence, he looks around for the exit. After three flights of stairs he emerges onto street level, blinking a few times to familiarise himself with his surroundings. 

It’s stalling; delay tactics and he knows it but his nerves are on steroids. He looks back at the car park he’s just come from. He looks left down the street and then right up the street and then down at his feet. His palms are sweaty and his feet itch in his socks and shoes. Why is it so fucking warm today?

“C’mon, pull yourself together man!” He hisses to himself, and a woman and a girl of about eleven or twelve walking past at that moment look at him funny. He lowers his gaze, cheeks flaring, and makes a snap decision in half a second flat.

He vaults up the stairs, taking all three flights without pausing, as if it was nothing. The backs of his calves and the joints of his knees are screaming at him to stop but he can’t hear them over the hammering in his chest.

He splutters onto the third level, frantically looking around for their car. Just in the nick of time he remembers Louis’ awful big D joke, and he heads away from the sign pointing out section E and towards the large orange D.

“Haz?” Louis’ voice comes sooner than Harry was expecting, and he stops dead in his tracks, looking up to see that he’s dashed straight past the car.

“Lou!” He exclaims, suddenly developing a stitch when he goes to talk. “I… you, I need you, Lou.”

“I’m here, Haz, I’m here love.” Louis promises as Harry crashes into his arms. “I’m here, Harry. I’ll come down with you."

“I-I love you, Lou, fucking hell I’m a mess!" 

“No you're not,” Louis says sternly, letting go. “C’mon, you’ve gotta go and meet Jessie, love. You ready?”

“Y-yeah,” Harry gasps, taking a couple of deep breaths and flexing his fingers to try and calm his body down. Louis moves but Harry doesn't budge and Louis is soon backtracking.

“Are you okay? Harry, are you going to have an anxiety attack?" Louis asks, gripping his forearm for stability and peering in at him.

“No,” Harry shakes his head. “No, just… just outta breath. Lotsa stairs.”

He manages a smile and Louis gives a soft chuckle, a bit of the tension deflating from his chest. 

“All right, c’mon then, darling.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

With his hand in Louis’ hand Harry feels a million times braver. They retrace his earlier steps, going down to the ground floor and out into the sun. The flagstones are dry as a bone here, Harry notes, as they head off in search of the Edwardian. 

“I still think it’d be better for you to meet her on your own for the first time,” Louis verifies as they’re walking, and with that a good two minutes or so of illusion are shattered. Harry feels even more pathetic after that because he’s not sure why he’s even surprised; it’s not like Louis didn't tell him from the start that he wasn't comfortable with the idea just yet.

“Okay,” He agrees quietly, dropping his gaze down to the scuffed toes of his faux suede brown boots.

"Haz, we did-"

"I know!" Harry interrupts, waving his free hand. "It's fine, Lou, honestly."

Louis doesn't seem to be bothered about getting the last word in, like he might've been if this was just any other small spat in the middle of town. Harry's a little bit grateful, honestly.

The Edwardian is beautiful, and they’ve only got as far as the lobby so far. Between twinkling chandeliers and statues of leaping horses, the whole place has a regal elegance about it that Harry presumes accompanies a hefty price tag.

“Right,” Louis says quietly, the whole place a bit echoic and vast. “I’m gonna go and sit over there, okay? Are you gonna be all right?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods, even though he’s not even convincing himself, let alone Louis.

Louis just examines him, his eyes boring into Harry’s as he assesses things. Then, letting his shoulders sag slightly he reaches out and takes one of Harry’s hands.

“Just remember I love you,” He says, squeezing softly. “I’ll see you soon. Good luck, darling.”

“Thank you,” Harry whispers silently, the lump in his throat restricting and painful and stopping him from speaking properly. He mouths, “I love you too, Loubear.”

Louis is obviously trying his best to be reassuring as he gives Harry’s hand one last squeeze and then lets him go. Harry takes a deep breath and turns away from Louis, not brave enough to risk looking back once he’s moving. 

He looks around surreptitiously; feeling inexplicably like everyone is watching him. Thankfully, in the centre of the lobby beneath the impressive light fixture is a high backed plush velour sofa and two armchairs, and sitting there in one of them is Izzy. 

Harry’s overworked heart is in his mouth as he searches around the rest of the lobby for a small girl he might’ve missed, but Izzy seems to be alone. 

For a moment Harry fears rejection, but then Izzy spots him and jumps to her feet with a beaming smile on her face and he assumes not. The quick, polite hug is only minimally awkward.

“Hi!” Izzy enthuses. “How was the drive? It’s lovely weather today, hey?”

“Yeah, it was fine. It’s too hot for me, though. Roll on winter.” Harry mumbles, cringing at himself but apparently he can’t stop. Solid small talk.

“Is, uh, is Louis here?” Izzy asks hesitantly.

“He’s uh, he’s around yeah. He thought it’d be better for Jessie, less intimidating, to just start with me on my own for now.”

Izzy nods with a considerate smile on her pretty face, and Harry can see now that Louis made the right choice. In hindsight he can always see Louis’ logic and reasoning.

“Jessie and my mum are just up the road; I said I’d come down first and find you before she came along. Then mum’s going to have a mooch around the shops while she waits for us.”

Harry nods, thinking that yes, that’s all his unasked questions answered. 

“Okay, well… here I am.” Harry says plainly. “I’m ready when you are.”

“All right,” Izzy nods with a smile. “So if you want to wait here I’ll run and fetch Jessie, shall I?”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees, palms clammy and stomach flipping. “I’ll be here.”

Izzy nods and then hurries towards the doors with a small wave. Harry perches on the very edge of one of the arm chairs, grabbing one of the fuchsia silk cushions and hugging it to his chest. He needs Louis to bounce his nerves off right now, and though he’s close by he’s not close enough. 

So, as the next best thing he pulls his phone out and shakily sends a quick text to Louis.

_ ‘I’m gonna die Lou’ _

_ ‘No you're not you’re fine. X’ _

Harry doesn't have time to reply again, because he’s aware of movement in the doorway directly ahead of him, and when he looks up he sees the sunlight catching Izzy’s bright white hair. Her arm is outstretched and the hand of an as yet unseen person is clutching onto her tightly.

Izzy flashes him an apologetic smile and then turns to whisper something, probably gentle encouragements and reassurances, and instinctively Harry gets to his feet. As he does, a beautiful young lady steps into the lobby.

Jessie is tiny; dainty and slim with very long natural ringlets a shade or two lighter than Harry’s own, a familiarly heart shaped face and clear olive skin. She clings to Izzy’s hand, staying close by her side as they walk towards him. Harry can see Izzy murmuring reassurances to Jessie but he can’t make out what they are. 

“Hello again,” Izzy smiles to him as they get close enough. She lets go of Jessie’s hand, brings both hands up to cup Jessie’s shoulders and leans down to softly address her. “Jessie, sweetheart, this is your dad.”

Jessie swivels her neck right round to look up at Izzy and then slowly but surely straightens up and looks at Harry. He smiles weakly as he pats around blindly for the arm of the sofa, just to give himself something solid to hold onto.

“Are you really my dad?” Jessie asks quietly, her voice rounded with astonishment. She’s fighting a nervous giggle.

“Y-yes,” Harry chokes out, determined not to cry yet. He clears his throat and tries again. “Sorry, yes. Hello, I’m Harry. I’m uh, your dad, yes.”

Jessie looks at him then up at Izzy again. “Is it okay?” Harry hears her ask her mum.

Izzy nods with a smile, blinking quite heavily. She bites her lip and makes her own nervous giggling sound as Jessie slowly moves away from her mum’s side and takes two steps forward into Harry’s orbit.

Jessie wraps her arms around his body and she holds onto him tightly. Her wild mane of curls bounces as she moves and she presses her cheek to his chest, the jut of her cheekbone hitting just below his chest.

He doesn’t even need to think about it. He drops down onto the seat and pulls his daughter in close. She burrows down between his knees and hugs him tight. Harry openly sobs as he holds her, smoothing down her hair with one hand.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, that I wasn’t there for you before today. I would’ve been there in a heartbeat if I’d have known, I promise you. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” Jessie replies quietly, still wrapped up in his hug. He gently loosens the embrace and Jessie shuffles out of his arms. He wipes furiously at his damp under eyes and lets out a nervous laugh.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life!” He exclaims, sort of to Jessie but sort of to Izzy too, not sure if the little girl will indulge him in casual conversation so soon, but lo and behold she laughs and tuts him as she takes a seat next to him.

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Jessie tells him wisely. “I sang in the school choir at Christmas just gone and I was nervous but mummy told me not to be nervous so I tried to be brave and it turned out okay!”

Harry sniffs as he smiles. “That’s good advice, love, thank you.”

“Jessie, do you want to sit here love while me and dad go and get the drinks? It’s just over there, see?” Izzy says, pointing to the bar just a few steps away. Jessie agrees and sits down as Harry stands with a smile. “What do you want to drink, Jess?”

“Hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles!” Jessie exclaims instantly, her eyes lighting up.

“Jess, it’s hardly the weather for hot chocolate is it?” Izzy laughs, but it’s obvious to Harry that that’s exactly what she’s getting. 

Harry smiles and gives Jessie a little wave as he and Izzy head, only slightly awkwardly, over towards the counter together. 

“What can I get for you?” Izzy asks over her shoulder as they approach the small mahogany bar. 

“It’s okay, I’ll get them in.”

“No, honestly it’s fine. Tell me what you’d like to drink.” Izzy tells him straight, with a little grin. 

Harry gives up his resolve and very kindly asks for water. Izzy goes for the same and then they stand and wait as the young waitress fills two glasses and sticks a white ceramic mug under several varying nozzles, the can of whipped cream poised and ready to go. 

Harry stops watching the waitress and turns back around to look at Jessie. She is sitting cross legged in one of the arm chairs leafing through a pamphlet. She looks up and gives him a bashful smile. Harry looks round at Izzy, seeing that she’s still focussed on the drinks situation, so he turns back to his daughter and smiles too. She giggles and goes back to studying her leaflet.

“It’s a shame Louis didn’t stop by, we could have paired him up with my mum!” Izzy says suddenly. 

Harry laughs weakly but he automatically imagines Izzy’s mum, his daughter’s grandmother, and tries to picture the kind of woman she is and how their relationship might be. He thinks about his own mum and her currently unknown grandparental status. His eyes wander, looking for Louis but he can’t see him anywhere. He wonders where he went.

“You’re miles away there, aren’t you?” Izzy laughs, bringing Harry back to reality. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles embarrassedly. “I was just thinking about my mum. Telling her. What does your mum think?” 

“She’s just happy Jessie is getting the chance to meet her dad.”

“Does your mum hate me?” Harry asks. 

“No, why would she?” Izzy replies, eyeing the waitress who has placed the waters down and is just adding the finishing touches to Jessie’s hot chocolate. 

“Y’know,” Harry says awkwardly. “For not being there for Jessie.”

“It was me that was keeping her from knowing you, not the other way round.” Izzy says, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear; a nervous habit maybe? “You’ve been nothing but accommodating since I contacted you, Harry. You and Louis have upended your lives for us without question and I’m really grateful. I know Jessie is going to be really happy for a long time to come because of today.”

Harry doesn’t have time to voice a proper response because their drinks are presented in front of them at that moment. Chloe takes Jessie’s hot chocolate and motions for Harry to take the waters. He follows her over, glancing up quickly to try and spot Louis, but again it’s to no avail.

The three of them sit down, Harry in the corner of the sofa and Izzy in the spare armchair. Immediately, Jessie gets up and shuffles in next to him, grinning broadly.

“Shall I tell you my full name?” Jessie asks, looking rather pleased with herself. Harry nods obligingly. “My name is Jessie Rose Wright but you can call me Jessie. Or Jess or Jesca, I don’t mind all of them. Sometimes my big cousin calls me Jesca so that’s fine.”

“Well in that case, can I call you Jessie-Jess-Jesca?” Harry asks, and she giggles cutely. “No, I’m only messing. Can I call you Jessie, like mummy does? I like that.”

Jessie nods. “That’s fine.”

“Jessie, why don’t you tell daddy some stuff about you? He’s got lots to catch up on, after all!”

“I don’t know what to say!” Jessie giggles, clearly embarrassed.

“Oh you big silly!” Izzy laughs. “Tell him about school?”

“Oh!” Jessie’s eyes light up. “I get it! Okay, so I’m in year three and my teacher is called Mrs  Kowalski. I like her, she’s nice. ”

“Do you enjoy school?”

“Yeah, I do. I like creative play, and singing in assembly, that’s fun. We have iPads for maths and literacy, which is really cool. I don’t really like science but I’m okay at it.”

“You’re _ really _ good at science!” Izzy cuts in.

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s still not that fun. When I go to big school I’ll get to use fire in science, that’s what my cousin told me because she’s already in year eight. The fire machine is called a Bunsen burner.”

“Cor, that sounds decent!” Harry enthuses. “Playing with fire is fun, but also  _ very _ dangerous.”

Jessie laughs loudly. “Don’t worry, they will make sure we have been trained before we start using them, I’m sure!”

Harry laughs. “I should expect so, love, yeah.”

“How old are you?” She asks, suddenly very serious.

“Twenty seven,” Harry tells her, and her eyes widen. “Bet that sounds really old, doesn't it?”

“Not as old as my mummy!” Jessie exclaims proudly, and the two of them laugh as Izzy’s mouth hangs open indignantly and she gasps loudly.

“Thanks, Jessie! I’m only a year older!”

Harry moves the conversation on to save Izzy’s modesty. “Jessie, mum told me that you’re really into astrology?”

Jessie’s eyes light up with excitement. “Oh yes! I am! When’s your birthday, daddy? I can tell you your horoscope!”

“The first of February,” Harry tells her. “What can you tell me?”

“The first… that’s Aquarius!” Jessie correctly identifies. “That’s the water-bearer, but the element is air - I’m still not quite sure why that is.”

“Hmm, that’s a bit odd isn’t it?”

Jessie nods sagely. “Aquarius can be quiet or loud, really. So like, it’s quite a diverse star sign.” 

Harry secretly marvels at the fact his eight year old daughter just used the word diverse. 

“Oh okay,” He smiles. “Well, I think that sounds like quite a good thing to be, don’t you?”

Jessie nods firmly. “Definitely,” She says with a smile. “My grandma bought me a book on astr-astrology for my birthday when I was seven and that’s how I know so much about it, by the way.”

And that’s how it goes for the rest of the meeting. Jessie is confident and funny and Harry is completely and utterly smitten with her. She isn't afraid to ask questions, and she gives him interesting answers back. 

Harry tells her, in a roundabout way, about her family on his side that she will get to meet, and Jessie is excited at the prospect of an auntie and another grandma. Harry ignores the voice in his head that reminds him he hasn’t actually told Gemma and his mum yet. 

Jessie asks him if he’s married or if he has a girlfriend and if she has any half-siblings, and when he says no he’s got no other children and he’s not married but he does have a  _ boy _ friend, he holds his breath and anticipates her reaction. After she takes a few moments to process it all, she grins broadly and tells him how cool that is. She asks how come his boyfriend isn’t here today, and when she can meet him too? Harry promises her it will be soon. He doesn't take promises lightly, and so it does sit in his chest for a while afterwards, but it soon dissipates.

The afternoon flies by far quicker than he’d like, and honestly, Harry isn’t ready to say goodbye when Izzy starts apologetically prompting Jessie to start rounding things up.

“Can you go and put all those back please babe?” Izzy asks, pointing to all the tourist pamphlets Jessie has accumulated. 

“Hang on,” Harry says quickly as Jessie starts gathering them all up. “If you pick one, Jessie, we could go there next time we meet up? Maybe?”

He suddenly feels nervous and looks to Izzy for reassurance, but she is smiling encouragingly at Jessie, who is looking excitedly between her parents with wide eyes.

“Really?”

“I uh, well yeah, if it’s… if it’s okay with mummy?”

“Well, that sounds lovely. What do you say, Jessie?”

“Thank you!” Jessie sing-songs as she spreads all the leaflets back out - counterproductive to Izzy’s quest to get them cleared away, but oh well - and starts milling over them all. She picks up several, taking a moment to study them all. She puts them all down and keeps going, but then she goes back to the first one she’d picked up and unfurls it again.

“This one looks cool,” She says slowly, looking up at Izzy and then at Harry with a devilish grin. “Can we go here?”

Harry sits back down next to her and leans in to look at the leaflet. It’s for Chester Zoo.

“Did you know, I used to go to Chester Zoo all the time when I was a kid, ‘cause that’s where I used to live, in Cheshire.”

“Really?” Jessie asks, mesmerised. “Is it good? D’you reckon we should go there?”

“I think we should if you want to, love.” Harry says. “I’ll take you anywhere.”

“Can we go to this one, mummy?” Jessie asks, holding up the pamphlet, kicking her legs in excitement when Izzy agrees too. “Oh yes, it’ll be so exciting! I’ve never been there before!”

“It’s not long ‘til school breaks up, right? Maybe we could go then?”

“All right!” Jessie nods happily, before Izzy gently reminds her about putting away the other pamphlets. “Okay, hold your horses I’m doing it!”

Izzy playfully taps her shoulder as Harry gets to his feet too, laughing softly. 

“Thanks for this, Harry,” Izzy says while they're momentarily alone. “This has gone really well hasn’t it, better than I could’ve dreamed honestly.”

Harry smiles, feeling warmth in his chest. “It has,” He agrees. He just wishes Louis was here. “Next time, I’d like to bring Louis, if everyone is okay with that.”

“Fine with me, of course,” Izzy agrees quickly. “Talk it over with Louis and then let me know, yeah?”

“I will,” Harry promises as Jessie returns. “Hey, little miss.”

“Hey dad,” Jessie smiles, shifting her weight onto one foot and beaming up at him.

Saying goodbye is much harder than Harry anticipated. Perched on the very edge of the sofa, Jessie burrows herself into his arms and he holds onto her like the precious cargo she is. He can feel himself close to tears and he screws his eyes tightly shut against the bitter sting.

“I’ll see you again soon, Jessie, I promise.”

“Yeah,” She agrees with a sniffle. She pulls back, his arms still around her waist. “When we go to Chester Zoo!”

Harry giggles, catching Izzy’s eye. She’s smiling fondly too. “Hopefully I’ll see you again between now and then.” He says, and Jessie looks excited. “I don’t know if I could wait another month to see you again. Plus, I’d like you to meet Louis soon.”

Jessie nods. “Oh yeah, of course.” Harry smirks. She’s so grown up yet so petite. “Oh, I forgot, mum do you have the thing? For dad?” 

Jessie gives Izzy a Look, gesturing wildly with her eyes. Izzy suddenly catches on and then starts to root through her handbag, eventually producing a small lavender box with a lily on the lid. It’s faded by the sun, indicating age.

“It’s purple,” Jessie mumbles with an embarrassed giggle as she takes it from Izzy and hands it to him. “But it’s okay for boys to have purple stuff, right?”

Harry’s heart swells with pride. “Of course it is. Lilac is actually one of my favourite colours, did you know? And baby pink.” Jessie’s smile grows as Harry takes the gift. “Thank you so much. What’s inside? Can I look now or should I save it for later?”

“You can look now but there’s lots of stuff so you might need space to set it all out and look at it.” Jessie advises wisely.

Harry has a quick peek under the lid; he can see photos and something folded over, something made of fabric and what looks like a lollipop. Curiosity piqued, he puts the lid back on as his heart does a flip and he looks back up at his daughter.

“Thank you, I will have a careful look at everything when I get home.”

Jessie smiles proudly. “I hope you like all the stuff. I choosed-  _ chose _ it all myself.”

“I will love it all, I just know it.” Harry promises her.

Harry stands rooted to the spot, waving and smiling through tears as he watches Jessie and Izzy retreat. Izzy looks back over her shoulder and gives him a grateful smile, and Jessie turns and walks backwards next to her mum, waving broadly and calling her farewells to him.

“Bye, daddy!” Jessie calls to him one last time before they disappear. Harry falls back into the chair, not even thinking before he does it; it’s lucky he doesn’t fall straight on his arse.

He throws his head back and rests it on the plush edge of the back of the sofa, bringing his hands up to scrub over his face. He knows that beneath his oversized bin-lid hands his face is a blotchy wet mess. He growls angrily to himself, feeling everything all at once.

He’s unfairly furious at Izzy for keeping this wonderful little girl from him for so long; he grieves for the firsts that he missed, the times that he could’ve and would’ve been there for his daughter. He wants his Louis, he wants Jessie too. He wants her to come back and never leave; he wants to relive the last eight years with her before they can get on an even footing and start this new chapter.

Letting his hands slide down his face, he blinks through his tears and sees Louis standing in the archway between the lobby and the dining hall, exactly where he’d seen Jessie last.

His body betrays him and he lets out a choked sob, his jelly-like legs lifting him and carrying him to the arms of his man. He crashes into Louis with such force, wailing and repeating his name like they’re not in the middle of the lobby of one of the poshest hotels in Manchester.

“I can’t- she’s just- she’s so perfect, Lou, I miss her already and- and I miss you and-” He hiccups, not making any sense. “Did you see her? She’s… she’s my perfect girl and I can’t have her.”

“I saw her, darling,” Louis reassures him. “I saw her and she’s beautiful. She’s just like you, baby. You’re gonna be such a good dad.”

“I can’t- I don’t-” He gulps for air, still tucked up tightly against Louis’ small but stable body.

“It’s all right, Haz, it’s all right love.” Louis repeats over and over, the repetitiveness of both that and the soothing motions Louis presses into his back eventually calming Harry down. They manage to avoid another panic attack this time, which is a relief to Harry once he is calm and rational again.

It’s not until they’re back in the car that he really feels himself again. When they get home they go straight to bed, lying down on top of the crumpled duvet and curving around each other; Louis behind Harry with one hand on his hip, warm and constant and his nose nestled in his hair at the junction of his neck and shoulders.

Harry is grounded by the constancy of Louis’ presence; the one thing that is always guaranteed to work. Louis doesn’t make him talk until he’s ready, just breathes steadily behind him in otherwise complete silence.

Harry’s mind wanders, as it has a habit of doing. His way of coping with things and compartmentalising them is to mull over everything, usually get himself quite worked up, and then finally start to see the wood amongst the trees.

“I love you,” He murmurs a good hour or more later. He’s not even sure if Louis’ awake or not, he’s been entirely silent the entire time they’ve been laying here, the same as Harry. Even his grip feels a little weaker on Harry’s hip, but then Louis’ fingers splay over Harry’s hip and he starts breathing at his normal pace again, and he whispers back,

“Love you too, Haz. Always.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went backwards and forwards on whether to have Harry meet Jessie with Louis or without Louis, and in the end I went with what you see above you, which is the compromise I came to - a little bit of both.
> 
> I added in probably way too many darling’s to Louis’ dialogue after the lovely gifs from TXF surfaced this week of him saying it, sorry but not really!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> Amy x


	6. Chapter 6

 

On Sunday, what was supposed to be a few pints with pub lunch turns into a bit of a session – Louis’ idea. Never mind it’s a school night and Harry’s a notorious lightweight that will be hanging like a koala tomorrow, he feels infinitely better for being a bit looser and a bit happier due to the drink. 

He figures it can’t hurt. 

Nevertheless, he’s feeling jittery anyway.

“I- I shouldn’t be- I should stop!” He protests weakly, Louis batting an unbothered hand in the air in response.

“S’fine!” He slurs. “It’s wetting the baby’s head int’it? Just… eight years on.”

Harry shrugs at that, unable to really form lucid thoughts on anything in his state. “Better late ‘an never, eh?”

Louis nods pensively, but then something happens around them, Harry’s not sure what but it results in a lot of noise, and the mood is lifted again.

“Is it too soon for daddy jokes?” Louis asks him suddenly. Louis laughs weakly and Harry rolls his eyes at him, smiling without even having to think about it.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry isn’t feeling quite so smiley the next morning, though. Louis is gleeful; he feels absolutely bright as a button and spent the morning telling Harry it’s not possible to be so hungover just from beer so Harry accuses him – jokingly – of spiking his beers and the friendly banter continues on and off all morning.

Harry is itching to tell the girls at work about Jessie, the censoring of himself to not slip up and mention her is even more hard work when he is nursing a hangover. He’s not going to tell the girls about Jessie until he’s told mum and Gemma, of course, and that delightful opportunity is tentatively pencilled in for this Saturday. 

Before that, on Friday evening, they’ve got something equally as daunting and momentous to do, though. They’re going to make the hour long trip up the road after work for Jessie to meet Louis. Then, they’re going on to Cheshire to see Harry’s mum and they’re staying through ‘til Sunday.

Thankfully, by the time he gets home on Monday evening, he’s feeling a bit better (probably the extra caffeine shot he asked the barista for in Costa with his fifth coffee in as many hours) and Louis is back to being sympathetic and caring.

They eat tea and watch The One Show and Harry takes a moment to appreciate the everyday mundane things, instead of berate them. 

While Louis is in the shower, Harry takes the box from Jessie and takes it up to their room. He sits cross legged on his pillows and lays all the photos he has, plus the ones Izzy gave him the first time, on the bed and tries to go about getting them in something resembling date order.

The first and the last are the easiest; only an idiot couldn’t decipher a baby from a pre-teen. He has twenty photos, from the very early days to just a few days ago. He even recognises the top Jessie was wearing yesterday in one of the more recent ones.

There weren’t just photos in the box, there were other things too. He laughs to himself as he re-reads the little label that Jessie had sellotaped to the stick of an orange lolly - ‘ _ these ones are my favourites (you can have this one)’. _

Next he carefully unfolds the piece of paper to reveal an ink-heavy felt tip drawing of a stick-girl with brown felt tip spirals coming out of her head, stood next to a taller stick-woman with yellow felt tip curls coming out of her head. The brown spiral-headed girl has a stick-man with brown felt tip zigzags coming out of his head inside a blue felt tip thought bubble above her head. That’s him.

Louis reappears, sopping wet with just a towel around his waist. He smirks at Harry with all his things laid out over the bed, and calls him Neil. Harry has to ask for clarification on that reference, which turns out to be Neil Buchanan from the kids show Art Attack that Harry remembers loving as a kid. He just shakes his head with a bemused grin and goes back to looking at photos.

Louis perches on the edge of the bed, droplets running down his bare skin, and together they look through the photos, laughing and imagining scenarios to go along with them all. Things feel the nicest they’ve felt in days, and Harry really believes that everything  _ might just _ be okay.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The rest of the week is so-so. Time passes by and as he’s not allowed to divulge yet – a self-inflicted rule but a rule all the same – work is very boring. He gets up and he goes in and he leaves and goes back again the next day, but there’s little soul in the place.

However, the closer to Friday they get the more apprehensive Louis gets. On Thursday night Harry can tell that Louis wants some space, and so he runs Louis a bath and then makes himself scarce for a while. He hears the bath water draining away after an hour or so, and the bathroom door open. He can smell the scent of bubble bath lingering in the air and he hears Louis padding around upstairs but then the bedroom door gently closes and it goes still again.

He wanders outside, mainly to check on the rows of pants and socks that are drying in the warm evening breeze, but it’s actually a beautiful evening and he ends up taking a cuppa outside to sit and unwind. Not before quietly letting Louis know there’s one for him outside the bedroom door too, though.

When Harry lets himself into the bedroom at about ten thirty, he’s surprised to see Louis has fallen asleep on top of the covers, in a baggy white Nike t-shirt and his Calvin’s. The lavender box – as it’s become affectionately known in Harry’s brain – isn’t where he left it; it’s on the bedside table with the lid askew. Louis has been looking at the pictures. 

It makes Harry’s heart pool with warmth to see. He drops a knee onto the mattress and carefully shuffles across to Louis. He runs one hand gently over his bare arm and tucks in behind him.

“Lou?” He says softly, propping himself up on his elbow and peering in. Louis judders awake quickly, his eyes shooting open and a confused look on his face. “Hi love. Sorry, you’ve fallen asleep on top of the covers.”

“Sorry,” Louis murmurs, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. “What time’s it?”

“Just gone half ten, love.” Harry explains. “C’mon, let’s get under the covers and go to sleep.”

Louis rolls around on the bed as Harry tugs at the duvet, rather than get up and get back into bed under the duvet. Harry strips down to his own boxers and joins Louis in bed, but by this stage Louis is wide awake again and Harry isn’t quite ready for sleep yet.

Hours later they eventually fall asleep within a few minutes of each other in a sheen of sweat and heavy breathing.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Neither of them have the foresight to try and get a half-day on Friday and so the best they can both do is working through lunch to finish an hour early. By the time they both get home, shower, change and get out the door again, they’re really pushing it and Manchester’s rush hour is very unforgiving.

The only plus side is it doesn’t really leave Louis much opportunity for fretting.

When they finally emerge out the other side of the final cluster of slow moving cars and pull into the restaurant car park, all they really have time to do is jump out, lock up and get inside. Harry leads the way because he notices Louis naturally start to hang back the closer they get to the doors. 

“S’alright,” Harry says as he slows his own pace and drops back into step next to Louis. “It’s okay, Lou.”

Louis just nods in unconvincing agreement.

Harry steps out of line with Louis once again, this time to get ahead so he can hold the door open. Louis slips in under his extended arm and as he does so he lifts his head and clears his throat; he’s putting on his brave face, his best foot forward.

Harry is  _ so _ in love with him.

He steps in too, letting the door swing closed behind them as they make their way into the restaurant. It’s pretty busy and the waiting staff are dressed all in black buzzing around the place like a finely orchestrated composition. 

“Daddy!” A little voice yells over the hubbub, and Harry spots Jessie darting through the sea of diners towards them. He breaks into a smile as she breaks into a run, and she throws herself at him when they get close enough. “You’re here!”

“Yeah, we’re here, babe!” Harry coos, lifting her clean off the ground and having his first proper big hug. The first of many hopefully. He notes how light she is as he lifts her. “How are you, are you all right? Thank you for the photos and the drawings, I love them.”

“You’re welcome!” She sings politely as he places her feet back down on the floor, then her eyes flicker nervously over towards where Louis is standing. With a little nervous flourish he shimmies around to include Louis in their little love-in.

“Jessie, love this is Louis. Louis, this is Jessica Rose.”

Jessie beams happily as Harry uses her full name, and she dutifully shakes Louis’ hand when he leans down closer to her level and holds it out.

“Hello darling, it’s lovely to meet you.”

“You too,” Jessie giggles nervously behind her hand as soon as Louis releases it. “Mummy’s over here! C’mon!”

Harry smiles as Jessie scurries off, and turns to give Louis a quick smile too. “Thank you, babe.”

Louis acknowledges him by way of a hand in the small of his back and a small nod, directing Harry in the same direction as Jessie over to a table in the corner where Izzy and who Harry can only assume is her mum are sitting.

Both of them get to their feet as Louis and Harry approach, and Harry feels nervous for the first time. His go-to reaction is guilt; guilt in the face of the mother of the woman he impregnated and then deserted.

Except that’s not what happened, is it? He didn’t know she was pregnant. He didn’t purposely leave her to deal with it all alone. He has done his best to be supportive since finding out about Jessie.

“Hi!” Izzy greets him and then Louis, giving them the same polite, brief hug. “Harry, Louis, this is my mum Alison, mum this Jessie’s dad Harry and his partner Louis.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Between the three of them they make their introductions and it’s suitably awkward but only for a few moments. Jessie is a great ice breaker, and Harry must say that within half an hour or so, he seems to have suitably impressed Alison and Izzy alike.

And Louis and Jessie. Well.

“Stop cheating!” Jessie is currently exclaiming, giggling loudly. They’re supposed to be taking it in turns to be blindfolded and trying to guess what flavour Skittle they’re eating, but Louis is making himself very obvious as he opens one eye comically widely and peeks while Jessie is selecting a sweet. 

“I’m not!” Louis exclaims, closing his eyes and covering them with hands exaggeratedly. “I can’t believe you think that!”

Some of the people on the tables opposite them are looking over and watching fondly, and Alison and Izzy are almost splitting their faces in two smiling at the display. And Harry, well his heart feels too full to cope. Like all the golden, glowing warmth is about to spill out at any moment.

Jessie huffs and she swivels right round in her seat, selecting a red Skittle very stealthily and holding it up. “Okay, hold your hands out, but keep your eyes closed!”

Louis does so, his eyes screwed up tightly. Jessie drops the sweet into Louis’ palm and he bats it expertly into his mouth.

“Mmm, fruity!” He exclaims. “Is it… orange?”

“No!” Jessie giggles. “One more guess then I win if you don’t get it!”

“Oh no, what am I on about? I didn't mean orange, I meant lemon, silly me!”

“Nope!” Jessie cackles devilishly, and Louis’ eyes spring open with a knowing wink to Harry. “Wrong, it was red! Strawberry!”

“Oh, silly me!” Louis pretends to sulk. He crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. “I guess you’re the winner.”

“Yep!” Jessie confirms happily, and she begins to shake out a handful of Skittles.

“Last handful now, Jessie, you’ve had almost the whole bag!” Alison protests weekly.

“Not just me!” Jessie rightly protests. “Louis too! He helped!”

“Jessie, listen to grandma, sweetheart.” Izzy interrupts softly.

Harry watches all of this go down proudly. Louis’ hand is on his thigh, squeezing gently. With their main courses down and the bill settled, all it leaves them to do now is make their toilet stops and then the slightly less desirable task of saying goodbye.

“Jessie, do you need to use the toilet, love?” Izzy asks, and Jessie shakes her head. “Okay, well I’m going to go. Are you sure?”

“Hmm, maybe?” Jessie decides, following her mum towards the ladies.

“I’d better go too actually, Haz,” Louis murmurs, grabbing his arm. “See you in a sec.”

Harry nods and watches as Louis wanders off. He’s fonding quite hard, he knows he is. When Louis disappears from sight Harry lets his gaze falter, and he catches the eye of Alison.

She smiles and beckons him over with a nod of her head. Harry’s stomach clenches as he approaches the woman with a smile. 

“Hi lovey. I just wanted to say, I’ve never felt like I’ve known someone before I’ve met them, until you. Jessie has told me all about you, and you’ve only spent what? A couple of hours together, all told?” Harry nods with a gracious smile. “Izzy’s my baby, of course I’ve always wanted the best for her, but as far as I’m concerned, this is pretty damn close. Jessie is such a precious little girl and you seem to be absolutely smitten with her, and her with you too. Thank you for giving my daughter a chance, and giving my granddaughter two more loving parents in her life.”

Harry can’t quite believe he’s crying again, but he is. He can feel it, and he can see Alison’s own glassy eyes widening as he reaches up to brush them furiously away. “I’m so sorry,” Harry exclaims, laughing falsely. “I’m… I would say I’m not normally an emotional person but that’s not true. That means so much to me, it really does.”

“You’re more than welcome, sweetheart,” Alison smiles, giving Harry a quick hug. “It’s been an absolute pleasure.”

“Oh my God, mum are you making Harry cry?!” Izzy exclaims with a broad grin as she returns with Jessie. “Mum, what have you said to him?”

“Oh give over,” Alison laughs, patting Harry’s shoulder one more time before reaching for her handbag that’s slung over the back of the chair.

“Where’s my Lou-Lou?” Jessie asks, looking around with a frown. 

“Oh, he went to the loo too,” Harry explains. “We’ve got another bit of a drive ahead of us, so he didn’t wanna risk it.”

Jessie giggles. “I’ve just realised something,” She says cheekily. “Lou is in the loo!”

The three of them indulge her with their laughter, but Harry actually finds it quite funny in the end. It seems like the sort of joke he’d make. “That’s my girl!” He murmurs to himself.

“What are we all laughing at?” Louis reappears too at that moment, and Jessie makes a big show of making every promise not to tell Louis what they were laughing at. Louis’ bewildered face is comical and although he’s playing it up for Jessie, he leans in to Harry once it’s all died down.

“Did I do something to embarrass myself?” He asks.

“No love,” Harry whispers back. “She was laughing ‘cause she said ‘Lou is in the loo’.”

Louis snorts. “I see!” He says wisely. “Like father like daughter, hey; one terrible joke after another!”

“Oi!” Harry protests but Louis shushes him with a gleam in his blue eyes. “My jokes are actually very good. And my daughter’s too, for that matter.”

Louis rolls his eyes, clearly unconvinced. “Yeah, sure.” He says as Jessie comes over, pretending to be angry at them. “Jessie’s pretty funny, but I think your material needs a bit of work, Haz, what d’you reckon, Jess?”

“Yeah, your jokes are rubbish daddy!” Jessie exclaims, despite never having heard one of his jokes before. He’s sure she’d change her mind if she heard some. “Don’t worry, I’ve got three joke books at home so I will bring one next time if you like and we can practise some?”

“I think that’s a good idea, don’t you Haz?” Louis smirks gleefully as Harry pouts and pretends to be offended. Jessie loves it, giggling adorably. Louis casually squeezes her shoulder as he laughs too and Harry forgets to be anything other than completely and hopelessly endeared.

There are hugs all round when it’s time for them to part ways; the remarkable thing is it doesn’t feel at all awkward. He feels he’s gained the trust and respect of Izzy and her mum, and Louis has charmed his way into all of their hearts. That’s unsurprising really; he just has that way about him. Harry was helpless to Louis from the moment they met, in all the ways.

So Harry might’ve known he’d mess things up.

Jessie, Izzy and Alison give them one last wave before they start meandering off towards the car. The two of them stand on the pavement outside the restaurant waving and calling their own goodbyes.

“Bye daddy! Bye my Lou-Lou! See you soon!” Jessie shouts to them one last time from the other side of the car park before getting into the car.

Harry’s eyes immediately go to Louis as he hears Jessie’s nickname, and Louis is beaming back at her, waving and shouting goodbye.

“She loves me!” Louis exclaims, turning to Harry with jazz hands and a broad grin. “I am officially the best stepdad ever. Stepdad? Is that right? Is that what I am?”

“I uh-” Well, they haven’t exactly discussed this. “I guess, yeah?”

“What?” Louis asks, his expression cooling slightly when he senses Harry’s unease. “What did I do wrong now?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Harry is quick to amend. He  _ really _ doesn’t want to get into an argument after such a successful evening. “I just… I guess we just haven't discussed it yet.”

“Well no time like the present, Harry!” Louis laughs. “C’mon, Harry, you’ve been bugging me to be happy about this since we found out, now I am and you’re what, you’re jealous, is that it?”

Harry scoffs and Louis’ eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. “Are you surprised she likes me? Were you hoping she’d resent me? Is that it?”

“Lou, don’t be ridiculous, yeah?”

“I’m not, Harry, I’m just trying to work it out!”

“It’s just a lot, okay? This is all happening really fast and it’s taking a bit of getting used to, okay?”

“Really?” Louis asks, pretending to be shocked. “Oh, I hadn’t realised!”

“Lou, don’t do that, it’s annoying.” Harry says as Louis starts to stalk off towards their car.

“Oh!” Louis almost yelps, spinning around to face Harry. “ _ Sorry _ ,  _ Harry _ , didn’t realise I was being annoying, I am sorry! I  _ do _ hope you can forgive me.”

He says it with such spite it gives Harry whiplash as he does a double take. “What is that supposed to mean? Why’d you say it like that,  _ I hope you can forgive me _ ?”

He stares and Louis who just shrugs. “Nothing.”

“Are you saying I should be begging for your forgiveness over all this?” Harry pushes. “I haven’t done anything wrong to you, Lou! Fuck you. I don’t owe you anything.”

“Oh, is that so?” Louis asks with a malicious laugh.

“Yeah! I’m not asking you for help, I could do this without you, y’know?” Harry fires back, his mouth acting quicker than his brain, as usual. He claps a hand over his mouth in horror. “I didn't mean that.”

Louis’ shoulders stiffen up with tension and he glares daggers at Harry. They’re both momentarily frozen on the spot, staring at each other in mutual disbelief but for different reasons. Louis unpauses first.

“I know you didn’t,” He mutters shortly before motioning for Harry to get in the car. “Get in the car, you colossal twat.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The air is a little frosty between them when they get to Holmes Chapel. The car journey had hardly been fun. Harry wishes he’d offered to drive, at least then he’d have had something to do with his hands for the past hour instead of fidgeting and picking his nails and making them bleed, staring out the window at countryside speeding past.

It’s about twenty to ten when they arrive and not quite dark yet, a sliver of light still hanging in the distance. Louis cuts the engine abruptly and jumps out, pressing the switch that opens the boot automatically. Harry gets out too and heads round to grab their overnight bag.

“Lou?” He tries as he shuts the boot with a gentle clunk.

“I’m fine, Harry.” Louis replies, falsely brightly as he central locks the car and heads for the front door. He steps aside so Harry can use his key to let them in. He calls out a greeting and Anne appears in the hallway from the kitchen, smiling and throwing a tea towel over her shoulder.

“Hello my loves!” She beams, dashing towards Harry with her arms wide open, and then to Louis. She holds them both tight and rocks them side to side before releasing.

“How was the drive? Not too bad I hope?” Anne asks.

“It was fine,” Louis answers, as the driver it makes sense. “No traffic, road works just outside Sheffield but this time of the evening it was quite enough we just sailed through.”

“Fab,” Anne smiles, heading back to the kitchen. At the same time, Harry goes to take Louis’ car keys from him and put them in the dish on the sideboard but Louis snatches his hand away and places them down himself, slightly too forcefully to be natural.

“Everything okay?” Anne asks with a look of slight puzzlement between them. Louis looks at him and then at Anne and smiles stiffly with an unconvincing nod.

“Yeah,” Harry steps in after Louis’ questionable effort. “I fell asleep in the car on the way here and I just woke up so I’m a bit… disorientated, sorry.”

“Ah,” Anne nods sceptically. “Well, the kettle just boiled if you fancy a brew, boys? Come through, come on, that’s it.”

Louis follows hot on Anne’s tail and Harry trails behind, feeling his heart plummet further with every step.

They always gather in the kitchen-slash-dining-room at his mum’s house; it’s just the way it’s always been. The table is a heavy old oak thing with chairs that require moderately good upper body strength to pull out. Each one is adorned with a hand-crafted cushion for comfort, and once you’re in one you’re there for the night, really.

He quickly notices Louis’ eye on him, and he knows exactly what Louis is trying to convey without words. He discreetly shakes his head and hopes that Louis gets the message. This isn't the right time to tell his mum about Jessie; Louis wouldn’t be as cruel as to drop him in it just to spite him, Harry knows he wouldn’t. Still, it takes him a good ten minutes or so to properly settle down though.

Between arriving and midnight they drink six cups of tea between them and devour a packet of chocolate hobnobs. Louis warms up as times goes by, and by the end of the evening he’s got his toes shoved underneath Harry’s thigh as they sit on the sofa together laughing and joking with Anne as the telly plays to nobody.

“I’m gonna call it a night I think,” Louis announces just before half past midnight. “S’been a long day. Haz, you staying up for a bit?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods, giving Louis a small smile, relieved when he smiles back.

“All right,” Louis nods. He takes his empty cup through to the kitchen and then returns, leaning down to quickly peck his lips and then kiss Anne on the cheek goodnight. “See you in the morning, Annie-Pannie. Later, Hazza.”

“Night, love,” Both Anne and Harry say as Louis shuffles out of the room. 

And then it’s just the two of them.

“How is everything sweetheart?” Anne asks almost immediately once they’re alone. She definitely suspects something but Harry would bet a million pound what she’s imagining is  _ way _ off the truth. “How is everything  _ really _ , sweetheart?”

“It’s fine, mum,” He says weakly. “All good.”

“Harry Edward,” She says sternly. “Don’t lie to your old mum. I know you and Gemma well enough to know when something is up.”

Harry knows that this is his moment; this is the perfect opportunity that might not present itself again. Just the two of them, it’s quiet, his mums in a fairly good mood. 

With a resigned little sigh, Harry gets up and moves over to sit next to his mum, shuffling around to get comfortable. Anne stiffens slightly, clearly worried now. 

“Okay, you’re scaring me now Harry. What is it?” 

“Umm,” Harry begins, losing some of his nerve. “So, a couple of weeks ago somebody that I used to know got in touch and said they had something to tell me. it was completely out of the blue, I didn’t even recognise her at first. But then she told me something, and-“

“Harry, good lord can you  _ please _ cut to the chase, love, please?” Anne interrupts frantically.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbles. “Okay, so, an old girlfriend - sort of not really a girlfriend just, y’know…” Anne gives a flustered nod. “Well, she contacted me and she had some, some news for me.”

“Yes, you said that,” Anne says. “And that news was…?”

Harry stares back at her with trepidation. He takes a deep breath, still undecided on exactly how he’s going to go about this. 

“I’ve got a daughter, mum.” 

It just tumbles out in the end. All that fretting and panicking and in the end he just comes out with it. The biggest secret he’s been keeping from his mum since his teenage years, and it’s out there in the open now.

She laughs. That reaction he was  _ not _ expecting. Quickly though she stops, her features drawing into themselves as she notices he’s not laughing too. Not even smiling.

“Harry, love, that’s not funny. What’s really going on?” 

“I’m serious, mum,” Harry confirms, sniffing so hard his sinuses hurt. “I’ve got an eight year old daughter. You’re a grandma.”

Anne stares at him, unmoving, for what feels like decades before moving. She sits back in her chair, calmly gathering her hands in her lap. She clasps her fingers together and peers up at Harry.

“An eight year old daughter?!” Anne echoes. “Are you- Harry this is crazy talk! What about Louis? Is that- why he was so off this evening? You two have been- eight years? Harry, I’m gonna need more explanation than this!”

So Harry tells her everything he knows, right from receiving Izzy’s first message. First she is sceptical and then she is doubtful, questions how he can be so sure the child is his, and worries for him that his good nature is being exploited by some gold digging chancer. But then Harry asks her to hold on a second, and when he returns it’s with the lavender box in hand.

“Here,” he says, handing it over. “I think this will put your mind at rest.”

She takes the box gingerly and uncurls her legs from underneath her, planting her feet firmly on the carpet and setting the box in her lap. She removes the lid cautiously, like she’s expecting a snake to jump out at her. 

Harry had arranged it so Jessie’s drawing was on the top, followed by the stack of pictures, still in date order. Anne has tears in her eyes before she’s even started on the photos. 

She’s freely crying as she carefully sets the drawing down and picks up the stack. Jessie as a baby with food all around her face, the snap of her on her first birthday, her year one school photo right up to the recent ones and back to the toddler picture again.

“This is- she’s…”

“She looks like me doesn’t she?” Harry supplies as his mum is clearly lost for words. She’s touching her fingertips to the picture carefully, as if she’s scared it’s not really real and is going to evaporate at any second. “Her name is Jessica Rose.”

“Harry, she’s beautiful,” Anne gushes, looking up with tears streaming down her face. “And it’s really true, she’s really yours?”

Harry nods, his own eyes extremely leaky. “Yeah,” He confirms awkwardly; the fact that he’s basically confessing a one night stand to his mother is not lost on him. “It was the summer I left college. I didn’t know she got pregnant, mum, otherwise I would’ve stood by her and supported her, y’know I would.”

Anne nods, sniffling away a tear. “I know you would, love. I’m just… I’m in shock. I can’t even imagine how you’ve been feeling. And poor Louis too.”

Harry smiles tightly. “He freaked out. He thought I’d cheated on him. I know that’s how it must’ve looked to him, but she’s eight, mum. It was before I even knew Louis.” 

“I can understand his reaction,” Anne says, and Harry nods in agreement. “How is he now?” 

“Up and down. One minute we’re fine, the next it all goes a bit… wrong. Louis met her this evening. We all had a meal together in Manchester before coming here; me, Lou, Jessie and Izzy and Izzy’s mum too.”

“Bloody hell,” Anne breathes out heavily. “That’s intense. And how were they together?”

“Really great,” Harry smiles fondly. “She loved him. They did a blindfolded Skittle tasting challenge together. She was calling him my Lou-Lou by the end of the evening.” 

Anne’s face folds into a look of pure adoration. “That’s lovely! And does he feel ready to be a stepdad?”

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know.” He says honestly. “I think he’s about as prepared for this as I am. which is not at all. I want to like, do it as a team. With him.”

“And have you told him that?”

“Well…” Harry begins sheepishly. “Not in, like, so many words. But… it’s implied, right? Like, it changes nothing in our relationship.”

“Harry love, it changes  _ a lot _ in your relationship.” Anne tells him. “You may still love each other the same as you did last month but you’re both parents now, in one way or another. You have to adapt, grow, accommodate. Things will never be the same again, love. 

Harry smiles weakly; the grave seriousness of what his mum is saying is hitting him hard.

“Talk to him, love. Involve him at every turn. And most importantly, tell him what you just told me!  _ Tell _ him you want to be a team,  _ tell _ him you want him to be by your side. Communication is key, sweetheart, that’s why me and your dad never made it. But as long as the two of you are on the same page; communicating together on the parenting bits and respecting your relationship, there’s no reason why this can’t work out, love.”

“Are you… are you disappointed?”

“No love,” Anne says, and the speed at which her smile takes over her face shows Harry how genuine she is. “Not in the slightest. I’m disappointed  _ for _ you, that you’ve missed out on some stuff, and I can’t pretend I’m not a bit disappointed we didn’t get to experience the newborn stage, but I know you’ll be a fabulous dad, lovey. I still can’t quite believe I’m saying that! I’m a grandma! Gems is an auntie! Oh good lord, she’s gonna love that!”

“What do you reckon Gems will say?” Harry ponders.

“I think she’ll flip out but she’ll be happy.”

“I’ll Skype her tomorrow,” Harry says. “If she can find five minutes for me in her high flying London life!”

Anne pats his knee playfully. “When do I get to meet her? Soon, hopefully!”

“Yeah, I’ve promised her we will take her to Chester Zoo in the summer holidays, so… you could come along; seeing as though it’s just up the road for you, and all that. You  _ might _ as well come.” Harry jokes, earning himself another light smack on the thigh.

They both end up shedding a few more tears as they look over the photos again before going to bed. Anne holds him in an extra tight hug before wishing him goodnight and disappearing.

Harry takes a moment to compose himself before doing the same thing. He goes to the kitchen, wanting a cup of tea but knowing that it’s late and the caffeine will just keep him awake – he’s got enough caffeine running through his blood already anyway – so he goes for a glass of tap water.

When he goes upstairs to the spare bedroom where he and Louis sleep, he is surprised to find Louis is still awake. He’s not sitting up in bed on his phone or anything, but his breathing is shallow and controlled and his body is almost comically rigid under the light duvet.

“Lou?” He whispers. Louis waits a second before rolling onto his back. Now that his eyes have adjusted to the change in light levels, Harry can make out Louis’ figure and the light catches his eyes.

“How did it go?” Louis asks softly, and the tension drops out of Harry’s shoulders as he rids himself of his jeans and scrambles into bed next to Louis.

“I love you,” Harry says instead of answering. “I love you and I want to do all of this with you, Lou, if you’ll have me? I want to be a weird little family and share a beautiful daughter and I want her to call you dad too. I want all of it with you, Lou. I want it more than anything and I’m sorry that I expected you to just magically know all of that. I’m sorry and I love you.”

Louis is silent for a moment before Harry hears him laugh very softly to himself in the dark.

“I guess it went well, then?” He jokes. “Harry, I love you too. You’re an idiot and you turn my world upside down all the time and in the biggest way imaginable, but I still love you for it. I’m not going anywhere, Harry.”

“Promise me?” Harry whispers, swallowing thickly.

Louis is nodding; Harry can just about make out. “I promise. Just… sometimes I might need a minute to wrap me ‘ead around things, okay?” Harry nods too. “We’re doing this together. Besides, your daughter sorta already loves me, so…”

“Our,” Harry corrects microscopically. “She’s  _ our _ daughter, Loubear.”

Harry feels Louis push his foot between his ankles and wrap his hand around Harry’s own. 

“Yeah,” Louis whispers hoarsely. “Ours.”

  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was dialogue heavy, sorry, but I just couldn’t skim over the big important things like first meetings and telling Anne!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> Amy x


	7. Chapter 7

 

They get back from Cheshire late on Sunday afternoon. Harry is exhausted, both mentally and physically; from staying up until the early hours of Saturday morning whispering in the darkness with Louis, to a full day out with his mum on the Saturday and a takeaway and Die Hard on ITV2+1 until two am forming their Saturday evening. 

It’s been about five hours since Harry Skyped Gemma and told her, and he’s still absolutely buzzing with leftover adrenaline and relief at her delighted reaction to becoming an auntie.

At first she hadn’t believed him, of course; she thought he was pulling her leg and even when Anne had sat down next to him and verified the story to Gemma she’d been sceptical. Then she’d seen the photos and she’d realised they weren’t messing about. She was so much more excited than Harry ever expected her. Gemma, his sister who has never shown an interest in ‘snotty rugrats’ was clutching her hands to her chest and demanding Harry to  _ ‘hold the bloody photos still so I can look properly!’ _ . 

Harry might just have thought he was living in a parallel universe, if not for the fact that that’s not even the weirdest thing that’s happened to him recently.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The next morning is a quiet morning in the office; Kyra is off sick so it’s just him, Rosie, Pam and one other girl who works at the other end of the office. They’re indulging in cream cakes from Morrisons’ bakery and once again serendipity just seems to present itself to Harry at the right moment.

So, he takes a deep breath and opens his mouth.

“Girls?” He says, Pam and Rosie’s eyes landing on him with mild interest. “So uh, I guess I’ve got some news?”

“Ooh, gossip!” Rosie rubs her hands together gleefully. “Spill it, Babyface.”

Harry rolls his eyes as he laughs. “Not gossip, quite big news actually.”

“You’re getting married?” Pam guesses first, butting in.

“Nope.”

“You’re getting a dog?”

Harry smiles. “Nope.”

“You’re having a baby?” Rosie asks, her brow quirking as she realises. “Somehow?”

“Close!” He yelps, pointing his finger with excitement.

“Close? What d’you mean close?” Pam asks. “What’s close to having a baby?”

“How about… I’ve already got one?” Harry says slowly, anticipating the confused faces that stare back at him.

“Harry love, are you drunk?” Rosie asks him with a comically grave expression on her face. “Have you been on the old wacky backy?”

Harry chuckles. “No, but a few weeks ago an ex contacted me and, well, long story short, we share an eight year old. I’ve been dying to tell you all but I had to wait until my mum and sister knew.”

Though they mean well and it’s  _ never _ done with any malicious intent, trying to make the girls at work realise that just because he’s with a man now doesn’t mean he’s gay is a tough job. They look most perplexed as they try and figure it out.

“An ex- _ girl _ friend _ ,  _ ladies!” He exclaims with emphasis. “C’mon, let’s be realistic here, please!”

“Are you serious, Harry?” Rosie asks. “You and Lou have been together for ages! How? When?”

“She’s eight,” Harry says again. “My daughter, she’s eight. She was born before me and Lou were together.”

They’re both suitably flabbergasted and seemingly quite unconvinced until Harry takes some pictures out and shares them around. Both women are suitably enamoured by his little beauty, and they both hug him. When he returns from lunch there is a congratulations card sitting on his keyboard.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

When he gets home that evening, Louis is already home, and he’s on the phone. The smile he gives is reassuring, but Harry purposely doesn’t listen in because he’s scared stiff of what he might hear. Louis wanders all around the house before going upstairs,  still chatting, and Harry situates himself on the sofa.

He doesn’t turn the telly on; he doesn’t pick up his phone. He just sits there. He doesn’t know how long he sits there before he hears Louis jogging lightly down the stairs. He comes into the living room mumbling a quiet goodbye before holding the phone out to Harry.

The screen illuminates with the motion, and Harry’s heart lurches as he reluctantly takes it and lifts it to his ear. Thing is, his mother-in-law is the kindest most warm-hearted second mum he could ever wish for, but he knows how fiercely protective she is of all her kids.

“Hi, Jay!” He answers, trying not to let on how terrified he feels.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

“Did she threaten you? Did she tell you to tell me to make an honest man of you? Did she try and sell you Phoebe and Daisy for babysitting duties?”

Harry laughs out loud, perhaps a bit maniacally from the relief, as Louis questions him afterwards. Jay had given him a hard time, jokingly, but then she’d gushed about how happy she was for him and she’d had a million questions for him, of course.

“No, she was very nice,” Harry says. “She only shouted at me a little bit.”

Louis snorts. “You know she’ll be itching to call herself Nanny Jay now. I’ll uh… I’ll have to tell her to rein it in a bit.”

“S’alright,” Harry shrugs. “If she wants to, let her.”

“Maybe we should wait a while before encouraging her,” Louis smiles fondly. “Let Jessie settle into the family first before introducing her to the crazy ways of her wicked step-grandmother.”

“You make her sound like a Disney villain!” Harry protests, laughing still. “Poor Jay!”

“You didn’t grow up with her,” Louis points out eyebrows arched. “She could be a villain when she wanted to be!”

Harry laughs but he doesn’t quite believe Louis on that one. He’s relieved that everyone who is important knows now. Jay is going to tell the girls and his own mum is tasked with letting Harry’s estranged dad know. The ladies at work know and Izzy has told him that everyone on her side knows that Harry is in the picture now. That thought fills him with trepidation but there will be a lot of these moments in the future, he knows that.

He’s glad it was Izzy that he unwittingly chose to have a child with, all those years ago. She seems nice from the little interaction they’ve actually had, and she hasn’t made anything difficult for him, despite the precarious situation. 

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Mid-week, Harry receives a surprise but welcome call from Jessie. She screeches down the phone to him, almost bursting his eardrum, but it’s worth it for the excitement in her voice. She demands to say hello to ‘my Lou-Lou’ next.

“Hiya love, all right?” Louis greets her, a permanent smile on his face. “Oh wicked. Yeah, sounds good, Jessiepie. Yeah, okay love. I’ll get your dad for you. Bye!” 

Louis smirks as he hands Harry back his phone. “Little Miss Chatterbox on the line for you, sir.”

“Mummy said that if you and my Lou-Lou want me to I could come over to see you again on Saturday? At your house?” Jessie launches straight into it. Her spiel is obviously well-practiced. “I have never been to Sheffield before, the furthest we’ve gone is to Bournemouth on holiday when I was six, do you know where that is? We were in the car for a whole day almost and we stopped off for Burger King at a services station and it was really cool!”

“Wow! Bournemouth? I’ve never been there before!”

“Oh it’s nice, there’s a beach there, you’d like it,” Jessie assures him, and Harry has to smile. “But anyway, is it okay to come to your house on the weekend? Mummy needs to know so she can buy petrol.”

“Jessie!” Harry hears Izzy yelping in the background. 

“Oh yes babe, of course it’s okay. It’d be lovely to see you. Oh, guess what?”

“What?” Jessie asks excitedly.

“I’ve told your grandma all about you, and your auntie Gemma. They are so happy and they can’t wait to meet you too.”

“Will I see them this Saturday?”

“No love, grandma Anne lives in Cheshire remember? Near the zoo?”

“Oh yeah, silly me! What about auntie Gemma?” Jessie asks hurriedly, like she can’t quite get her words out quick enough. “Will she be there? Does she live in Cheshire too?”

“Nope, she lives in London!” Harry says, and Jessie gasps. “Yeah, so you might not get to meet her for a few weeks, but I was thinking we could FaceTime grandma when you come to visit, ‘cause grandma’s really looking forward to meeting you and I know she won’t be able to wait all the way until the summer holidays.”

“Okay, yeah!”

Jessie hands over to Izzy soon after and Harry finishes up arranging times and giving postcodes and door numbers for Saturday. When he hangs up, he feels the itchingly overwhelming urge to tidy the house.

“Calm down,” Louis says, unbothered as ever. “I really don’t think Jessie is gonna care about a bit of dust or cobwebs in the corner.”

“No, but Izzy might. What if she sees and decides Jessie can’t come back here again?”

Louis rolls his eyes with a scoff. “I think you’re being a smidgen dramatic, love.”

Nevertheless, Harry does a little bit each evening for the next two nights, and then he’s up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning to get a head start in anticipation of Jessie and Izzy’s arrival at midday.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The smell of bleach in the house might be slightly on the wrong side of suspicious, but it’s clean and Harry thinks it was well overdue a good spring clean anyway – it is July for God’s sake. Louis thinks he’s funny making jokes about getting high off the fumes, but he’s really not.

Harry is close to having an anxiety-induced aneurysm by the time twelve rolls around. He leaps to his feet as he hears car doors slam and rushes to the door, flinging the thing wide open - to find it’s their neighbours getting their ASDA shop delivered. 

Feeling ridiculous, he closes the door again and returns to the living room feeling embarrassed. 

Louis has a shit eating grin on his face; he knows Harry’s faux pas. “Shut up,” He mumbles, prompting Louis to snort loudly. 

“I didn’t say anything, darling!”

Next time a car door slams, Harry ignores it. He’s sitting there, making a big thing of ignoring Louis, when there is a small but brisk knock at the door.

“Oh ha ha, very funny!” He spits, turning around. Louis is absolutely incredulous. “You’ve probably paid the Asda guy to do knock door run on us!”

“Oh shut up, you tit!” Louis exclaims, getting to his feet. “It’s the door, Harry. I think it might be for you?”

It is them this time, of course. Louis hadn't bribed the Asda delivery guy to prank him. The two of them greet their visitors at the door together, becoming their own quirky little group of four.

“Oh good, hi! Hello! I was convinced we had the wrong place!” Izzy chatters away nervously. “We were bumper to bumper until the M67 but then we just sailed through! I was sure we’d be late, I’m so sorry!” 

Harry hurries them in, reassuring Izzy that they’re not late while smiling at Jessie as she rolls her eyes at her mum. Harry watches her look around in wonderment as he points them in the direction of the living room. 

Louis is standing up in the middle of the room looking as easy going and approachable as ever. Jessie goes straight to him, wrapping her arms around his middle in a big hug.

“This place is nice!” Izzy says conversationally.

“Our house is old! Like, really old - almost as old as the Victorian times, isn’t it mum?” Jessie provides, causing them all to smile fondly.

The four of them take a seat, Jessie gravitating to Izzy and sitting down close to her, too close to be comfortable. Talking of too close to be comfortable, the atmosphere suddenly feels very heavy around Harry and he doesn't know what the hell he should do.

He’s aware of the silence that has been stretching on four seconds or minutes or probably decades now; he has no idea what to do to fill it.

“So!” Louis finally breaks the silence, and thank god for Louis, honestly. “What’s the plan for today then, guys? Think Harry’s gone temporarily mute, don’t you?”

Izzy giggles and then leans in to Jessie, putting a cajoling arm around her. “Well, we were chatting about it in the car, and I want to have a look around Meadowhall while we’re here, so… if it’s all right with you two, I was thinking it’d be nice for Jessie to have a few hours here without me.”

“Yeah, that sounds good to us, right Haz?” Louis is speaking, he is digging his elbow into Harry’s thigh firmly too. “Harry?”

“S-sorry, yeah,” He springs to life eventually. “Yeah, that’d be amazing.”

“Great! I mean, I won’t be gone for too long. She’s brought her school stuff with her for the project; it’d definitely be great if she could maybe get some of that done?”

Harry nods firmly. “Yeah, of course. That’s no problem.”

“Okay, great. Well, it’s all in the car so.”

Louis gallantly accompanies Izzy to her car to fetch Jessie’s stuff, and Harry has to smile when they return; Louis clutching a small Shimmer & Shine backpack and Izzy looking equally flustered but grateful behind him. 

“Thank you my Lou-Lou!” Jessie exclaims, snatching it from him a bit lively. “I’ve brought all my craft stuff, and my school books!”

She goes scurrying off to the table, keen to get all of her things unpacked and situated.

“Jessie, don't you wanna say bye to mummy? She’s heading out for an hour or so.” Harry prompts when Izzy gives him a bewildered and bemused smile.

“She loves shopping, daddy, she won’t only be just  _ one _ hour you know.”

Harry tries to be diplomatic and keep a straight face, but he can see Louis smirking and it’s hard to keep focussed. Yeah 

“Well, regardless, maybe we should say bye-bye before we start getting all the crafts out, yeah?”

“All right,” Jessie agrees finally. She lollops across to Izzy, throwing her arms around her heavily. “Bye mummy, see you later.”

“Love you, angel.” Izzy says quietly into Jessie’s hair. Harry’s heart warms up. “I’m on the other end of the phone if you need me to come back okay?”

“Yeah!” Jessie agrees, quite obviously not feeling the anxiety that her mother clearly is. “I’ll be all right mummy, I’m with daddy and my Lou-Lou!”

Izzy smiles at that, nodding frantically. “Yes, you are. That’s right. Okay, I’ll be fine, pull yourself together girl! Right, I’m off! Harry, call me if you need me to come back, okay? Or if anything happens, please.”

“I will,” Harry promises. Izzy waves to Louis and says goodbye to Jessie again before Harry walks her to the door.

“Thank you for doing this,” Izzy says before she leaves. “I’ve got my phone if you need to ring me for anything, I don’t mind coming back. I’m only just up the road anyway, aren’t I, so-”

“It’s all right, Izzy,” Harry cuts in, because she’s clearly nervous and trying to talk herself out of going. “She’s gonna be fine, I promise.”

“I know,” Izzy laughs perhaps a bit embarrassed.  “I know, I’m just being stupid. I‘m gonna go before I embarrass myself too much more. See you soon?”

“You will,” Harry says with a friendly smile that he hopes is reassuring. “Enjoy Meadowhall!”

He’s speaking ironically, of course, because he  _ hates _ Meadowhall with a passion. He waves Izzy off, and it’s significantly less awkward now than when they first met, and considering it’s not been that long in the grand scheme of things he thinks that’s pretty good going. You know, seeing as though they have a child together and all that.

The thought makes him shiver, but not with a necessarily bad feeling. He disappears back inside once Izzy rounds the corner at the end of the street. Jessie and Louis are at the dinner table; a whole host of coloured pens, paper and crafting materials scattered over the table top already and it’s only been a few minutes.

“Daddy can help with that,” Louis is just saying as Harry reappears. “Oh, hiya love, all right? We’re crafting.” Louis says with proud emphasis on the last word.

“So I see!” Harry exclaims. “What can daddy help with?”

“The family tree,” Jessie explains. “My Lou-Lou said that you know all the names for the family tree, and he will help me make my photo album ‘cause he is good at art.”

“Hmm, you could say that,” Harry smirks, wincing slightly as Louis’ foot comes into contact with his shin under the table. 

Jessie is very good at delegating; Harry’s ‘station’ is writing down everyone’s names so she can copy them, Louis’ department is designing art for the front of the photo album, and Jessie is currently gluing down the edges of crinkled sheets of orange sugar paper to fashion the bare bones of her photo album.

“Team work makes the dream work,” Louis says, his eyes gleaming and Jessie laughs her head off at that. Louis looks so pleased with himself.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Harry reaches for a slip of paper with the school logo on top. He reads the block of large print Comic Sans font: 

_ ‘This term at Benchill Primary School, we are celebrating families and what makes them special and unique. Use this space or create your own family tree with as many family members as you can think of!’ _

He smiles to himself; they’re certainly a unique family. He sets about listing everyone for the tree; but even with Louis’ gargantuan tribe of sisters he’s done way before either of the other two. He even takes the time to Google pictures of family trees and fills a blank sheet of paper with his best efforts, leaving spaces on each branch for Jessie to fill in the names.

“You can help my Lou-Lou if you like, daddy.” Jessie suggests when he announces that he is finished.

“No thanks!” Louis objects, but Harry shuffles his seat around to the end of the table, next to Louis, and peers in annoyingly. Louis rolls his eyes but eventually relents. “You can hold my pencils. Pass them to me when I ask, please.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

All joking aside, Harry is very impressed with what Louis comes up with. He always is though. Jessie is too. His design for the front cover of Jessie’s photo album is heavily shaded Gothic-style Aquarius zigzags sitting in between the horns of Taurus with Capricorn lined up against the loop of the Taurus with its own tail fading off to the side.

“Taurus!” Jessie yelps when Louis gently dusts off the last of the powdery grey residue and slides it across the table for her to inspect. “And Aquarius! Daddy, that’s you! Lou-Lou, you’re Capricorn, I didn’t know that!”

“Yep, my birthday’s Christmas Eve, love.” He says, grimacing as her eyes widen. “It’s nowhere near as exciting as it sounds, I promise.”

“My grandma’s birthday is on Boxing Day!” Jessie remembers.

Louis has long since stopped caring about his birthday; it’s always been about his sisters and Christmas for him. Harry stops for a moment to consider what this Christmas will be like, five short months from now they’ll have – in some form or another – their daughter with them to celebrate.

Before he can start getting misty eyed, he moves them on to the next task; selecting pictures for the album. They let Jessie pick the majority; trying to coax her away from picking too many that are too similar. 

“Wait, I’ve just realised something!” She cries, slamming her hands down on the table top. “I need a picture of you and Lou-Lou to go in here, daddy!”

Harry falters; he’s not sure they’ve  _ got _ actual printed copies of any of the photographic evidence of their five years together, and eventually he realises that the only option is to remove the small picture of the two of them that’s in a frame on the sideboard and use that. 

“Perfect,” Jessie sighs contentedly as she dabs glue all over the back of the paper and then presses it down firmly with her tiny little hands. “All done. Can’t wait to show mummy!”

“Let’s leave it here in the sun to dry off a bit,” Harry suggests, moving it over into the wedge of direct sunlight that is falling across the corner of the wooden surface. “While we’re waiting, I was thinking, if you want to, we could try FaceTiming grandma?”

Jessie’s face lights up and she swoons in disbelief. “What now? Yeah, I wanna do that!”

They move to the sofa, Jessie tucking in next to Harry while Louis takes a seat on the opposite sofa. Harry looks over at him, feeling a bit lost when he doesn’t sit any closer but Louis just smiles encouragingly. 

“Okay, ready?” Harry asks Jessie, who eventually stops shuffling around and burrows into his side, hidden from view. He slings one arm around her small body and holds the phone aloft, just his own mug in the frame for now.

The dial tone trills four times and Anne answers on the fifth, her image pixelated and washed out for a moment while she gets herself situated.

“Hello love!” She exclaims as her reflection settles into the frame nicely and the audio catches up with the picture. “This is a surprise, what’s up?”

“Uh,” Harry begins smugly, unable to stop himself. “I just thought I’d give you a call because there’s someone here very excited to see you!” 

He squeezes Jessie’s shoulders and lowers his gaze, meeting her eye and giving her a comforting smile. “S’alright, love, you can say hi.”

Jessie springs up, bursting into shot as she uncurls her shoulders and lengthens her neck. “Hi grandma! I’m Jessie!”

“Oh!” Anne reaches out for the screen as if to touch her granddaughter. “Oh sweetheart, oh my word, hello angel! Oh, I wasn’t expecting this today!”

Anne is immediately bawling with tears, happy tears. Harry has a lump in his throat and he sees Louis quickly bring his hand up to his mouth, trying to keep it together. 

“Don’t cry, grandma, I’m not sad about things!” Jessie says, leaning closer to Harry’s phone. “I’m just happy I get to know my daddy and Lou-Lou now!”

“Oh sweetheart, you’re so lovely, I can’t wait to properly meet you!” Anne sobs, smiling so widely it’s a bit worrying that her face might snap. “I’ll see you very soon, okay? I promise, oh I can’t wait to make up for everything we’ve missed out on. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“S’alright grandma,” Jessie shrugs amenably. “Are you coming with us to Chester Zoo? ‘Cause daddy says you live near it, so, it makes sense!”

All three of them laugh, Louis and Harry here in the front room and Anne in her pixel form on the screen.

“Yes, lovely, if you don’t mind me tagging along I’d love to come! I’ll take the day off work especially if you let me know when it is!”

“All right!” Jessie grins. “I think it’s being organised by mummy and daddy so I will find out for you!”

“Thank you, Jessie. I can’t wait.”

Jessie and her grandmother chat for about twenty minutes all told; she takes Harry’s phone from him and holds it up herself, taking Anne in the phone over to the table and holding up the photo album for her, showing her the collection of crafts and emptying her rucksack to show Anne all her other things that she’s brought along.

Harry can see it in his mum’s eyes; she’s two seconds away from booking herself a train ticket across the Pennines. Jessie immediately loves Anne, it’s obvious but also unsurprising. Harry has a feeling she’ll be the same with her Nanny Jay too, and Auntie Fizzy especially.

“Daddy!” Jessie is poking his thigh and giggling at him, and his mum is on the screen laughing too. 

“You’re away with the fairies there love, aren’t you?” Anne jokes, wiping her eyes.

“Sorry, I was just… sorry, I was daydreaming.”

“About our trip to the zoo?” Jessie asks.

Harry giggles. “Yeah love, about our trip to the zoo.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

After saying goodbye to grandma, Jessie finishes off the family tree, asks very politely for some crisps and a drink, and then all too soon Izzy is back again to take Jessie home.

She’s itching to get at Jessie, pulling her onto her knee and listening intently as Jessie tells her all about what they’ve been up to; crafting and eating and meeting grandma.

“Via FaceTime,” Harry clarifies when Izzy looks around expectantly. “She lives in Cheshire, so… not exactly able to just pop in.”

Once all of Jessie’s stuff is packed away and they’ve had their protracted hugs goodbye, the house suddenly feels very empty again. She’ll be back next weekend, they’ve already confirmed it, but today was different than the other times.

“Quiet without her, int’it?” Louis muses quietly, outstretching his arm. His fingertips just reach Harry’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”

“Today was the first time I really felt like a proper dad, y’know?” Harry says, letting his guard down and letting himself be completely vulnerable with Louis. He knows Louis will take care of him.

“It was a special day,” Louis agrees, shuffling closer so his touch becomes firmer, realer.

“I miss her,” He laughs, because if he doesn’t laugh he’ll cry. He’s going to cry anyway, though. “I knew nothing about her for eight years and now I’ve had a couple of hours and all I want is more.”

He looks up at Louis. By the look on his face he’s got lots he wants I say, but he just settles for something simple in the end. 

“Love you, Harry.”

He smiles, reaching up to link his fingers in Louis’. Their hands slip down to the cushion between them. “Love you too, Lou-Lou.”

Louis smiles, laughing softly to himself. They sit in silence for some time after that, coming down and recollecting. Eventually Louis gets to his feet, letting Harry know he’s going to make a start on tea. Harry sinks into the warm dip that Louis has left behind. He closes his eyes for a moment; he feels dangerously close to sleep. 

He wakes himself up with a snort. He knows he hasn’t been out for more than a minute or two, but he already feels groggy and disorientated. 

He heaves himself off the sofa and staggers towards the kitchen, a light dusting of glitter in the carpet catching the sunlight and snatching the breath right from his lungs as he falls into Louis’ arms. 

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

“Fuck, yeah- uh, fuck yes.”

It’s Sunday evening, just before eight o’clock and that is a good a time as any to be having sex, as far as Harry is concerned. 

Harry digs his fingers into Louis’ hips, desperate to leave his mark. He can’t get close enough though; even though Louis is nestled in his lap filled to the brim with Harry’s cock as deep inside him as he could possibly be.

Louis murmurs absently under his breath, clearly not fully present. He’s exhausted to the bone, Harry can tell. His toes are shoved under Harry’s thighs for leverage and his small, warm hands ghost all over Harry’s body, unable to find a suitable resting spot. Eventually he gives up trying and just removes his hands, pigeoning out his chest and taking a deep breath as he throws his head back and rocks his hips back and forth as enthusiastically as he can.

Harry decides to help out; he brings both hands up to Louis’ waist, settling them into the dip and thrusting up into him. When Louis is up on his knees, Harry sinks down to the bed and in doing so, he slips out of Louis’ body.

“Whayadoin’?” Louis slurs, his head snapping forward. His eyes loll and they’re bloodshot.

“Swap,” Harry murmurs breathlessly, digging his hands into Louis’ hips to stop him from settling down once again. “You’re knackered, baby, please let me.”

They switch positions. Louis’ eyes flutter closed again as he sinks into the mattress and Harry pulls his legs up for him, letting them fall open and pushing back on them to lift Louis’ bum a bit.

He doesn’t waste anytime lining himself up and pushing back in because Louis looks like he’s just moments from fading away. 

“Lou, c’mon baby, s’alright. You with me, love?” 

Louis’ focus returns after a beat and he looks longingly up at Harry. He nods, licks his lips and then closes his eyes again. He digs his shoulders into the bed, arching his back. He throws an arm over his body and splays his fingers wide over his flushed chest as Harry fucks him.

“Fuck-”

“C’mon, baby.”

“Yeah- gonna-”

The last thing Harry sees before he blacks out is Louis’ hand come off his chest and go down to his cock. Harry shuts his eyes against the bright flare of stars in his eyes as he comes.  They both stutter and stammer as they come, the heat between their spent bodies unbearable. Harry slides out of Louis and falls forward, landing awkwardly half on Louis’ body with his own left arm trapped under his own body weight, but it’s fine. 

Louis turns his head and seeks out Harry’s lips; they kiss blindly until Louis is back in the land of the living then they take turns to shower, back in bed together by ten o’clock.

“We’ve missed tea,” Louis points out at about half past ten, just as Harry was about to doze off. His brain wakes up at the realisation, and that is how they end up sat up in bed eating Domino’s pizza at quarter past eleven at night.

They see out two am and even three am too. They’d opened the floodgates on the long overdue heart-to-heart they’d needed to have about ten minutes before the pizza arrived, and by the time it seems like their conversation is winding down, when the pizza box is discarded on the floor, Harry has basically resigned himself to the fact that he isn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

Typically, though, he falls asleep somewhere between four and five am, and when he wakes up dazed and confused at seven fifteen he’s not sure what day it is  _ or _ what his name is.

He feels like a zombie all morning at work and he gets next to no work done. He spends most of his time talking about his weekend with Pam and Rosie, but then Louis calls ahead at lunchtime and lets him know that he’s taken a half day as it was quiet so he’s in the shops now and long story short he needs to know if there is  _ really _ any difference between fresh pasta and dried pasta because he’s cooking them tea tonight.

Now they’ve always shared the cooking, much like they share most things in their relationship, but it’s always sort of been Harry’s forte; his strength and his interest. Louis cooks food because he needs it to survive, but Harry cooks food because he wants to try a certain flavour combination or ingredient.

“I’ll take your silence for scepticism,” Louis says into his ear, and he suddenly realises he hasn’t responded yet. 

“No, sorry. I was- there isn’t really a difference. Get whichever is cheaper.”

“Well dried is cheaper but it doesn’t look as good as the fresh. That makes me look right professional that. I’m gonna get that, thanks for your help.”

Harry rolls his eyes with a smirk. “No problem, see you later. I might be able to get out early, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Cool, see you later. Love you.”

“Love you too, Loubear.”

Harry disconnects the call and looks down at his phone for a moment before looking up to find a pair of eyes on him. 

“What?!” He giggles nervously as Rosie’s smug grin widens.

“You two are so cute,” Rosie coos, rolling across the office towards him on her spinny chair. “Everything still going okay between you two? After the… news.”

Harry nods. “Yeah,” He says, but apparently he’s unconvincing.

“Harry.”

“It  _ is _ fine. It’s... a lot to get used to, of course. I don’t blame him for being a bit funny sometimes. I sure as hell would be if the tables were turned.”

“Naturally,” Rosie agrees. “Are you two talking about it? Being honest with each other?”

Harry nods again. “We were up until almost five this morning, just chatting about… everything.”

“And you’re both on the same page?”

“Think so, yeah,” Harry confirms. “I feel about as prepared for this as he does, I think, so we’re on quite an even footing in that respect - at least I feel we are. I feel as if this is happening to both of us at the same time, not just me, if that makes sense. Like, obviously it’s affecting him and I differently but I sorta feel like we’re both feeling the same.”

“Yeah, I think I know what you’re saying. Like, you may be Jessie’s dad but you don’t feel like that automatically means you’re more to her than Louis is.”

“Exactly!” Harry exclaims, pointing a finger. “You’ve hit the nail on the head there.”

“And Louis knows how you feel, right?”

“I think so,” Harry says again, sheepishly. “I’ve told him I still love him the same and want him to be there. My mum said that just because I feel it’s implied that I love him doesn't mean Louis always knows how I feel.”

“Exactly. Wise old mum. I’m sure Louis knows you love him but don’t take it for granted that he does. It’s easy to forget that when someone or something comes along that takes a lot of our time and focus.”

Harry feels a bit sick at that thought. “I… uh. God, I want to hug him right now. I miss him.”

He laughs, feeling embarrassed and stupid as Rosie gets off her chair and throws herself at him. She’s all boobs and soft tummy and nice smelling perfume and it’s comforting; enough to keep him from completely losing it, anyway.

He goes quiet for the next hour or so and then just before two he stumbles into his boss’s office complaining of a stomach ache. He doesn’t really feel like he’s faking, is the thing. He feels truly nauseous and very hot; the bloke staring back at him in the toilet mirror is pale and sickly.

Rosie gives him a sympathetic smile and mouths ‘get well soon’ to him as he feebly excuses himself and leaves the office early. He’s going home to his Lou.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, and as always, thank you for reading so far. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’d be so kind.
> 
> The next one is the last one! 
> 
> Amy x


	8. Chapter 8

 

Louis is peering into an Asda bag for life with a confused look on his face when Harry bursts through the front door.

“Haz, what’re you d-”

Harry throws himself at Louis, disregarding the welfare of Louis’ shopping completely in favour of his own mission. “You know I love you right, Lou?” He says into the angle of his neck and shoulder. “You’re my person, you mean the whole world to me and I love you, okay?”

Louis laughs uneasily. “Course, Haz. What’s brought this on?”

“No seriously,” Harry repeats, not letting go. “I don’t tell you enough and I just expect you to know but I’m telling you now that you’re so special to me; my life wouldn’t be worth living without you.”

“Don’t say that, love,” Louis murmurs, stiffening in Harry’s embrace ever so slightly. Harry just tightens his grip. 

“Thank you for understanding and staying by my side through all of this, Loubear.”

“You’ll always have me, Haz,” Louis says, shimmying himself out of Harry’s arms so they can look at each other. “I’m not going anywhere, love. Why would I after all this time? No, you’re stuck wi’ me, I’m afraid!”

Harry smiles though he doesn’t feel humoured. “I was talking to Rosie at work,” He admits. “Mum said it too. They made me realise I can’t just assume that you know I love you so I don’t need to tell you. But I do, because it’s nice to hear them sometimes, right? And given everything that’s happened in the last month or so, we don’t wanna be forgetting each other.”

“No,” Louis agrees. “Thank you, I… I guess that means a lot. It just took me by surprise.”

“Yeah, sorry to just burst in here. I was feeling a bit sick at work, getting myself all worked up so… I had to see you.”

“So you’re skiving off just for me?” Louis asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “Everyone loves a bad boy, and he’s picked me, out of all the girls in school he’s picked  _ me _ to bunk off the afternoon with! Stacey is gonna be  _ so _ jealous!”

Harry giggles. His Lou is amazing, honestly. “I love you, you bloody weirdo.”

“I love you too, but you’re a bigger weirdo than I am.”

Harry’s mouth falls open. “Are you calling me fat?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “See!”

“What’re you making us for tea?” Harry asks immediately next. “Do I see chicken breasts there? Am I going to get salmonella?”

“Cheeky git, you can go hungry for that.” Louis says with a dazzling glint in his eye.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

They both call into work sick on Tuesday, Harry from the kitchen on his mobile and Louis from the landline in the living room. After that, they climb back into bed together with breakfast telly playing quietly in the background to nobody.

They take an early lunch - a brunch of sorts, Harry supposes - of leftover chicken and chorizo mac & cheese from yesterday and then make the comparatively-short-but-longer-than-they-realised drive to Cleethorpes for a bit of bracing coastal sunshine without the possibility of bumping into anyone that might know them.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

They both return to work on Wednesday, and it takes Harry until mid-way through Thursday to get back into the swing of things after his impromptu day-and-a-half off with Louis. 

He is relieved when Friday finally rears its ugly head, even if he  _ has _ just had a day and a half off.

Rush hour traffic is the same as it’s always is, but in a strange way Harry actually finds the queues comforting. They remind him of his past-self, himself from a month ago, sitting there in traffic feeling fed up with his mundane life and at a literal standstill, not knowing what was right round the corner waiting for him. He can’t believe it’s been more or less a month to the day since Izzy’s initial message, and that he’d ignored it initially because he assumed it would only be a crap notification.

Harry smiles as he thinks of Jessie. He wonders what she is doing now. He can’t wait to see her tomorrow. They haven’t quite finalised the plans yet; Izzy had seemed very focussed and detail-orientated when they’d first met but he’s now realising that that perhaps isn’t the case.

When he finally gets home, Louis is already there, sitting out in the back garden with a beer, which is all right for some.

“Hi love,” He says, stepping onto the back doorstep. The white plastic creaks ominously and he hops off quickly. “Started without me?”

Louis turns around and throws a dirty grin over his shoulder. “Not for the first time.”

Harry rolls his eyes and heads to the kitchen to get himself a cold beer from the fridge. He throws down his bag and kicks off his shoes en route, and joins Louis in the garden a moment later with the top three buttons of his shirt undone and his socked (sweaty) feet in the parched yellow grass.

“Good day at work?” Louis asks vaguely. His eyes travel away from Harry’s and he takes a sip of his beer whilst waiting for Harry’s response.

“Yeah,” He says, then he chuckles. Louis’ eyes snap back to his immediately with confusion. “I realised in the car, like, this time a month ago we were just about to hear from Izzy for the first time and we had no idea what was coming. I’d been to work, been stuck in rush hour traffic, come home, you asked how my day was. Just like today. Seems funny to me, how things happen.”

Louis stays silent for a moment, taking everything in. Eventually, he pulls an odd face and looks heavenwards. “Well, I hope you don’t have any more surprises in store for me, I don’t think I could handle it.”

“I don’t,” Harry promises. “I got next Friday off, by the way.”

“Good, me too.” Louis confirms. “Have you called your mum?”

“No, I will do it soon. I need to find out from Izzy what time we’re allowed to pick up Jessie.”

“Okay,” Louis nods. He drains his beer and gets to his feet. “Need a wee. Back in a minute, love.”

Harry nods and sits back in his seat, throwing his head back and letting the warm afternoon sun seep into his skin as he waits for Louis to come back. Before that, though, the vibrating of his phone on the table top disturbs him.

He blinks away the distortion and sees Izzy’s name on the display. Now, this could be Izzy or it could he Jessie; she’s taken quite the liking to hijacking her mum’s phone and calling him up whenever she wants to.

“Hello?” He answers quizzically.

There is a beat of rustle and static before, “’Iya daddy!”

He beams. “Hi love, y’alright?”

“Yep!” Jessie barks. “Guess what! I finished my writing for my family project!” She yelps without giving him time to guess what.

“Oh nice, d’you wanna read it to me?”

“Yeah!” She confirms happily. “Is my Lou-Lou there too?”

“He’s just gone to the loo, he’ll be back in a- oh here he is.” Louis smiles as he sits back down, well aware of who it is on the phone. “Shall I put you on loudspeaker so Lou-Lou can hear too?”

“Yeah, ‘course!” Jessie says, as if it was obvious. Harry holds the phone between them and puts Jessie on loudspeaker. “You ready?”

“Yep!” They both chorus. “Ready!”

“Okay, listen carefully!” Jessie begins. “So! It goes: ’My name is Jessica Rose Wright and I am eight years and two months old. My birthday is the tenth of May so my star sign is Taurus. My family used to be quite small, until a few weeks ago. That was because I had never met my dad. But, my mum phoned him and told him about me being born eight years ago and he said that he wanted to meet me. So he did! Now I have a big family with lots of new people in that love me a lot and I love them a lot too as well. 

When I found out my daddy has a boyfriend not a girlfriend or a wife, I was really happy because our project this term is what makes families special and I think that having two dads and a mummy is very special and not everyone gets to be so lucky to have so many parents to love them, so that makes me happy to be part of my family. The end.’” 

Harry can’t speak; his throat is tight and constricted with the overwhelming knot that has formed there. His hand holding the phone aloft is shaking as he blinks through his tears and tries to make out Louis on the other side of the patio table.

“I’m finished,” Jessie says warily when she is met by silence. “Did you like it?”

“That was really good, Jessie,” Louis steps in when he realises Harry isn’t going to be able to. “Did you really write all of that by yourself?”

“Yes!” Jessie huffs playfully. “Of course I did! I’m quite good at literacy, y’know, it’s one of my best lessons!”

Harry rolls his eyes at her adorable precociousness, finally finding his voice. “Well done, Jessie, that was brilliant, babe.”

“I will bring it with me to show you tomorrow. In case you want to read it again.”

“Okay love, sounds good. Is mummy there so I can find out what time we’re getting you?”

“Yeah, hang on,” Jessie mumbles, and there is a bit more static while she scrambles to find Izzy. Harry takes the call off loudspeaker while he is waiting. “Here she is. See you tomorrow, daddy!”

“Bye love!” He calls, then as Izzy says hello, “Hiya, how are you?”

“Yeah, good, sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier in the week with the plan!” Izzy apologises. “Are you still happy to come to us tomorrow?”

“Yeah sure,” Harry agrees simply. He’s obviously not going to turn the chance down. She could ask him to go via bus to pick Jessie up in Stoke-on-Trent and he’d still agree. “What’s uh-” This part is still awkward though. “What’s the plan? How long do we have with her?”

“I was thinking that if you arrived by about twelve-ish, then nobody has to rush in the morning, and you’ve got most of the day. We’re going to my mum’s in the evening and we need to be there by half past six, so that gives you most of the afternoon? Just have her back to me by six?”

Harry sighs silently. It’s not all day and it’s not quite painless yet but it’s good enough and he isn’t going to self-sabotage by arguing. “Yeah, sounds good. We can be there for half past twelve. The weather is set to be good again so I thought we could take her to the park or something? Get some food or an ice cream or something?”

“Food  _ and  _ an ice cream if I know Jessie!” Izzy laughs. “Well, that sounds good to me. So we’ll see you at half twelve tomorrow then? You’ve got our address, right?”

“Yep,” Harry confirms. Now that the details are down, they’ve got no real reason to stay on the line, and that still isn’t not-awkward yet. “See you tomorrow.”

“Was she all right with that?” Louis asks, obviously trying to be diplomatic in the face of Harry’s obvious unease as he ends the call and puts his phone down.

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Still feels so weird, y’know. I barely know her, but yet she’s trusting me with her kid. I keep feeling like someone’s gonna pull the rug out from under me soon and it’s all gonna go wrong.”

“First of all, it’s your kid too not just hers. And secondly, it’s not gonna go wrong. Jessie loves you already. As far as she’s concerned, you’re her dad and that’s all that matters. She doesn’t think about the distance or the time or the years spent apart. All she cares about is that she’s got her dad in her life now. That’s your priority, okay?”

Harry sits and stares at a chip in the paintwork as he listens to Louis, then he smiles as he looks up. “You really remind me of your mum when you get passionate like that, Lou.”

Coy embarrassment rushes to Louis’ cheeks and colours them pink. “Shut up, you know I’m right, stop deflecting.”

“Can we go inside?” Harry asks quietly, suddenly feeling lit from within with unexpected desire. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Louis giggles,  _ actually _ giggles, as Harry gets out of his seat and reaches out for Louis’ hand as he brushes past. He is hot on his tail as Harry dives back inside, letting the patio doors slam shut behind them as they collapse onto the sofa, making out like horny teenagers.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

They’re up bright and early to get to Wythenshawe for half past midday. Harry offers to drive, as he’s conscious of the fact that Louis has done all of the ferrying them back and forth between Manchester and Sheffield. Even though Louis insists he doesn’t mind, Harry purposely runs ahead of him and scrambles into the driver’s seat before Louis can get to it.

Rolling his eyes, Louis gets in the passenger side and grabs the AUX cable. “Fine, but I’m still in charge of the music.”

They have Weezer all the way to Manchester. Aside from Buddy Holly, Harry isn’t really too bothered about their music but it’s all annoyingly familiar to him now in view of the amount of times that Louis listens to them, and he can’t help but tap his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the bass. Plus, it blocks out the sound of Louis’ football rolling around the boot obnoxiously.

“Looking forward to today?” Louis asks as they merge into the slow moving traffic getting on the M60. 

The closer they get, the more nervous Harry feels, but he’s not sure why. “I feel all right,” He mildly lies. “Not like it’s the first time, right?”

“Right,” Louis agrees, picking up his phone and scrolling in silence. Weezer is then replaced by the Pixies. “D’you think in time Izzy would let us have Jessie all weekend? Like, overnight access or whatever they call it?”

That thought hadn’t occurred to Harry and now he’s not sure why not. He focusses on the traffic, merging into the fast lane and putting his foot down before he answers Louis. 

“I’d hope so,” He answers truthfully. “Can’t see why not. Unless, like, Jessie didn’t want to for any reason.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”

“Well, y’never know. Not necessarily because of you but maybe me. Like…”

“Are you kidding?” Harry asks, taking his eyes off the road for a beat. “Jessie loves you. I think she likes you more than me! It’s all ‘my Lou-Lou’ this and ‘my Lou-Lou’ that.”

Louis chuckles softly. “Yeah, don’t mean she likes me more than you though.”

Harry decides not to answer that, he just smiles and then concentrates on the road and the dulcet tones of Here Comes Your Man.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

The last little segment of the journey seems to go quicker than the rest; Google Maps takes them right to the front door without any mishaps. 

“This is it,” Louis announces, rather ominously, as he takes his seatbelt off and cracks the door open. 

Harry doesn’t reply. He cuts the engine and looks up at the house. Number twenty four. His irrational, nervous side is convinced they’ve gone wrong somewhere, but then a familiar head of brunette curls appears at the front door and his nerves crumble away.

“Daddy! My Lou-Lou!” Jessie squeals, jumping off the front door step and dashing down the path towards the brick wall that borders the small garden.

Izzy follows her out, smiling kindly as she watches them disembark and Jessie throw herself into Harry’s arms and then at Louis. The three of them make their way up the path together, Jessie chattering away excitedly at a million miles an hour.

Harry finds himself going first, following Izzy and Jessie into the house, Louis behind him. Once they get into the living room he stops abruptly, unsure of what to do next. It’s nice, it feels like a proper family home; the kind of feeling he gets when he goes to his mum’s house or Jay’s house. He’s satisfied with the thought of his daughter growing up in a place like this.

“So!” Izzy exclaims, too loudly. Jessie looks up at her in surprise before going back to rifling through a load of crinkled pages of coloured in pictures. “How was the drive?”

“Good yeah,” Louis nods. “Harry drove, for once, so that was nice.”

Harry thinks about protesting but he knows there’s no point so he just goes for a bashful smile.

“I want a Lamborghini when I can drive!” Jessie pipes up, staring indignantly when all the adults scoff and laugh. “A yellow one! If I start saving now I could do it by the time I’m eighteen!”

“I’ll hold you to that!” Izzy laughs, at the same time Louis says, “When you do you can give me a lift to work in it!”

Harry feels dizzy at the thought of that; what will things be like ten years from now? He can’t imagine having an eighteen year old child; sometimes he still feels that age himself. Skipping the baby and toddler stage completely has given him a head start to fatherhood that he doesn’t like, plainly, and skipping ahead to the teenage years before he’s even got acquainted with his pre-teen isn’t something he can wrap his head around.

“C’mon dreamer,” Louis’ voice pulls him out of his reverie. “Jessie’s ready to get going.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Wythenshawe Park is only two minutes away from the house, so Jessie doesn’t have enough time to settle in and start asking are we there yet?

The sun is high in sky and there is no escape; even in the shadows of the statuesque trees it’s still very warm. Louis dribbles his offending football along at his feet as they make their way through the park with the eventual aim of visiting the play area.

Harry, who has two left feet at the best of times, watches with a permanent grin etched on his face as Jessie runs alongside Louis, getting stuck in tackling him for the ball. And Louis doesn’t even appear to be letting her win, either.

Harry feels proud that his girl is so multi-talented and unwilling to stick to the expected gender norms that society may have for her hobbies and interests. 

“Tell y’what, get it between those two trees and I’ll buy you an ice cream. If you miss, daddy has to buy us  _ both _ ice creams!”

Harry perks up at the mention of his new moniker – but  _ what _ is Louis signing him up for?

“Oi, what’re you two scheming!?” He calls, watching Louis fall by the wayside as Jessie gets the ball at the tips of her toes and guides it along the grass skilfully.

“Don’t worry,” Louis laughs as he jogs over effortlessly. “She’s not gonna miss.” 

They both watch as Jessie hoofs the ball up field and between the makeshift goal. She lets out a shrieking whoop with her hands above her head and runs back over to them with a gleeful grin on her face. 

“Ha-ha, now you gotta buy me an ice cream!” She gloats, hands on her hips. 

Louis ruffles her hair and makes a dash for the ball. “Last one on the ball’s a rotten egg!” He yells. Harry smiles as Jessie rolls her eyes and goes dashing after him. Harry stays walking at his leisurely pace, bringing his phone out and snapping a few inconspicuous live action shots of the merriment.

“Ahh, it’s daddy that loses this time!” Louis announces like a commentator as Harry saunters up to them some moments later. ”You can forfeit your loss if you go and get us all ice creams.”

Harry finds himself dawdling over to the ice cream van a few moments later with his order just about memorised; never mind the fact that Jessie changed her stance on strawberry sauce and a chocolate flake about five times while she was deciding.

“Hiya mate, can I get… one 99 with the raspberry bubblegum sauce and a flake… one 99 without a flake but  _ with _ strawberry sauce… and one strawberry Cornetto please.”

Harry shoves the wrapped Cornetto safely in his pocket and then tackles the two gargantuan cones - one dripping with blue sauce – the ice cream man holds out to him. He takes the cones, thanks the vendor and then very carefully begins his journey back over to Jessie and Louis. 

He peers up, only very quickly, as he gets closer and he can see Louis watching him closely, tongue bitten between his teeth like he’s absolutely dying to make some smartarse comment about Harry’s clumsiness or his trustworthiness with ice creams, but to Louis’ credit he doesn’t say anything.

“Why is everything raspberry flavoured always blue?” Harry wonders out loud as he hands Louis the blue tinted ice cream.

“Thanks,” Louis murmurs. “And I don’t know. Probably so people don’t confuse it with strawberry.”

Harry considers this; Louis is probably right.

Jessie sits cross legged in the grass tackling her ice cream. Harry is first to finish his ice cream so he sits picking daisies, making chains with them, which prompts Louis to bring up his sisters, Daisy in particular. Jessie is fascinated by the concept of twins and asks Louis how he tells them apart. Harry asks her if she is excited to meet grandma Anne next week, and she says she is.

“D’you reckon she’ll have got me a present?” She asks innocently, and Louis snorts while Harry guffaws. 

“I’m sure she will do, yes love!” Louis splutters. “And Nanny Jay when you meet her.”

Jessie smiles broadly, her lips caked in ice cream, before going back for another go at it.

After their ice cream break they find the play area, and there are plenty of other kids there for Jessie to join in with. They sit down and watch as Jessie has a few goes up and down the slide before a little redhead girl in a Manchester United shirt approaches her and asks her if she wants to play tag.

They watch as she darts around all over the adventure playground with the little gingernut and a handful of other kids too. 

“Having a nice time?” Louis asks him as they sit side by side. 

Harry nods. “Yeah. I’d like to be able to do this all the time, y’know?”

Louis smiles minutely. “Not in November when it’s pissing rain you won’t.”

Harry smiles too. “No, s’pose you’re right there.”

“I’m always right,” Louis says, looking away and peering out over the play area, watching Jessie and her new mates. “I was right when I said that it would all be okay, wasn’t I?”

Harry mumbles something, feeling embarrassed as his cheeks flame, and he nods to indicate Louis was right. “I should listen to you more often, shouldn’t I?”

Louis’ eyes widen exponentially; they’re bright blue and glowing with mirth and happiness. “Can I get that in writing please?” He shrieks, putting on a very regal sounding voice. “Day two thousand five hundred of Louis and Harry’s relationship; Harry admits he should listen to Louis more!”

“Shut up,” Harry mumbles, shoving his shoulder into Louis’ ambiguously. “How long should we leave her until we tell her it’s time to leave?”

“Dunno,” Louis shrugs.

“C’mon, you’re the one with a million little sisters, you must know.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “I dunno, say half an hour? Then we can go get some food, I’m absolutely Hank.”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

It’s probably closer to an hour later by the time they emerge from the play area. Nobody can quite agree on where to go for food so they end up in a pub garden, ordering three wildly different dishes from the menu. As soon as they’ve ordered, Jessie disappears to the small play area within the garden.

“Haven’t we _ just _ been in a play park for the last hour?” Harry asks Louis with a bewildered look on his face as he watches Jessie scamper off. 

Louis laughs. “Yeah, but this one’s different.” He says as if that explains everything. Harry just shifts his eyes heavenwards and takes hold of his Coke. “Just be happy she’s having fun, love.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry agrees quickly, feeling a pang of guilt. “I am.”

Harry hates himself for making it awkward. Louis picks his phone up off the table and proceeds to stare at it for the next few minutes, squinting intensely against the glare of the sun. Harry wonders what he is looking at, why it is more important than him and for one unsavoury moment he considers grabbing the damn thing out of Louis’ hand and dunking it in his Coke just to get his attention back.

In the end he doesn't do that but clears his throat rather forcefully. Louis doesn't even look up the first time. He tries again, and Louis  _ finally _ looks up, smirking at him. “I heard you the first time, dickhead.”

He locks his screen, makes a big show of putting his phone down and taking a sip of his drink. He places it down with a large gulping noise, and sits forward in his seat. 

“You have my  _ full _ attention, love.”

Harry rolls his eyes. He’s lost track of the amount of time he's rolled his eyes not just today but in his entire life. “Thank you.” He mumbles reluctantly, suddenly at a loss for something to say. Luckily, Louis steps up to the plate.

“How’ve you found it then, the first proper outing?”

“Friday’ll be the real test, won’t it? All day, I mean what if she decides she doesn’t like me? It’s not like she  _ has _ to like me. I’m still only a relative stranger to her.”

“You’re her  _ dad _ , Harry, don’t say that.”

“Still hardly know each other though, do we? What if she, I dunno, starts missing her mum and wants to come home early?”

Louis hesitates then shrugs. “I mean, if she does then she does. I don’t think she will though.”

Harry scoffs. “Yeah, ‘cause she likes you.”

“Is that what this is about?” Louis asks, bristling slightly.

“No!” Harry exclaims. “It’s not about anything. I’m just… I’m scared all right? I’m terrified she won’t love me. She already adores you, and my mum, well I can just see it now. I’m gonna get left behind and I’m fucking terrified! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No, of course it isn’t!” Louis hisses, reaching across the table for Harry’s hand. “Love, c’mon. Don’t get upset, we’re having a nice day. Jessie is happy, I promise you. Look at her. Just look at her.”

Harry is petulantly reluctant but eventually he swivels in his seat and seeks out his daughter in the throng of children having fun on the adventure playground. 

She’s currently three quarters of the way up the climbing frame, shouting instructions bossily to another little girl that she has apparently taken under her wing. Harry can’t help but smile; he’s glad she’s a sociable little thing; his mum always says he was that way up until the age of about four and then he became scared of his own shadow, so he’s glad that that doesn’t appear to apply to Jessie too.

“ See?” Louis’ voice sounds, and Harry turns back around to see Louis smiling softly. “You’re doing great, love. I’m dead proud of you.”

Harry’s heart and stomach flip simultaneously and he laughs nervously. “Stop it, Lou, you’re gonna make me cry in public.”

Louis flashes a wicked smile. Harry concentrates on having a large gulp of his drink and angling the beer mats at a perfect ninety degree angle to each other to distract himself from his impending meltdown, and it works well. Louis nudges his foot in between his under the table and that helps too as Harry regulates his breathing.

Jessie comes bounding over like a hyperactive puppy not too long later. Her face is red as a tomato and her curls are matted to her forehead with sweat.

“Whew I’m tired!” She exclaims, grabbing hold of her juice and downing almost the entire bottle in one go. 

She then plonks herself on Harry’s lap quite unceremoniously, taking Harry by complete surprise. His heart grows ten sizes as he automatically reaches out to loop his arms around her. He savours the moment as Jessie cuddles up close to him and catches her breath.

“All right, babe?” He murmurs softly into her hair, and she nods minutely against his chest. “Tea shouldn’t be long; you’ll come back over and eat with us when it’s ready won’t you?”

“Yeah, ‘course! See you in a minute!”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Jessie comes back again when the food comes, and she chatters excitedly almost the entire time. Harry has to remind her – lovingly – to pause for breath.

It’s getting on for half past four by the time they leave the pub. They round off their afternoon with another quick go around Wythenshawe Park. They mess around with the ball and Louis impresses Jessie no end by showcasing his talent for handstands and cartwheels. 

They find a small selection of pick and mix sweets inside the shop on site, and Harry carries Jessie on his shoulders all the way back to the car. 

It’s ten to six when they arrive back at Izzy’s house, and Harry hopes he’ll earn himself some brownie points by having her back in plenty of time. Izzy is half way through getting ready to go out when she answers the door; a full face of makeup minus her eyebrows, her hair half-straight and half-messy and she’s in pink pyjama bottoms with little pizza slices on them.

Jessie is full of stories for Izzy, and that makes Harry happy. It seems, at least on the surface, as if Jessie has enjoyed her time with them today. She gives him a big hug when they have to leave, holding on for just a beat longer than Harry was expecting and it warms him right to the core.

“I love you, little darling. Have a nice time at grandma’s tonight.”

“I will,” She chimes. “Love you too, daddy.”

Harry squeezes her extra tight, trying to commit her shape to memory because it will be a week until he sees her again.

When he releases her she goes to Louis, reaching up to wrap her arms around him. “Bye my Lou-Lou. See you at the zoo!” She giggles, appreciative of the rhyme.

“Bye lovey, I’ll see you soon.”

Harry is still awkward with Izzy; he knows he’s a big bumbling fool around her but he just can’t quite wrap his head around how to have a relationship with her. He makes only very fleeting eye contact as he thanks her and excuses them. Luckily Louis is a bit more au fait and very politely handles the situation.

When they’re back in the car and the engine has spluttered into life, Louis bursts out laughing.

“What!” Harry exclaims, looking over his shoulder self-consciously. Izzy has gone in. “What’re you laughing at?!”

“You!” Louis snorts as he puts the car in gear and pulls off. “You know you don’t have to pretend like she doesn’t exist? It’s okay to acknowledge her. You’re allowed to talk to her normally.”

It’s just that it’s embarrassing, is the thing. He’s well aware of the implications of making a child and what that means, and knowing that everyone else knows he and Izzy had sex once upon a time makes Harry feel a bit funny around the person he is  _ currently _ having sex with.

“It’s a bit awkward, I don’t… I don’t quite know how to behave around her.”

“Yeah, I noticed!” Louis laughs, looking ahead at the road. They’re just about to leave the residential area and get back on the main road. “We’ve both been with other people before each other, Harry; you don’t need to act like it was the immaculate conception!”

“Urgh, don’t!” Harry holds his head in his hands, Louis still chuckling. “It’s weird for me! I’ve never… been in the same room as an ex before. Especially not when my current partner is there too!”

“Well, you’d better get used to it mate.” Louis says, putting his foot down and propelling the car forward as they come off the slip road onto the main carriageway. “It’s a good job you’re the jealous one not me, int’it?”

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

All in all, Harry finishes the day in a fairly a good mood. His mum is on the phone at nine asking how the day went, and although he jokes that she’s never shown this much of an interest in his life up until now, he is happy to have someone to talk to about everything.

Little by little things get clearer in his head and it doesn’t feel  _ quite _ as overwhelming, only a little bit whelming.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Jessie finishes school on the Wednesday, and Izzy sends him a couple of images through WhatsApp of Jessie proudly holding up a paper plate of party food with an artfully decorated sugar paper crown on her head.

_ ‘Last day of year three officially done!’  _  is the message that accompanies the images. 

Harry grins and then forwards them on to Louis before showing them proudly around the office. Even Kyra gets up off her chair and has a quick look over Rosie’s shoulder. He imagines she finds the whole thing completely unrelatable, but the fact that he was already a father at Kyra’s age – even if he didn’t know he was - isn’t lost on Harry. In fact, it makes him shudder a bit.

“Scary isn’t it?” Pam muses. “How fast they grow. My granddaughter just turned four last weekend; it only feels like yesterday our Rachel told us she was pregnant! I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you and Louis.”

Harry smiles tightly.  _ I can’t imagine what it’s like for me either, _ he thinks to himself. Sometimes he can actually  _ feel _ his mood changing. “Yeah, it’s… it’s weird.”

Later on when they get home, Louis has a proud grin on his face and something large and square inside a Tesco bag for life.

“What’s that?” Harry asks. He’s sort of desperate for a wee but he is intrigued.

Without saying a word, Louis pulls the item out of the bag. It’s a canvas, wrapped in protective tissue paper with the logo of Louis’ workplace emblazoned over it. Harry is more than intrigued now; his curiosity is piqued.

“What is it?” He asks, his voice wobbling slightly with an excited tremor. “Lou?”

He carefully peels back the tissue paper and holds up the canvas for Harry to see. It’s a digital print of a Taurus adorned with flowers of every shape and colour imaginable; the peachiest pinks and luscious shades of green, bright warm yellows, cool blues and soft lilacs and purples. Two butterflies flutter off the tip of one of the Taurus horns and a trail of magenta hearts adorn the other.

Harry feels breathless  _ and _ legless. “Did you-”

Louis nods. “Been working on it for the past week or so. Do you ‘fink she’ll like it?”

Harry beams, feeling inexplicably close to tears. Get a  _ grip _ , man. “Yeah, she’ll love it, I just know she will. Lou, you’re, you-” He doesn’t have the words.

“I love you, Haz,” Louis interrupts, seemingly quite confident. “And, well I love her too. I know it’s… it might be weird or too soon or people might not agree with it, but she’s our family. I think people would expect me to leave, for it to be too much for me, but that girl, she’s so sweet Harry. You should be bloody proud of her.”

Fuck, Harry really is crying now. He laughs with embarrassment and scrubs furiously under his eyes until the thin skin is tender. 

“God Lou, don’t, I’m an emotional wreck!” He wails, and Louis laughs as he puts the canvas carefully down and pulls Harry in close. “I love you, I really,  _ really _ do.”

“I love you too, you big blubbering baby.” Louis mumbles into his shoulder as they embrace and rock back and forth unstably.

“I’m sorry to break the moment,” Harry whispers sheepishly. “But I really need to wee.”

Louis snorts and releases him. “Go on, go! I don’t want you weeing on me!”

“Oh why not? It’s romantic!” Harry shouts with a giggle as he dashes away to the bathroom.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Their evening is a quiet one. Harry’s eye keeps wandering over to the canvas that is wrapped back up and carefully back inside the bag ready for Friday. His heart does a little somersault every time he thinks about it.

They have tea and watch a bit of telly, as per almost every weekday evening but that’s okay. Harry is learning more and more every day that it’s okay with humdrum. Excitement is  _ tiring _ – emotionally and physically.

Later on Jay calls on their landline – one of the few people that ever do – and Harry answers it, grinning as he chats away easily to his mother-in-law. He’s been sending her picture updates via WhatsApp and she is so excited for the day when they can come and meet Jessie. Harry promises her that it will be soon.

Afterwards he hands over to Louis and goes about showering and making something for their lunches tomorrow; only one day at work and then a nice long weekend with their trip to Chester Zoo on Friday. 

Harry has no time to be bored at work on Thursday, all of his time is taken up with getting everything done and all the loose ends tied up before his day off. He’s too electric with nerves and anticipation to settle all evening, despite the fact they have to be on road by half past seven in the morning. 

Eventually he falls asleep, a sheen of sweat drying at his hairline and his legs still trembling from holding the same position for so long; Louis plastered alongside him, his heart still hammering hard enough in his chest for Harry to feel it too.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finale! See you on the other side!

  
  
It’s just gone nine when they arrive in Wythenshawe. Jessie isn’t waiting at the door for them like last time, but when they traipse up the garden path to the front door it’s her that answers. She’s in a denim pinafore dress, rainbow striped tights and a white t-shirt underneath. Her curls are tugged into plaits either side of her head and Harry spots her Shimmer & Shine backpack sitting by the door ready to go.

“It’s the day we go to the zoo!” She shrieks, dashing back inside and relaying up and down the first three stairs with excitement.

“Careful, Jessie!” Izzy exclaims as she appears in the living room door. “Morning guys!”

She looks considerably less glamorous than Harry has ever seen her before. She’s makeup-less and looks much younger, and her blonde hair is piled into a messy top knot much like the ones Harry had been partial to when his hair was long.

“How long does it take to get there?” Jessie asks eagerly from her spot on the second step.

“It’s just over half an hour to grandma Anne’s house then another half an hour or so to the zoo.” Harry explains, and Jessie looks blankly distraught. “So basically an hour.”

Jessie nods knowingly and then gravitates back towards her mum, ahead of leaving her for almost an entire day. Harry’s heart is in his mouth the entire time, convinced she is going to back out, but somehow they make it to the car without Harry having a heart attack or Jessie catching cold feet.

She sits quietly in the back of the car, kicking her legs gently against the back of the seat in front of her and looking around in wonderment at the scenery whizzing past outside the window. When they cross the county border into Cheshire, Harry announces that it’s not too far now, and Jessie’s face lights up.

When they pull up outside Anne’s house Jessie is jumping out of the car before Louis has even cut the engine. When he looks up he sees his mum hovering excitedly by the door, peering in at the car. When she sees Jessie jump out and dash towards her she comes running out too, her arms wide open ready to receive the frenetic ball of energy that is her granddaughter.

“Hello sweetheart, oh it is _so_ good to meet you!” Anne sobs, staggering around the garden with Jessie wrapped around her body holding her tight.

Harry has a large lump in his throat as they get out of the car and approach the shrieking, sobbing duo. Harry watches his mum set Jessie back down on the ground and crouch down to her level. She touches Jessie’s pigtail plaits, smiling broadly and still openly weeping as she studies her closely.

“Oh, you’re such a beautiful young girl, I’m so happy to finally meet you Jessie.”

“Nice to meet you too, grandma Anne,” Jessie says perfectly, her small hand resting on Anne’s shoulder. “Are you looking forward to going to the zoo today?”

“I am,” Anne confirms. “Been looking forward to it all week, I have! Thank you for inviting me along too.”

“That’s okay!” Jessie grins, looking up at him and Louis. “Oh, here’s daddy and my Lou-Lou! Shall we get going now?”

Anne springs to her feet, turning around to quickly lock the front door and gather her bag. They all pile into the car, ready for their adventure; Louis and Harry up front and Anne and Jessie in the back.

“I packed you this hat, Jessie, because I wasn’t sure if daddy would remember and it’s going to be very hot and sunny today, love.”

Harry shimmies in his seat, smiling guiltily to confirm that no, he _hadn’t_ remembered any headwear. His mum catches his eye and pretends to chastise him but her eyes are fond and friendly. Jessie puts on the cap, grinning and asking Harry if it looks good.

With her grandma’s ear to bend, Jessie spends basically the entire journey talking. It makes the journey seem shorter, though he’s not sure the driver would agree. Harry has the tickets clutched safely in his paw, guarding them with his life as they find a parking spot. Jessie is barely able to contain her excitement as they make their way towards the park entrance, swapping their tickets for access wristbands.

The first port of call is the café but Harry manages to convince Jessie that it’s too early for snacks just yet. They go across to the elephants first; beautifully slow but majestic creatures that meander around their spacious, grassy habitat.

“I always thought elephants were grey, like eeyore!” Jessie frowns when the stunning reddish brown hue to some of the elephants.

“It says ‘ere that they get that colour by throwing the soil and dirt around with their trunks.” Louis says without looking up from the leaflet he has his nose buried in. Jessie giggles from where she is standing close to Anne.

“Naughty messy elephants!” She chastises them playfully, wagging her finger. They merely stare back at her disinterestedly.

They make their way around the path, along with the flow of people, over a footbridge that goes over the top of the elephant’s home, to the giraffes.

Harry has always been fascinated by giraffes, if he’s honest, because they’re so strange looking. Jessie cranes her neck to look up at the tall animals.

“Daddy, can I go on your shoulders to be tall like the giraffes?” Jessie asks, coming over and tugging at his leg desperately. He obliges, lifting the petite young thing onto his shoulders so she can be a few feet closer to the lofty creatures. She coos happily. “Wow! Hello giraffes!”

The next lot of beasts are much smaller; butterflies and insects. The colours in their wings are truly breathtaking; all the different shades of red, blue, orange, purple.

The next area is the chimpanzees and orangutans. Jessie giggles as they watch two orangutans fighting over a bunch of bananas, and then gasps in awe as they each take one banana each and intricately peel them and shove them into their mouths. They’re eerily human-like and Harry is half expecting them to stand up at any moment and take off their suits to reveal themselves.

There is a cool, dark shack and they venture inside but when Louis realises there is a python inside he bolts – leaving the three of them behind laughing at him.

The tropical realm is much more enjoyable; graceful tortoises, inconspicuous chameleons and noisy macaws and doves flying around inside expansive, lush enclosures.

They spend less time at the aquarium – once you’ve seen one fish you’ve seen them all as far as Harry is concerned. They are very calming and graceful, though.

They break for food then, when Anne realises they’ve been sightseeing for almost two hours now. They retrace their steps and trundle back round to the café they saw when they first arrived. Except now the queue is astronomical and people are milling about _everywhere_.

“You two go and pounce on that free table there!” Anne hisses manically as a family of four stands up to leave. “Lou and I will get in the food queue!”

Harry does as he is told, hurrying off to the emptying picnic bench with Jessie by his side, both of their hands sweaty from the heat.

“I like grandma Anne,” Jessie tells him after a thoughtful few moments of silence. “Is she really your mummy?”

“Yes,” Harry nods with a smile. “She’s nice, isn’t she? She loves you a lot, already.”

“Even after only one day?”

“Yes, love,” Harry promises. “Grandma Anne has always been very kind. My big sister, your auntie Gemma will tell you all about what she was like when we were growing up.”

“And does my Lou-Lou have a mummy?”

“Yes,” Harry nods again. “Nanny Jay. I know that she can’t wait to meet you either. Lou-Lou has four sisters too; they’re your aunties as well. You’ve got a massive family all of a sudden, haven’t you? Full of people that love you so much.”

Jessie nods and seems to be thinking long and hard. “I hope they all like me.”

“They will, sweetheart.” Harry says earnestly. “Now, what do you reckon to today so far? Are you enjoying the zoo?”

She nods with an excited grin. “Yep! I think I liked the giraffes the most so far but the pythons were cool, too. My Lou-Lou was so funny when he ran away wasn’t he!”

“Yeah, what a big chicken!” Harry laughs. “Snakes _are_ a bit scary though, aren’t they?”

“Nope, I’m not scared of ‘em one bit!” Jessie grins proudly. “I wanna go and see the snakey-snakes again before we go home, please! Please, please can we, daddy?”

“Hmm, well, maybe you can convince grandma Anne to go in with you or something?” Harry chuckles, and they continue to joke and laugh about things until Louis and Anne appear twenty minutes later with sandwiches, crisps and drinks.

“What! An! Ordeal!” Louis moans as he flops into his seat and plucks a packet of crisps into his grasp. “They need at least three more pay points in that place!”

There’s ham, cheese, tuna and egg mayo to choose from; Jessie bagsy’s the tuna and Louis snatches the ham so that leaves Harry and his mum to choose between egg mayo and cheese. He really hates egg mayo, and his mum knows that so she kindly takes the egg mayo and lets him have the cheese.

After they’ve eaten they go back to where they left off and, as promised, check out the penguins and the flamingos. Jessie absolutely loves the penguins and the flamingos make her giggle at the top of her voice the way they stalk about the place on their ridiculously disproportionate legs.

The third and final section of the park is also the biggest and broadest. They see a range of stunning animals; from lions, bears and rhinos to fruit bats and something called capybara, or giant guinea pigs.

“Bugger me, wouldn’t want one of them running around your back garden would ya!” Louis snorts under his breath as they pause to have a look inside their large pen.

Anne laughs and Harry rolls his eyes, and Jessie is busy hanging off the railing trying to get a good look. Harry has his hand protectively around her middle to avoid catastrophe.

The last thing they do is take another sweep of the whole park via the Zoofari monorail, Anne and Jessie re-visiting the python before they all hit the gift shop and then make their way to the exits – not before a quick toilet stop, of course.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Jessie is chipper and full of beans during the Chester to Holmes Chapel leg of the journey. With her stuffed brown bear and two foot tall freestanding giraffe filling the back seat, she talks incessantly about what they’ve just done and has everyone go round and say their best bits.

When they pull up outside Anne’s, Jessie lets them know that she needs another wee and so they all traipse into Anne’s house, and once Louis is in a comfy chair Harry has a real job getting him out of it again.

He, Anne and Jessie end up in the kitchen making fairy cakes while Louis catches forty winks in the armchair. With a dusting of icing sugar on her nose and more flour down her front than in the actual bowl, Jessie proudly creates twelve golden brown buns drizzled with white icing and red sugar hearts.

Harry takes several pictures of the baking process, a myriad of live action shots of Jessie and his mum together, laughing and joking and poking each other with the handles of wooden spoons.

“Daddy, take a picture of me with the cakes!” Jessie exclaims, grabbing one of the finished cakes and posing with it proudly before Harry even has his phone in his hand.

“Say cheese!” He instructs, holding the phone up and snapping several shots. He’ll send one to Jay in a minute. Jessie places the cake back in the tray and scampers over to look over the pictures.

“Can I go and wake my Lou-Lou up to give him a cake?” She asks once she’s satisfied with the results of her mini-photo shoot.

“Yeah, okay, be gentle though.”

Jessie carefully lifts the tray of cakes and marches through to the living room in search of Louis. Harry catches his mum’s eye as Jessie leaves the room. He props himself up against the unit and peers up at her.

“She’s lovely, Harry, a real delight.”

He smiles and nods. “She is, isn’t she?” They both smile as they hear Jessie gently waking Louis up. “Thanks for today, it’s been really good hasn’t it?”

“It has,” Anne smiles. “Sorry for waylaying your daughter with baking, by the way. I’m sure you just want to get home.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m sort of not ready for her to go home, to be honest. It’s been the best day today.”

“Of course,” Anne nods sympathetically. “What is Jessie’s mum like with letting you see her? Do you reckon she’ll let you have her maybe for a whole weekend sometime in the future?”

“I don’t know,” Harry shrugs, still feeling slightly nauseous at the prospect. “I’m a bit scared to let myself think about things like that, to be honest. I’m convinced the bubble’s just gonna burst one day and Jessie will refuse to see me again.”

“Oh sweetheart, don’t say things like that, love. I’m _sure_ that will never happen.”

“You don’t know that,” Harry says quietly. “I’m terrified, mum.”

“C’mere,” Anne pulls him close. She rocks him back and forth in her arms like a toddler, despite the fact he’s in his late twenties and half a foot taller than her now. “You’re still learning. You’ve squeezed nine years of parenting experiencing into this past month, Harry, don’t be too hard on yourself, or her. You’re doing a great job, love, and Jessie loves you and Lou, I can tell already.”

“I hope so,” He sighs shakily into his mum’s hair, comforted by the reassuringly familiar scent. “I really bloody hope so.”

They break apart when Louis shuffles into the kitchen with Jessie, all pink cheeked and sleepy looking with a cupcake poised to his mouth.

“Hi Lou,” Harry says softly as Louis sidles up alongside him and offers him a bite of his cake. Harry obliges and then asks through a mouthful of cake, “Nice kip?”

Louis grins embarrassedly, looking over at Anne. “Sorry, Annie. Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“S’alright love, I’ll only charge you half-board.” Anne jokes, nodding her head at the half-eaten cupcake; they all laugh including Jessie although Harry isn’t sure she really gets it.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

They push off about half an hour later, with Jessie’s cupcakes carefully stacked inside an old Celebrations tin. She sits with them proudly on her lap in the back of the car as they make the penultimate leg of the journey, from Holmes Chapel to Wythenshawe.

“So have you had fun today, Jessie?” Harry asks through the rear view mirror.

She grins broadly. “Yeah! Was fun!” She says in a sickly sweet voice. “I liked the zoo and going to grandma Anne’s to make cakes. That was fun; I hope we can do that again.”

“What was the best part?” Louis asks.

“Hmm, baking cakes!” Jessie decides quickly, holding up the tin happily.

Louis cackles, “There you go, Haz, you coulda saved all that money and just took her to your mums to make cakes!”

“Shut up!” Harry groans, poking his tongue out at Louis, which makes Jessie giggle. “We had a good day, didn’t we Jessie?”

“Yep!” She confirms cheerfully. “I really like being part of your family, daddy, it’s fun having two daddy’s. Wait, am I allowed to say that, my Lou-Lou?”

Harry’s own eyes swivel over to Louis, watching his profile. He’s smiling absently and looking up in the rear view back at her. Harry’s heart trips in his chest and he almost can’t breathe.

“Of course you are babe,” Louis reassures her, his voice soft and almost breaking. Harry bits down on the inside of his bottom lip and looks over the headrest at Jessie in the back. She’s smiling too, catching his eye briefly. “It would be an honour to be one of your dads, darling.”

  
  
  


* * *

 

 

**_Epilogue_ **

_(not sure if it’s technically correct to have an epilogue without a prologue but oh well!)_

 

 

The two of them manage to get some more time off together through August, and just before the end of the summer holidays they have Jessie for the first time overnight. Gemma, who Jessie first met the weekend after the trip to Chester Zoo, is up from London for the week visiting and stops off at theirs before going straight to Anne’s.

Jessie and Gemma absolutely adore each other; Gemma may never have indicated an interest in having her own children but she makes a damn good auntie.

After that, as August rolls into September, Jessie goes back to school. Between the three of them they put in place a fairly flexible and informal weekend schedule, and over the next month or so of weekend visits, Jessie meets everyone in the family; all of her aunties, Nanny Jay and very briefly, her paternal grandfather too.

Soon enough it’s December; Louis’ big 3-0 and Christmas too. Jessie is with them for the twenty third and twenty fourth. They celebrate Louis’ birthday a day early and have their own mini-Christmas a day early on the twenty fourth before Izzy arrives in the evening to pick Jessie up.

The end of the year is an emotional time for Harry; it hitting him hard how much their lives have changed in the last six months. The new year brings lots of opportunities, though. The first big event of the year is his birthday in February, followed by their six year anniversary in March and Jessie’s ninth birthday in May.

The whole motley crew makes their way to Manchester for a party-slash-get-to-know-each-other shindig for Jessie’s birthday. Harry does his best to spend a bit of time with everyone, and it proves but difficult but not impossible.

He sees Louis and Izzy together with Jessie, but before he can start curiously panicking he is commandeered by his mum and he loses track of the trio.

He finds them later on sitting in the lobby chattering closely. Harry’s heart and face shine brightly with a smile, but he’s suspicious. Nobody offers to tell him what they were up to, though, so he doesn’t ask.

Soon enough, it’s June and they’re fast approaching one year with Jessie. Once the summer holidays roll around again in July, they spend a week together in Cornwall, the three of them, Anne, Jay and Gemma.

In September, just as the summer is dying off, Harry stumbles upon pages and pages of Rightmove property searches for three bedroomed houses within 10 miles of Manchester in their laptop search history.

His heart swoops and he feels giddy as he thinks of his own search history; administrator jobs within 10 miles of Manchester. He finds Louis, in the kitchen pretending to be busy, and tells him that he knows. Harry tells him he’s been looking casually at jobs to apply for, maybe at some point down the line, and Louis confirms that he’s seen some lovely places they could look at within a few miles of Wythenshawe.

They’re both overcome with happiness as they realise they’re both on the same page. That evening they start to formulate a vague plan and over the next few weeks it all starts coming together. Louis’ work has a unit in Stockport that he can transfer to, they’ve called several estate agents and arranged several viewings, and Harry sends off all six of the job applications he’d had open in different tabs.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out, as the great Alanis Morissette once said, and by the end of October they’re the proud owners of a three bedroom house in Altrincham, just a couple of miles up the road from Jessie and Izzy in Wythenshawe.

Louis begins his new job in Stockport immediately, and the job Harry had had his eye on the longest ends up being the one that contacts him for an interview first. He goes to three interviews in total before going back to the first company and accepting their offer; it feels nice to be wanted.

There is a fair bit of travelling back and forth between Manchester and Sheffield for a few weeks while everything with the house is finalised, and so sometimes it’s just easier, and cheaper, for Harry to stay in Wythenshawe with Izzy and Jessie.

Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder, though, and on Friday the twenty ninth of November two thousand and nineteen, Harry arrives home to Louis in Sheffield to find the entirety of their half-packed up bedroom covered in flickering tea lights, Louis sitting unassumingly on the edge of the bed picking at a thread on his Adidas joggers.

Louis’ face, like the candles, lights up when he sees Harry. He jumps to his feet, rubbing his hands down his legs with a giggle. Harry can only stand there, feeling choked by his own hammering heart, tears already springing to his eyes.

“Hi love,” Louis says shakily. “I-I know this isn’t exactly a fancy dinner or a nice walk along a river in Paris or ‘owt, but I’ve been killing myself for actual months trying to find the best way to do this, and in the end when you called me earlier and said you were half an hour away, I just decided I wanted to do it now - oh, sorry for the joggers and messy hair, by the way.” He pauses to giggle wetly and Harry does too.

“I uh, I love you, Harry; have been in love with you for nearly seven years and loved you for even longer; my best friend that I fell in love with.”

It’s something they always used to say, that.

“I love you more than ever now we have a daughter, she brings out the best in both of us and I love our weird, unique little family. Harry, I want everything and more with you, love. Marry me, please? I love you so much.”

Louis isn’t down on one knee and he produces the ring from loose in his pocket, but it’s perfect. He slides the ring onto Harry’s trembling finger and they melt into one single creature as they hold each other.

It only takes Harry a few moments to realise that this is what Izzy, Louis and Jessie had been discussing all those months ago at the party. They blow out the fire hazard candles, have immense we-just-got-engaged-sex and then call Izzy and Jessie, in that order.

“Did he say yes to you? Did you say yes to my Lou-Lou, daddy? Are you getting married?”

“Yes!” Harry shouts at the phone, Izzy and Jessie whooping and cheering across the loudspeaker as he and Louis fall into each other again, laughing and smiling and generally just feeling on top of the world.

Harry’s arms ache and his throat is raw by the time they finish FaceTiming everyone later on that evening.

 

◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊

 

They’re in the new house by Harry’s thirtieth birthday. Louis gets Harry back for the three months of incessant teasing on the approach to his own thirtieth birthday by getting him a card addressed to ‘a special grandad on your 80th birthday’. He grins and maintains it for a good thirty seconds before plucking it from Harry’s paws and placing the actual card, ‘to my fiancé’ in his hands.

Amongst his other cards is one with the word ‘dad’ on the front, and even though this is his second birthday with Jessie now he’s still not used to seeing a card on the windowsill with the word ‘dad’ on the front; it still makes his heart swoop in his chest when he sees it.

They get married on the seventh anniversary of the day they confessed their feelings for each other, March 14th 2020. It’s a hazy, warm, beautiful day; everyone they love and care about most is with them. Louis’ four sisters look beautiful in midnight blue dresses, Jessie shines in a white dress with matching blue sash and they both have accents of the same blue colour in their charcoal grey suits.

Izzy and her boyfriend of nine months are there; between the four of them they co-parent Jessie really well and everyone is respected. Izzy and Harry are respected as mum and dad, and Louis and Michael as Jessie’s step-dads are involved at every turn and the four of them make every decision together as a unit.

There are speeches, toasts, posh dinners, a sweet cart, photos, dancing, champagne and plenty of snogging as they have their first dance to Maybe I’m Amazed as husbands for the first time.

All of them pile onto the dance floor later on in the evening; Harry and his new husband, Jessie, Izzy and Michael, both their mums, all of Louis’ sisters, Gemma and her boyfriend, and they fall about the dance floor laughing as the DJ belts out We Are Family by Sister Sledge.

Anne and Jay dance together, champagne drunk and having the absolute time of their lives. Jessie spins and twirls between Izzy and Michael, completely out of sync with the music. The newlyweds round up Gemma, Fizzy, Lottie and the twins and prance around the dance floor hanging off of each other tipsily shouting, “We are family! I’ve got all my sisters with me!”

They dance the night away to Kool and the Gang, the Bee Gees, several gradually worsening renditions of the Macarena and then back to the soppy love songs to round off the night. Most people have already flaked out; only the really hard core ones (read: Harry and Louis) are left at this point.

“I love you, y’know?” Harry murmurs drunkenly as Ed Sheeran plays to the otherwise deserted dance floor. Even the DJ has buggered off and has just left his playlist on shuffle. “Husband. My hubby hubs.”

“I’d hope you do,” Louis laughs. “Seeing as though we’re married now. We’re married old dads in our thirties, Hazza. _How_ did that happen?”

Harry grins. He likes the way that sounds. He wants to be married old dads with Louis well into their sixties, seventies and eighties too.

  


 

_/The end._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed that! I have loved writing this and as I said earlier on, it was nice to have something so easy to write. I hope someone enjoyed this! Please do let me know your thoughts; I’d love to hear from you!
> 
> Here is the [fic post](http://yourpricelessadvice.tumblr.com/post/176491244249/who-youll-become-yourpricelessadvice-45k) if you're interested in reblogging, I'd be so happy!
> 
> Amy x


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